Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometime

[DISCLAIMER]

When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.

An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.

Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.

Although still serving as a form of prescription rather than description, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs doesn’t necessarily cause self-upset. Here, rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. There are a number of flexible and inflexible terms related to demandingness which serve as derivatives to “should,” “must,” and “ought” self-disturbing philosophies of life.

For instance, “In order to understand what I’m saying, you have to pay attention,” “You better not allow your mind to wander,” “You need to listen,” and, “If you want to stop self-disturbing, then you gotta practice REBT.” Perhaps a real-world example may enrich your comprehension.

I invite you to consider the 2012 single “Everybody’s Gotta Learn Sometime” by Dutch electronic dance music (EDM) group 4 Strings, featuring vocals by Fenna Day. Presumably, this track is a remix of The Korgis’ 1980 song “Everybody’s Got to Learn Sometime”.

Lyrics include, “I need your loving like the sunshine […] everybody’s gotta learn sometime.” When contemplating these words, do you reason that a person who states such a thing is using a flexible or inflexible narrative?

Personally, context matters in this regard. For instance, if person X breaks up with person Y, as the latter Believes, “I need your loving like the sunshine, though everybody’s gotta learn sometime about heartache,” then I suspect person Y would experience sadness (Consequence).

This outcome represents healthy distress. Yet, if person X breaks up with person Y, as the latter Believes, “I need your loving like the sunshine, though everybody’s gotta learn sometime, but we gotta stay together,” then person Y may experience depressive symptoms (Consequence).

Rigidity of the latter personal philosophy of life is what separates understandable sadness in the form of healthy distress from unfavorable depressive symptoms in the form of unhealthy disturbance. Do you understand this distinction?

Comprehending the finer points of demandingness is something everybody’s (recommendatorily) gotta learn sometime. Otherwise, people (preferably) gotta be prepared to experience unpleasant consequences. If you’d like to know more, then I’m here to assist.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

References:

Apple Music. (n.d.). Everybody’s Gotta Learn Sometime – Single [Image]. Apple Inc. Retrieved from https://music.apple.com/us/album/everybodys-gotta-learn-sometime-single/1358909534

Apple Music. (n.d.). Fenna Day. Apple Inc. Retrieved from https://music.apple.com/us/artist/fenna-day/1189871937

David, D. (2014, January). The empirical status of rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT) theory & practice. Albert Ellis Institute. Retrieved from https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/document?repid=rep1&type=pdf&doi=26813393d7370232253cf964c38a4a03d98b0b97

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RazNitzanMusic. (2018, March 3). 4 Strings & Fenna Day – Everybody’s Gotta Learn Sometime (RNM) [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/OZZd4p8Nyl4?si=BOeOlCxJyZ0zeXxG

UnionSquareMusic. (2024, February 14). The Korgis – Everybody’s Got to Learn Sometime (Official HD video) [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/ns_wvl6JB6E?si=i25d3G7FeQ6hOSqC

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