All Real, Homie, Not Kinda, Not Sorta: Authenticity and Assertiveness

[DISCLAIMER]

The above photo of me was taken during my senior year of high school, when I resided in a children’s home for the second time—after being kicked out of a house by the matriarch of a family who’d invited me to live in her home during the summer after my freshman year.

When looking at the picture, I’m reminded of rapper Paul Wall’s line “all real, homie, not kinda, not sorta” from the song “Goin Live” that was featured on his album Mind over Matter (2020). For context, one source succinctly defines “homie” as a “best friend for life.”

Also, “kinda” is used for “kind of” in informal speech and in representations of such speech, as “sorta” is used for “sort of” in similar fashion. I think of Paul Wall’s line when looking at a high school photo, because there wasn’t much that I did in a kinda, sorta manner during those days.

Though I often fell short of the religious standards and principles up with which I was raised, as I was (and am) merely a fallible human being, I valued Matthew 5:37 that states, “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.”

Arguably, that verse relates to authenticity and assertiveness. Noteworthy, the American Psychological Association (APA) thusly defines authenticity:

1. in psychotherapy and counseling, genuineness and caring demonstrated by the therapist or counselor through a down-to-earth attitude that the client senses to be a reflection of the true person and not simply of a professional acting in their professional role.

2. in existentialism, a mode of being that humans can achieve by accepting the burden of freedom, choice, and responsibility and the need to construct their own values and meanings in a meaningless universe. —authentic adj.

When living in a children’s home during my senior year of high school, I let my “yes” and “no” statements speak for themselves rather than using mealy-mouthed “kinda” and “sorta” terms. Therefore, if I said something, then it was presumed to be a genuine sentiment.

In this way, my manner of speech was “all real, homie, not kinda, not sorta,” as Paul Wall stated. Concerning this approach to life, the APA thusly defines assertiveness:

[A]n adaptive style of communication in which individuals express their feelings and needs directly, while maintaining respect for others. A lack of assertiveness may contribute to depression and anxiety, whereas maladaptive approaches to assertiveness may manifest as aggression.

As a senior, I spoke directly. For instance, in No Time for That, I stated, “It was an ex-girlfriend from my time in high school who named me Tin Man. When she expressed a desire to one day marry me, I terminated our intimate partner relationship in a knee-jerk fashion.”

Assertiveness can sometimes be misperceived as aggressiveness, which the APA defines as “a tendency toward social dominance, threatening behavior, and hostility. It may occur sporadically or be a characteristic trait of an individual.”

When breaking up with my girlfriend during high school, I was being assertive, not aggressive. Yet, my use of authenticity was apparently viewed as calloused. Therefore, the nickname Tin Man was assigned to me.

In all fairness, there were many other examples of my nonadaptive behavior which warranted the moniker of one who doesn’t possess a heart. As such, I accepted the epithet. In fact, I currently have an illustration of the Tin Man tattooed on my body.

Now, I could’ve easily withheld information about myself that doesn’t present me in a positive light. Yet, because I value authenticity, I assertively divulged evidence with which you may use to judge my flawed character. Have at it! All I ask is that you don’t “kinda” or “sorta” do it.

If my personality is to be judged, then I encourage you to do so with authentic assertiveness. Let your “yes” be yes and your “no” be no. Have the courage to stand by your convictions! Besides, this is how I approach both life and Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). Now, you can!

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

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