It Doesn't Matter, Because I Wasn't Even Trying

[DISCLAIMER]

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

It’s worth noting that I don’t agree with everything that anyone says. There aren’t exclusionary criteria to this rule for ancient Stoic philosophers, such as Epictetus, who authors of The Daily Stoic quote (page 31) thusly:

I am your teacher and you are learning in my school. My aim is to bring you to completion, unhindered, free from compulsive behavior, unrestrained, without shame, free, flourishing, and happy, looking to God in things great and small—your aim is to learn and diligently practice all these things.

Why then don’t you complete the work, if you have the right aim and I have both the right aim and right preparation? What is missing? . . . The work is quite feasible, and is the only thing in our power. . . . Let go of the past. We must only begin. Believe me and you will see.

Despite not agreeing with everything Epictetus stated in that quote, each of the linked terms reflects matters about which I’ve written within my blog. As such, I agree with most of what the Stoic philosopher expressed herein. Of the quote, authors of The Daily Stoic add (page 31):

Do you remember, in school or early in your life, being afraid to try something because you feared you might fail at it? Most teenagers choose to fool around rather than exert themselves. Halfhearted, lazy effort gives them a ready-made excuse: “It doesn’t matter. I wasn’t even trying.”

To expand upon this perspective, I ask that you forgive me a personal anecdote. In a blogpost entitled Don’t Call Me Baby, I briefly discussed the fact that I used to practice graffiti on my math class homework and how such behavior ultimately led to my removal from the class.

Similar to the image above, representing a math homework task from 1994, I doodled on assignments to which I contributed very little effort. “But, Deric, you didn’t miss any of the answers. How did you receive a top mark, though you tried so little?” you may ask.

I’m not saying that I cheated off of the paper from the girl who sat next to me in class, though the reflected grade on that assignment wasn’t an accurate indication of my mathematical skills. Generally, I believed of effort toward school, “It doesn’t matter, because I wasn’t even trying.”

My irrational beliefs about failing (if or when I actually put forth genuine effort) led to unproductive doodling behavior. Concerning this matter, I stated in a blogpost entitled The Right Angle to Try:

In high school, my performance in math was so poor that I was placed in a mobile trailer behind the school with other students who also experienced difficulty with math.

We were mathematical pariahs, doomed to suffer shame stemming from beliefs about our disadvantaged positions. Through the lens of [REBT], this belief-consequence (B-C) connection is known as self-disturbance.

Aside from belief-influenced behavior of the B-C connection that relates to the ABC model in REBT, there are also action-consequence (A-C) connections in life. For instance, because I continually drew graffiti on assignments (action), I was transferred to the separate class (consequence).

From a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using B-C connections. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there are no A-C connections. Regarding this matter, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 31):

As we get older, failure is not so inconsequential anymore. What’s at stake is not some arbitrary grade or intramural sports trophy, but the quality of your life and your ability to deal with the world around you.

Don’t let that intimidate you, though. You have the best teachers in the world: the wisest philosophers who ever lived. And not only are you capable, the professor is asking for something very simple: just begin the work. The rest follows.

Trying (action) and failing (consequence) is a natural experience in life. Still, when failing (action) and unhelpfully concluding that there’s no use of trying in the first place (belief), then this unhelpful self-narrative is what causes intimidation and fear (consequence).

Rather than disturbing oneself in such a way, Epictetus, authors of The Daily Stoic, and I invite you to simply go to work on improving your life. Simply begin. You may succeed. You may also fail. Sometimes you’ll partially succeed while likewise partially failing at the same time.

Yet, you’ll not know what A-C connection is ahead if you allow a B-C connection to keep you from beginning the work. “It doesn’t matter, because I wasn’t even trying” is a matter of rationalization, not rational thinking (in accordance with both logic and reason).

Thus, in the interest of rational living, I invite you to try – even if failure is a possibility. Besides, if being transferred to a trailer behind your school is the punishment for not trying, then perhaps putting forth effort and failing will result in others also trying to help you achieve success.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

Daily Stoic. (n.d.). Translating the Stoics: An interview with “The Daily Stoic” co-author Stephen Hanselman. Retrieved from https://dailystoic.com/stephen-hanselman-interview/

Holiday, R. and Hanselman, S. (2016). The daily stoic: 366 meditations on wisdom, perseverance, and the art of living. Penguin Random House LLC. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-daily-stoic-366-meditations-on-wisdom-perseverance-and-the-art-of-living-d61378067.html

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