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We Missed Out on Apple Pie

  • Writer: Deric Hollings
    Deric Hollings
  • Jul 19
  • 6 min read

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A “sweet tooth” is defined as a craving or fondness for sweet food. Humorously, I tell people that I don’t have a singular sweet tooth. Instead, it’s as though I have a mouth full of sweet teeth!

Learning of this, a coworker (“coworker X”) at a former job discussed our lunch plans:

 

Coworker X: Whew, that last home visit was a doozy!

 

Me: You’re not lying. I hope no one could hear my stomach growling.

 

Coworker X: I couldn’t. Speaking of which, I have an idea for lunch.

 

Me: Okay, what’s up?

 

Coworker X: I heard about this quaint little diner, which I’ve been wanting to check out for a while, but I’m never in this area. It’s got great reviews on both Yelp and Google.

 

Me: Sounds like a plan to me. What type of food do they serve?

 

Coworker X: It’s down-home cooking. And the best part? I hear their apple pie is to die for!

 

Me: You had me at “apple pie.”

 

Coworker X: Great, I’ll plug it into my GPS.

 

Arriving at the diner during lunchtime, there were lots of people in attendance. Coworker X (a Licensed Clinical Social Worker) and I (a Licensed Master Social Worker at the time) submitted our names to the diner host and awaited a table.

 

Meanwhile, coworker X showed me photos of apple pie from reviews for the establishment. My mouth watered, as all of my sweet teeth prepared to be satiated. I was really looking forward to dessert!

 

Once we were seated and submitted our beverage orders (we both opted for water), I noticed coworker X’s behavioral change. Her eyes darted back and forth, she shook one of her legs rapidly, and my coworker began pressing her hand to the top of her chest.

 

“What’s going on?” I asked. Coworker X knew of my biracial composition (black and white), as she (a black woman) likely assumed that I shared an interpretation similar to her own. “Do you notice anything a bit…off in here?” she responded. I looked around. “Yeah,” I said, “it’s busy!”

 

“No, no,” she insisted, “do you notice anything else?” Having been diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder which was incurred in childhood and aggravated in military service, I’d already noted entry and exit points, as well as identified who was most likely to be a threat.

 

There wasn’t anything remarkable about the diner patrons. Coworker X then whispered, “There aren’t any other black people in here. You and I are the only ones, and they probably think you’re one of them.” I visually scanned the diner and determined that she was correct.

 

“What do you have in mind?” I asked. Coworker X then explained that she wasn’t comfortable and, though she alluringly hyped an apple pie scenario to me beforehand, my coworker wanted not to order and to leave. “Do you mind?” she asked. I then acquiesced.

 

Trying to find another restaurant in the Texas rural setting took most of our remaining time. I was hungry and disappointed. We missed out on apple pie. Noteworthy, in literature for Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), disappointment is considered a form of tolerable distress.

 

Thus, there remains a distinction between healthy distress and unhealthy disturbance. Essentially, both of these conditions relate to negative emotions and experiences. However, the former is flexible while the latter is rigid. In REBT, disturbance is termed “self-disturbance.”

 

For additional context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, and not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence.

 

For example, coworker X noticed that no other black people ate at the diner (Action) and she likely Believed, “I can’t stand not being in the presence of my own people, so we absolutely shouldn’t stay here.” At that, coworker X experienced fear and we left the diner (Consequence).

 

Convinced that she couldn’t tolerate a gathering of so many white people, my coworker used an inflexible demandingness narrative which ultimately deprived us both of apparently delicious apple pie. Alternatively, I maintained a flexible narrative in regard to a mere desire.

 

For instance, coworker X expressed that she was self-disturbed (Action) and I Believed, “We preferably should stay, because I really want to try the apple pie, though I understand that this isn’t a comfortable experience for coworker X.” At that, I was disappointed (Consequence).

 

Whereas unhealthy disturbance relates to rigid prescriptions, healthy distress is associated with flexible descriptions. Bear in mind that this prescription-description phenomenon is what causes negative emotions and experiences – both of the unhealthy and healthy variety.

 

Nevertheless, I could tolerate being disappointed. Yet, coworker X disturbed herself to the point whereby she was unproductively convinced that she couldn’t stand staying in the diner for a moment longer (not even until dessert was served). Ergo, we missed out on apple pie.

 

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

 

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

 

 

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

 

References:

 

Hollings, D. (2024, July 9). Absolutistic should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/absolutistic-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2024, November 15). Assumptions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/assumptions

Hollings, D. (2024, October 27). Correlation does not imply causation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/correlation-does-not-imply-causation

Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness

Hollings, D. (2022, October 5). Description vs. prescription. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/description-vs-prescription

Hollings, D. (2024, October 21). Desire. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/desire

Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer

Hollings, D. (2025, April 24). Distress tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/distress-tolerance

Hollings, D. (2025, March 12). Distress vs. disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/distress-vs-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use

Hollings, D. (2024, May 17). Feeling better vs. getting better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/feeling-better-vs-getting-better-1

Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better

Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/

Hollings, D. (2024, September 26). Interpreted reality. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/interpreted-reality

Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching

Hollings, D. (2022, December 2). Low frustration tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/low-frustration-tolerance

Hollings, D. (2024, July 10). Preferential should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/preferential-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist

Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous

Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2025, February 28). To try is my goal. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-try-is-my-goal

Hollings, D. (2025, April 18). Tolerable FADs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/tolerable-fads

Hollings, D. (2024, June 14). Tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/tolerance

Hollings, D. (2025, January 9). Traditional ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/traditional-abc-model

Hollings, D. (2024, March 18). Unhealthy vs. healthy negative emotions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unhealthy-vs-healthy-negative-emotions

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