9 PM (Till I Come): Accepting What Once Was

[DISCLAIMER]

When listening to an electronic dance music (EDM) DJ set by Mila Rubio, I heard her spin the track “9 PM (Till I Come)” by trance music German DJ and producer ATB from his debut studio album Movin’ Melodies (1999). That track brought back a lot of pleasant memories!

Hearing one of the EDM tracks I spun when DJing in the ‘90s and ‘00s, I thought of a relatively brief psychoeducational lesson on Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT). Now, I invite you to contemplate one of the major tools used by this helpful psychotherapeutic modality.

REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering (i.e., distress or disturbance). This is done through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA). Per one source (page 71):

REBT conceptualizes [distress] as healthy even though it is intense. Other approaches to therapy have as their goal the reduction of the intensity of negative emotions. They take this position because they do not keenly differentiate between healthy negative emotions (distress) and unhealthy negative emotions (disturbance).

Now, REBT keenly distinguishes between healthy distress and unhealthy disturbance. Healthy distress stems from your rational beliefs about a negative activating event, whilst disturbance stems from your irrational beliefs about the same event.

Complete elimination of distress is highly unlikely in an impermanent and uncertain world wherein people conceptually suffer, struggle, and battle with, or merely experience hardship. Still, individuals often make matters worse for themselves by disturbing about such instances.

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

It isn’t particularly difficult to self-distress (e.g., sorrow) or self-disturb (e.g., depression) about matters in one’s circle of concern. For instance, I could listen to “9 PM (Till I Come)” and use unproductive beliefs about how I miss the past; convincing myself that life is somehow unfair.

Who wouldn’t want to relive times during which pleasant memories were made? I would! Also, I imagine that the same is the case for you. This could include time spent with a beloved family member, attending a concert, speaking with a dear friend, or practically anything else.

Still, because I practice UA, I listen to Mila Rubio spinning an ATB track while accepting what once was. I had a subjectively wonderful time dancing many nights away to ATB’s song when living in South America, as well as thereafter spinning the song when DJing in California.

From this healthy perspective, there’s nothing to lament when acknowledging that the past is passed—it’s an unalterable experience (ULA). Now, I encourage you to enjoy pleasant memories rather than self-distressing or self-disturbing over them.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

ATB. (2014, November 7). 9Pm (Till I Come) [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/QFGMQZyvnmY?si=aTrhH8DulasWAYYo

Dryden, W. and Neenan, M. (2006). Rational emotive behaviour therapy: 100 key points and techniques. Routledge. Retrieved from https://img1.wsimg.com/blobby/go/4b0e2552-2a18-4998-b44f-3a993148f7ac/downloads/REBT%202.pdf?ver=1627365797554

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