So Good It Requires Concealment

[DISCLAIMER]

When I was in elementary school, my mom often complained about her finances. Frequently, my sisters and I were blamed for her undesired disposition. “If I didn’t have y’all,” my mom lamented, “I’d be better off! I’m broke [penniless]! Broke, because of y’all!”

To remedy her literally unfortunate situation, my mom participated in get-rich-quick schemes (plans to obtain high rates of return for a small investment). This included playing the lottery (or “lotto”), buying raffle tickets, and spending additional money on gas for begging trips.

The latter involved vising various church congregations across town and parading her “starving children” before congregates while pleading for handouts (portions of food, clothing, or money given to or as if to a beggar). That was preferable to events during which she’d steal from people.

On one particular occasion, my mom purchased several raffle tickets for a Kmart promotion involving a brand new Jeep. “I want you kids to pray that I win, so that I can sell it,” my mom instructed. I learned a lot of lessons from my late mom, and adjusted my life accordingly.

Thus, when serving in the United States (U.S.) Marine Corps, I was leery of beggars. “Aye, devil dog,” a Marine would say upon approach, “can I get $100? I promise to pay you back on payday.” When I declined, the Marine would quickly respond, “Well, fuck you then!”

This was a common experience. Aside from my suspiciousness about impoverished conditions of one’s own making (i.e., no one forced my mom to have three children), I also promised myself never to gamble for money, play the lottery, or participate in get-rich-quick schemes.

Of course, that didn’t stop others from attempting to use me as a personal automated teller machine (ATM). For example, one family member who unfavorably became addicted to opioids often came around with her hand out.

“Hey, B-Dogg,” she’d say when using antiphrasis (the rhetorical device of saying the opposite of what is actually meant in such a way that it is obvious what the true intention is), as she knew I befriended Crips, “can I get $400 to hold me over until payday?” Her misfortune wasn’t mine.

After repeatedly receiving calls and threats from bill collectors to whom she submitted my contact information without my consent, I eventually let her go. I don’t regret that decision. After all, she had little (if any) concern for my well-being. To her, I was merely a fleshly ATM.

Noteworthy, it was at that stage in my life that I valued lyrics from Biggie’s song “The What”, produced by Easy Mo Bee and featuring Method Man, from the 1994 album Ready to Die. They state, “Fuck the world, don’t ask me for shit. Everything you get, you gotta work hard for it!”

Some people may consider that former reaction unacceptable. Yet, be it my mom when growing up, Marines for whom I vowed to kill or die, or other biological family members, I concluded that my financial success wouldn’t be burdened by the bad choices of others.

Here, “bad” is defined as failing to reach an acceptable standard. Alternatively, “good” is defined as being of a favorable character or tendency. As such, I considered my reaction to be good regarding people with their hands out and who didn’t care about my well-being (bad).

Perhaps you maintain a different perspective, which I respect. In that case, I suppose it’s a good thing that you and I don’t have to agree upon how to morally and ethically navigate life. Given my past worldview, I’m reminded of a story from 2019. According to one source:

Some lottery winners go to great lengths to remain anonymous — and one person who hit the jackpot just took that to a scary new level. A winner of the Super Lotto in Jamaica wore a mask form the 1996 horror movie “Scream” to pick up his grand prize last week.

Donning a white ghostly mask made popular by the film, the winner, identified only as A. Campbell, arrived at the Spanish Court Hotel in Kingston to pick up his giant check […] Campbell claimed the $158,400,000 prize — which equals nearly $1.2 million in U.S. currency — without ever showing his face.

Photo credit, fair use

For obvious reasons listed herein, if I ever retroactively played the lotto – and if I won, I may’ve likely behaved similarly to Campbell, because I understood that some people didn’t consider it good if I had money in my account as they had none. About this view, I’m reminded of a book.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

Relatively long since a brash “fuck the world” perspective I adopted from “The What”, my worldview has since been shaped by Stoic virtues. Regarding this matter, I stated in a blogpost entitled On Virtue:

Now, as I frequently practice REBT in my personal life, I also value Stoic virtues. Of these, in a blogpost entitled Stoicism, I stated:

Noteworthy, it isn’t enough to merely understand or believe in REBT and Stoic philosophy. Practical application of theoretical and philosophical tenets is required. This involves consideration of Stoic virtues (wisdom, courage, temperance or moderation [i.e., self-control], and justice).

Prudence, temperance, and moderation are shared virtues from my past. Likewise, justice is a core virtue that has remained the same for me. Still, Stoic virtues regarding wisdom and courage augment nicely with my foundational virtues from childhood.

Rather than disregarding others without careful deliberation, I suspect that if I now somehow came into $1.2 million I wouldn’t necessarily don a Scream mask. Perhaps, in the interest of justice, I’d establish an REBT clinic for people who are incarcerated. Then again, who knows?

I still maintain that “everything you get, you [recommendatorily] gotta work hard for it, per “The What”. Thus, I don’t play lotto. In any event, setting aside unlikely hypotheticals, I value Stoic virtues. Regarding this, ancient Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius stated (page 128):

Here’s a way to think about what the masses regard as being ‘good’ things. If you would first start by setting your mind upon things that are unquestionably good—wisdom, self-control, justice, courage—with this preconception you’ll no longer be able to listen to the popular refrain that there are too many good things to experience in a lifetime.

With Aurelius’s perspective, contemplation of what I would or wouldn’t do if I won the lottery is unnecessary. Instead, I can set my mind to Stoic virtues and live according to them right now. Regarding this admission, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 128):

Is it that controversial to say that there are the things that people value (and pressure you to value as well)—and there are the things that are actually good? Or to question whether wealth and fame are all they are cracked up to be? As Seneca observed in one of his plays:

“If only the hearts of the wealthy were opened to all!

How great the fears high fortune stirs up within them.”

For centuries, people have assumed that wealth would be a wonderful cure-all for their unhappiness or problems. Why else would they have worked so hard for it?

But when people actually acquired the money and status they craved, they discovered it wasn’t quite what they had hoped. The same is true of so many things we covet without really thinking.

On the other hand, the “good” that the Stoics advocate is simpler and more straightforward: wisdom, self-control, justice, courage. No one who achieves these quiet virtues experiences buyer’s remorse.

Growing up in poverty with my mom taught me about living within my means. The experience of begging Marines taught me that people treat you well when they want something. Yet, when deprived of what they demand, they will instantly insult you as though you’ve wronged them.

Having a family member who completely disregarded healthy boundaries taught me that what Styles P said on “Can I Live”, from the LOX’s album We Are the Streets, was correct, “Blood thicker than water? Only in certain cases. You need water to live. You learn that in the basics.”

Given my years of empirical learning, I imagine that winning the lotto is so good it requires concealment. How many open hands would extend in my direction? How many moments of disturbed tranquility would I endure? How many threats to my life would I receive?

All of that, for what? I don’t know what I’d do with $1.2 million of prize money, being that I don’t value receipt of funds I didn’t earn. Alas, at least I do know what I can do with daily practice of Stoic virtues. How about you? What do you imagine these virtues may do for you?

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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