Crimes Often Return to Their Teacher

[DISCLAIMER]

It was my mother who taught me to steal. From an early age, I observed her taking small items from her employer. As she was a custodian to a church congregation, she had unlimited access to plastic cups and cutlery, paper plates and napkins, and an assortment of food items.

“Shhh,” my mom said, “don’t tell anyone, because I’ll lose my job if people find out.” Not only did I learn to steal, I was taught that being deceitful about the act of stealing was acceptable. As I grew older, I began taking small items from various places, as well.

Therefore, it was my mother who taught me crime (an illegal act for which someone can be punished by the government). Admittedly, in this regard, my mom was a competent teacher (one in the position of instructing [giving knowledge to] others).

Although I don’t recall ever stealing from my mom, I remember the moral and ethical lines of what constituted criminality having been blurred. For instance, from other family members, I was taught a variant of the expression, “If you’ll lie, you’ll steal; and if you’ll steal, you’ll kill.”

A similar quote, attributed to the late George Herbert, is “show me a liar, and I’ll show thee a thief.” And reveal myself, I did. Not only did I lie and steal in my youth, I befriended gang members from fifth grade until my just after my senior year of high school.

As the statute of limitations for actions in which I may or may not have been involved haven’t expired, and may not have limitations at all, I won’t expand any further on the maladaptive behavior of my youth. The takeaway with this personal anecdote is that I learned from my mom.

The crimes I was directly and indirectly taught were ultimately visited upon my mom. As stated in Disturbed, “I observed my mom plunging my older sister’s head through a closed glass window.” My mom battered the person I most loved at that time in my life, as I continued:

I darted the kitchen and withdrew a chef’s knife from its location. Sprinting back to my sisters’ room, I recall having told my mom something like, “Get off of my sister or I’ll cut your fucking head off, bitch!”

Slowly, my mom dismounted my sister and maneuvered herself along the wall furthest from me. She stated, “You’re crazy! You’re fucking crazy!” When hearing this tale, those who knew me as a child haven’t asked whether or not the threat issued to my mom was serious.

I would’ve gladly decapitated my mom on the morning she abused my older sister while my younger sister stood frightened in the room. The intended criminal act would’ve been virtually indistinct from opening a can of soup. That’s the sort of nonadaptive behavior I learned as a kid.

In seventh grade, my mom placed me and my younger sister into a children’s home, supposedly to restructure her life with the expressed intention of retrieving us, yet she became “property” of the Bandidos Motorcycle Club. That’s how members refer to their “old ladies,” as “property.”

When affiliated with the outlaw motorcycle club (MC), my mom was reportedly involved in prostitution, narcotics use and/or distribution, and other criminal activity. Specifically, she was said to have been a “lot lizard” (a prostitute who operates at truck stops and rest areas).

On one occasion, my mom visited my sister and me at the children’s home when accompanied by a Bandido. Not only was I taught to lie, cheat, steal, and otherwise, I was shown that it was acceptable behavior to associate with others who were deeply involved with criminal activity.

Moreover, I was educated not to pledge loyalty to any criminal organization for the entirety of my life. As an example, I stated in Holding Church that “my mom shot an outlaw MC member in the buttocks.” One doesn’t simply shoot a Bandido and remain affiliated with the club!

In retrospect, the crimes I learned from my mom merely began my years of criminal activity. That criminal behavior returned to its teacher. Now, when reflecting upon the past that I intentionally fled by joining the military, I think of a book that I’ve been steadily reading.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

The authors quote ancient philosopher Seneca who stated, “Crimes often return to their teacher” (page 326). Expanding upon this claim, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 326):

It’s ironic that Seneca would have one of his characters utter this line. As we know, for many years Seneca served as the tutor and mentor to the emperor Nero. There is a lot of evidence that Seneca was, in fact, a positive moral influence on the deranged young man, but even at the time, Seneca’s contemporaries found it strange that a philosopher would serve as the right hand to such an evil person.

They even used the Greek word tyrannodidaskalos—tyrant teacher—to describe him. And just as Shakespeare observed in Macbeth, “Bloody instructions, which, being taught, return / To plague th’inventor,” Seneca’s collaboration with Nero ultimately ended with the student murdering the teacher.

I almost murdered my mom, as the student would’ve gladly relieved the teacher’s shoulders of the burden of supporting a head. Still, my mom, Nero, and I weren’t “evil” people. We were all merely fallible human beings who were capable of behaving poorly—and often did just that!

When further contemplating this matter, I’m reminded of something a client recently told me, “If you’re capable of stealing from a blind person, help yourself.” Depending on one’s perspective, the ability take an advantage of disadvantaged people is either an invitation to proceed with such behavior, or a recommendation to help oneself not to act in that manner.

Even the individual who robs a blind person isn’t evil. Such a person is simply an imperfect being who likely learned that it was acceptable to behave poorly. Nevertheless, authors of The Daily Stoic are free to unhelpfully label people as they see fit, as they also conclude (page 326):

It’s something to think about when you consider whom to work with and whom to do business with in life. If you show a client how to do something unethical or illegal, might they return the favor to an unsuspecting you later on?

If you provide a bad example to your employees, to your associates, to your children, might they betray you or hurt you down the road? What goes around comes around, is the saying.

Karma is a notion we have imported from the East, along similar lines. Seneca paid a price for his instructions to Nero. As has been true throughout the ages, his hypocrisy—avoidable or not—was costly. So too will be yours.

Crimes often return to their teacher, as mine were visited upon the one who taught me how to break the law. Now, I keep this lesson in mind when contemplating what it is that I’m teaching others when providing psychoeducational lessons within my blog.

I hopefully anticipate that I’m not directly or indirectly teaching people inappropriate or even criminal lessons. Of course, I’m a fallible human being. Therefore, if anything I’ve stated within my blog correlates with a deleterious outcome, know right now that this wasn’t my intention.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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