Reasoned Choice: Someone There Is Dying

[DISCLAIMER]

In my youth, adults convinced me that heavy metal music was satanic (of, relating to, or characteristic of Satan or Satanism—obsession with or affinity for evil: specifically, worship of Satan marked by the travesty of Christian rites). Thus, I was forbidden from listening to metal.

As such, I unfortunately missed out on enjoying metal music from Metallica. All the same, I was vaguely familiar with some of the band’s songs, because they were quite popular. In early adulthood, when undergoing a transition from my Christian principles, I gave Metallica a chance.

One of the albums I purchased was Load (1996) which contained the song “Hero of the Day”. When hearing the lyrics, I experienced a mondegreen (a mishearing or misinterpretation of a phrase in a way that gives it a new meaning). For context, the lyrics state in part:

Still the window burns

Time so slowly turns (The window burns)

And someone there is sighing

Keepers of the flames

Can’t you hear your names?

Can’t you hear your babies crying?

Rather than hearing “someone there is sighing” I mistakenly heard “someone there is dying.” I repeated this mondegreen lyric for years! Perhaps my misinterpretation wasn’t too far off, as one source subjectively describes the meaning of the song thus:

The song is about the human spirit, and the various ways in which we respond to adversity. It discourages us from becoming bitter as a result of the negative experiences we’ve had and encourages us to be sympathetic and lend a helping hand to those who are not in a good spot right now.

Even with my misinterpreted version of the lyrics, “the various ways in which we respond to adversity” is part of the living, dying, and death processes. Concerning these routes to the grave, I stated in You Will Realize You Are Dying Before Your Time:

[Quoting the essay De Brevitate Vitae (or On the Brevity of Life, also On the Shortness of Life)] How many have laid waste to your life when you weren’t aware of what you were losing, how much was wasted in pointless grief, foolish joy, greedy desire, and social amusements—how little of your own was left to you. You will realize you are dying before your time!

The quote arguably addresses how much of life is squandered while time inevitably passes, as people fail to contemplate that when pursuing pointless endeavors they may eventually realize that they are without a doubt in the process of dying while alive. Therein is fundamental truth.

My mishearing of a line in “Hero of the Day” is a matter of existential living (the capacity to live fully in the present and respond freely and flexibly to new experience without fear). It’s with this healthy perspective that I now turn toward a book that I’ve been steadily reading.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

What do you see when looking in the mirror, observing your loved ones, when out in public, while online as you watch people across the globe, and so on? Personally, I see that “someone there is dying.” Of this factual statement, ancient philosopher Epictetus stated (page 227): 

Whenever disturbing news is delivered to you, bear in mind that no news can ever be relevant to your reasoned choice. Can anyone break news to you that your assumptions or desires are wrong? No way! But they can tell you someone died—even so, what is that to you?

For context, in Depression and Reasoned Choice I stated “that reasoned choice is what causes one’s own outcomes, and that matters outside of such choice aren’t good or evil.” As well, “choice” is merely the act of choosing, as to “choose” is to select freely and after consideration.

Thus, reasoned choice is made through careful, rational deliberation, weighing options based on logic and reason, evidence, and values rather than impulse, emotion, or external pressure. This is a Stoic practice that takes time, attention, and effort to cultivate.

Although some may view Epictetus’s perspective as calloused, I don’t. Everywhere I look, I see people living and dying, and I recognize that all who live will experience death. Therefore, when “someone there is dying,” news of an inescapable end isn’t what causes your self-disturbance.

Rather, it’s your irrational beliefs about living, dying, and death which result in an unpleasant outcome. Favorably, I don’t experience a similar result. After all, I’ve carefully applied reasoned choice. Regarding a similar outlook, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 227):

A well-meaning friend might ask you today: “What do you think about [insert tragedy from the other side of the world]?” You, in your equally well-meaning concern, might say, “I just feel awful about it.”

In this scenario, both of you have put aside your reasoned choice without doing a single thing for the victims suffering from the actual tragedy. It can be so easy to get distracted by, even consumed by, horrible news from all over the world.

The proper response of the Stoic to these events is not to not care, but mindless, meaningless sympathy does very little either (and comes at the cost of one’s own serenity, in most cases). If there is something you can actually do to help these suffering people, then, yes, the disturbing news (and your reaction to it) has relevance to your reasoned choice.

If emoting is the end of your participation, then you ought to get back to your own individual duty—to yourself, to your family, to your country.

People die every day. It happens. You don’t believe me? Look at somebody right now—anyone will do. Are you looking at a person? Someone there is dying! The individual isn’t gone yet. Nevertheless, that person is dying. We all are!

Reasoned choice in this regard is a matter of not self-disturbing with unproductive beliefs about truth of reality. I’m going to die (hopefully sooner than later, because I’m ready to go). You’re going to die. Everyone each of us has ever met, currently know, and may ever encounter will die!

Why not view this matter through a Stoic lens, as provided by authors of The Daily Stoic? Take heed of what you can control and influence rather than of what you foolishly believe that you absolutistically must be able to change—which you can’t do? This is the way of rational living!

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

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