Blaming: This Is What You Voted For

[DISCLAIMER]

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

The authors quote Epictetus who stated, “You must stop blaming God, and not blame any person. You must completely control your desire and shift your avoidance to what lies within your reasoned choice. You must no longer feel anger, resentment, envy, or regret” (page 239).

Contained in the quote are Epictetus’s flexible recommendatory must statements which aren’t the same as self-distressingly or self-disturbingly inflexible absolutistic or conditional must forms of demandingness. For clarity, allow me to illustrate each of these descriptions or prescriptions.

You recommendatorily must wipe yourself after defecating. However, if you reject this flexible description of hygienic behavior, then your refusal to heed my guidance will have no impact on me. After all, you’re the one who may develop a rash, not I.

Now, suppose I inflexibly prescribed that you absolutely must do as I say. You reject my mandate, and aside from the unproductive attitude of demandingness I thereafter use irrational beliefs about how supposedly awful you are. You’d have a rash, as I’d then experience anger.

As well, I may inflexibly prescribe, using a conditional must narrative, that either you obey my demands, or you you’re a useless individual! You reject my proposition, as you’d have a rash. Meanwhile, I’d be resentful, because of my view about how you deigned to disobey me.

The takeaway here is that one’s perspective results in an unpleasant reaction. Given Epictetus’s quote, people are free to ignore his flexible recommendation. All the same, I find value in his helpful description. In particular, I stated in a blogpost entitled Who Is the One to Blame?:

[L]iterature pertaining to [REBT] discourages use of blame [finding fault with]. In particular, one REBT source states of this psychotherapeutic modality:

It encourages you to take full responsibility for your “upsetness” and for reducing it rather than copping out by blaming your parents or social conditions for your going along with their silly teachings.

In my approach to REBT, I invite people to take personal responsibility and accountability (collectively “ownership”) for the manner in which they respond to undesirable events. For instance, in a blogpost entitled Blame, I stated:

[W]henever practicing REBT I invite people to consider that this modality doesn’t promote the use of blame. The late psychologist who developed REBT, Albert Ellis, once stated in the interest of personal ownership:

The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.

This is an empowering approach to problem-solving.

Personally, empowerment through taking personal ownership for my reaction to undesirable events is more useful than irrationally blaming other people, places, things, or otherwise for the occurrence of these dis-pleasurable circumstances. Of course, some people disagree.

This psychoeducational lesson on blaming is particularly relevant in consideration of the current sociopolitical climate within the United States (U.S.). Although it appears as though our nation is consistently at odds with other countries, present events are particularly noteworthy.

Specifically, people who voted for U.S. President Donald Trump, associated with the America First and Make America Great Again (MAGA) movements, are self-distressing and self-disturbing quite a bit with unhelpful beliefs. For disclosure, I stated in You’ll Enjoy Yourselves:

[P]eople are free to make their own choices – which doubtlessly will be associated with unpleasant consequences no matter who prevails today, the 2024 U.S. Election Day. Rationally, I choose to acknowledge the limits of my control and influence. Ergo, I don’t vote.

Others choose to delude themselves with the illusion of control and influence by voting. For those of you who illogically and unreasonably select that option, you’ll enjoy yourselves. Right?

In that blogpost, I acknowledged that people in the U.S. have an inalienable right to vote. Further, I addressed the fact that I don’t vote. Additionally, I invited those who vote to consider that no matter who they voted for, they could take personal ownership for the outcome.

Importantly, I don’t blame those who voted for Trump and his administration for the 2026 Iran war facilitated by the U.S. and Israel against the sovereign Persian people. For instance, some critics of the Republicans claim “this is what you voted for” regarding Trump voters.

It would be an unjustified generalization to describe how all adherents to an America First or MAGA philosophy as bearing personal ownership for the actions of the Trump administration. Thus, it would be irrational to prescriptively blame these voters for conflict in the Middle East.

To my knowledge, many Trump voters have expressed that they believed Trump wouldn’t start new wars. Yet, here we are. Even if one assumes an uncharitable perspective, prescribing that these voters should have known what Trump would do, what evidence is there for this claim?

Taking the matter one step further, positing that some Trump voters perceivably knew that our nation would initiate new wars against other sovereign countries, these America First and MAGA voters likely have no personal ownership for the actions of Trump’s cabinet.

One step yet further, postulating how a portion of Trump voters currently serving Trump actually knew that conflict would be initiated, having helped facilitate war, I argue that blaming them for how you react is a matter of irrationality. Take personal ownership of your own reactions!

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, Designed by Freepik, fair use

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