Anxiety: Stress Don't Affect Us, That's Just a Part of What Living Is

[DISCLAIMER]

When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.

An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Significantly, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.

Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.

Noteworthy, with my approach to care for mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”), I invite people to consider mental scripts which are rational (in accordance with both logic and reason) – especially regarding events which correlate with strong feelings.

Logic is the interrelation or sequence of facts when seen as inevitable or predictable, and reason is a statement offered in explanation or justification. As such, I often use syllogisms (deductive schemes of formal argument consisting of a major and a minor premise and a conclusion).

Importantly, a syllogistic statement, proposition, or belief may be logical while simultaneously unreasonable. In this case, even though the logic consequentially follows (the conclusion is a necessary and inevitable result of previous facts or premises), it’s considered irrational.

While still functioning as prescriptive rather than descriptive, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs won’t inevitably cause disturbance, as they may align with distress. Thus, rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.

As well, a rigid form of irrational belief results in self-disturbance (e.g., rage) while a flexible form of rational belief results in self-distress (e.g., righteous indignation). Ergo, what one thinks, feels (i.e., emotions and sensations), and behaves reveals what type of beliefs are being used.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Remarkably, natural forms of distress are tolerable (e.g., mild anxiousness, sorrow, frustration, annoyance, disappointment, etc.). Even though unnatural forms of disturbance are also tolerable (e.g., enragement), my approach to REBT seeks the outcome which is more likely to be endured.

Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. In particular, I invite you to consider use of a hypothetical syllogism.

Form –

If p, then q; if q, then r; therefore, if p, then r.

Example –

Major premise: If I routinely practice REBT, then I’ll likely self-disturb less.

Minor premise: If I’ll likely self-disturb less, then I’ll probably have a better life.

Conclusion: Therefore, if I routinely practice REBT, then I’ll probably have a better life.

When using hypothetical beliefs comprised by syllogistic form, one’s assumptions may be helpful, unhelpful, or simply non-impactful. I view the aforementioned syllogistic belief as helpful. Now, I’ll offer another helpful belief. Before doing so, I invite you to consider stress:

[T]he physiological or psychological response to internal or external stressors [any event, force, or condition that results in physical or emotional stress. Stressors may be internal or external forces that require adjustment or coping strategies on the part of the affected individual]. Stress involves changes affecting nearly every system of the body, influencing how people feel and behave.

For example, it may be manifested by palpitations, sweating, dry mouth, shortness of breath, fidgeting, accelerated speech, augmentation of negative emotions (if already being experienced), and longer duration of stress fatigue. Severe stress is manifested by the general adaptation syndrome. By causing these mind–body changes, stress contributes directly to psychological and physiological disorder and disease and affects mental and physical health, reducing quality of life.

Psychological stress is often defined as “a feeling of emotional strain and pressure.” Given the method by which the ABC model addresses this matter, stress of this variety is self-caused. This is where the distinction between stress and disturbance is relevant, as one source states (page 71):

REBT conceptualizes [distress] as healthy even though it is intense. Other approaches to therapy have as their goal the reduction of the intensity of negative emotions. They take this position because they do not keenly differentiate between healthy negative emotions (distress) and unhealthy negative emotions (disturbance).

Now, REBT keenly distinguishes between healthy distress and unhealthy disturbance. Healthy distress stems from your rational beliefs about a negative activating event, whilst disturbance stems from your irrational beliefs about the same event.

Complete elimination of distress is highly unlikely in an impermanent and uncertain world wherein people conceptually suffer, struggle, and battle with, or merely experience hardship. Still, individuals often make matters worse for themselves by disturbing about such instances.

Worth noting, generally speaking, it has been my personal and professional experience that younger generations fail to understand that distress in the form of stress is a natural component of life. Regarding this matter, one source states:

Stress is a natural human response that prompts us to address challenges and threats in our lives. Everyone experiences stress to some degree. The way we respond to stress, however, makes a big difference to our overall well-being.

I’ve been informally practicing as a life coach since 1991, having begun formally practicing as a psychotherapist in 2011. Thus far, I’ve not met anyone who doesn’t experience stress. Still, what people typically mean when referencing stress is actually categorized as anxiety:

[A]n emotion characterized by apprehension and somatic symptoms of tension in which an individual anticipates impending danger, catastrophe, or misfortune. The body often mobilizes itself to meet the perceived threat: Muscles become tense, breathing is faster, and the heart beats more rapidly.

Anxiety may be distinguished from fear both conceptually and physiologically, although the two terms are often used interchangeably. Anxiety is considered a future-oriented, long-acting response broadly focused on a diffuse threat, whereas fear is an appropriate, present-oriented, and short-lived response to a clearly identifiable and specific threat.

To some degree, even anxiousness is common amongst most (if not all) fallible human beings. When discussing stress versus anxiety the late psychologist Albert Ellis, who developed REBT, stated when asked about this important distinction (pages 274-275):

Bernard: Let me shift over to the treatment of particular problems that you’ve seen over the years. And what I’d like to do is to ask you about some key interventions or some key things that would help people who present with particular problems. If possible, could you confine yourself to forty- or fifty word replies summarizing what you’ve learned? A client comes to you and says, “Dr. Ellis, I am feeling very stressed.” What’s the thing that would help the most?

Ellis: I would first try to help her to see that she probably means she feels anxious—distress. Stress as a symptom is usually anxiety. But it could also be depression. So it’s probably either or both. Anxiety and/or depression. Let us say it’s anxiety. I would then ask, “What are you most anxious about?”

Bernard: So you identify the [Action].

Ellis: Yes. Work, school, love, sex, etc. And then I would show the anxious person that almost always he is asking for some guarantee. That’s what anxiety normally is. “I would like very much to do well and win approval. Therefore, I’ve got to. I need a guarantee. I only have a certain degree of probability—because I may have a good history of doing well and getting approval. But I’ve got to have a guarantee.” And I show him that’s his must. “I must have a guarantee.” Then I demonstrate that there is, of course, no reason why he or she must succeed. Most of the time stress is a form of anxiety.

Given this perspective, from a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.

For instance, from an A-C view, if person X doesn’t work, then this individual won’t eat. If person X cannot eat (Action), then he will likely die (Consequence). It wouldn’t be inappropriate to categorize person X’s situation as stressful. This is a completely natural part of living.

Still, from a B-C perspective, person X cannot find work (Action) and Believes, “Life is meaningless if spent toiling at work [G], and I can’t stand that I need a job [L]! In fact, it’s terrible that I live in a capitalistic society [A], because I shouldn’t have to work to live [D]!”

With this unaccommodating GLAD script, person X experiences anxiety (Consequence). Whereas natural stress associated with maintaining one’s own existence is something most people endure, anxiousness from person X’s self-narrative isn’t necessary in order to live.

Thus, distress in the form of stress is a natural component of life. Yet, self-disturbed anxiety is caused by inflexible beliefs. When further contemplating this matter, I’m reminded of the song “No Looking Down” by lyricist Dell-P, and featuring lyricist Speech of Arrested Development.

Released on the album Transition of Power (2025), Dell-P states on the track, “Stress don’t affect us, that’s just a part of what living is.” This is a helpful declaration that will now serve as a belief in the form of a hypothetical syllogism:

Form –

If p, then q; if q, then r; therefore, if p, then r.

Example –

If stress is just a part of what living is (p), then I’ll be mindful not to make myself anxious about the matter (q). If I’ll be mindful not to make myself anxious about the matter (q), then stress don’t affect us (r). Therefore, if stress is just a part of what living is (p), then stress don’t affect us (r).

This is a message I hope that generations younger than I can come to unconditionally accept. Arguably, everyone experiences stress. “That’s just a part of what living is.” However, you don’t have to give yourself symptoms of anxiety regarding this matter. Instead, simply deal with it!

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

References:

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