You Better!

[DISCLAIMER]

When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.

An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.

Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.

Although still serving as a form of prescription rather than description, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs doesn’t necessarily cause self-upset. Here, rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. There are a number of flexible and inflexible terms related to demandingness which serve as derivatives to “should,” “must,” and “ought” self-disturbing philosophies of life.

For instance, “In order to understand what I’m saying, you have to pay attention,” “You better not allow your mind to wander,” “You need to listen,” and, “If you want to stop self-disturbing, then you gotta practice REBT.” Perhaps a real-world example may enrich your comprehension.

On his debut studio album The Coming (1996), lyricist Busta Rhymes dropped the track “Flipmode Squad Meets Def Squad” which featured various members of hip hop supergroups known as Flipmode Squad and Def Squad. Regarding his verse, lyricist Jamal stated:

Niggas talk about killin’, and never get to it (To it)

Fuck the yappin’; be true to it, do it (Do it)

Steady screamin’ ‘bout your East and your West Side (West Side)

But you ain’t in it when it come[s] to the homicide

Niggas better get up off that bullshit quick

Caught up in the limelight, gettin’ way too slick (Slick)

With your newfound understanding of the ABC model, do you consider Jamal’s statement to be flexible or inflexible, regarding how “niggas better get up off that bullshit quick” (indicating that people should stop what they’re doing)? I invite you to take a moment to think about it.

Personally, it could go either way. For instance, if you didn’t follow through with your yappin’ (Action), Jamal may then Believe, “You absolutely better stop bullshittin’!” Likewise, he could Believe, “Either you better stop bullshittin’, or I better punch you in the face!”

With these unaccommodating absolutistic and conditional Beliefs Jamal then becomes angry and punches you in the face (Consequence). Clearly, these sorts of attitudes are self-disturbing in nature. Alternatively, consider recommendatory and preferential Beliefs.

If you didn’t follow through with your yappin’ (Action), Jamal may then Believe, “I recommend that you better stop bullshittin’, because I don’t think you’ll actually follow through.” Similarly, he could Believe, “Preferably, you better stop bullshittin’, because I don’t want to hear you.”

With these accommodating recommendatory and preferential Beliefs Jamal then becomes frustrated, annoyed, or disappointed (Consequence). This outcome represents tolerable distress, not self-disturbance. Obviously, this is a reasonable reaction to someone who yaps too much.

Do you understand the flexible and inflexible function of personal narratives which cause disturbance and distress? You (recommendatorily) better! If you’d like to know more about the practice of REBT, then fuck the yappin’, be true to it; do it—by contacting me.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit (edited), fair use

References:

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Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better

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Hollings, D. (2024, September 27). My attitude. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/my-attitude

Hollings, D. (2025, August 2). My philosophy. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/my-philosophy

Hollings, D. (2025, January 7). Other-downing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/other-downing

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Hollings, D. (2024, December 5). Reasoning. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/reasoning

Hollings, D. (2024, July 18). REBT flexibility. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rebt-flexibility

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