Spoiled Without Boundaries

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Photo credit, property of Paramount Pictures, fair use

Veruca Salt is a character in the 1964 children’s novel Charlie and the Chocolate Factory who was subsequently featured in the 1971 musical fantasy film Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. Describing this character, one source states:

Veruca is a very rude, defiant, greedy, unruly, entitled, and demanding girl who wants material possessions. She is prone to raising her voice and shouting at people when she does not get her way. In addition, Veruca even made a huge mess during one of her violent temper tantrums.

When watching the film in childhood, I understood that Veruca lacked healthy boundaries (appropriate proposals which indicate or fix a limit or extent). For instance, in one scene of the film, Veruca fervently declares, “If I don’t get the things I am after, I’m going to scream.”

She then begins aggressively acting out. This is an indication of one who exhibits behavior that is spoiled (to impair the disposition or character of by overindulgence or excessive praise; and to damage seriously). When considering this matter, I think about a book that I’ve been reading.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

The authors quote ancient Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius who stated, “Chasing what can’t be done is madness. But the base person is unable to do anything else” (page 107). In Veruca’s case, she lost touch with reality when spoiled without boundaries.

For instance, using the ABC model of REBT, I invite you to consider how the irrational belief of demandingness is something that causes one’s own experience with self-disturbance (how people upset themselves with unhelpful beliefs). In specific, think about conditional beliefs.

As a matter of context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and a person Believes an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s one’s unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence (self-disturbance).

In Veruca’s example, healthy boundaries were established by personnel at a chocolate factory that she visited (Action). As indicated by her statement, “If I don’t get the things I am after, I’m going to scream,” Veruca then maintained an unaccommodating conditional Belief.

This condition was, “Either I must get the things I am after, or I must scream and misbehave until others acquiesce to my demands.” With this unfavorable prescriptive Belief, Veruca then screamed and began exhibiting nonadaptive behavior when at the factory (Consequence).

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Favorably, for other attendees at the chocolate factory, Veruca’s behavior was punished. Thus, her self-disturbed condition didn’t then create an undesirable activating event for other people. Regarding this example, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 107):

A dog that’s allowed to chase cars will chase cars. A child who is never given any boundaries will become spoiled. An investor without discipline is not an investor—he’s a gambler.

A mind that isn’t in control of itself, that doesn’t understand its power to regulate itself, will be jerked around by external events and unquestioned impulses. That can’t be how you’d like tomorrow to go. So you must be aware of that.

The authors address the matter of self-control, rather than succumbing to a state of being spoiled without boundaries. This is a matter regarding another REBT tool known as unconditional acceptance (UA).

At the hazard of oversimplifying this technique, UA addresses how much control and influence an individual has in life. In jeopardy of reducing this tool even further, the ultimate conclusion is that one has control only of oneself (e.g., how one chooses to respond to undesirable events).

In the case of Veruca Salt, neither she nor her dad exhibited proper control over their own behavior. Thus, neither of these individuals was effective at attempting to influence other people within the chocolate factory. Given this outlook, authors of The Daily Stoic conclude (page 107):

You must put in place training and habits now to replace ignorance and ill discipline. Only then will you begin to behave and act differently. Only then will you stop seeking the impossible, the shortsighted, and the unnecessary.

Aurelius proposed that chasing what can’t be done is a matter of insanity (colloquially: unsoundness of mind or lack of the ability to understand that prevents someone from having the mental capacity regarding personal responsibility and accountability).

As an antidote to losing touch with reality in this way, authors of The Daily Stoic ostensibly advocate training one’s mind to take control of one’s own controllable elements in life (e.g., whether or not one will throw a temper tantrum in a chocolate factory).

In this same vein, I invite you to consider whether or not a standard of being spoiled without boundaries is in alignment with your own interests and goals. If behaving like a petulant child isn’t something you want to do, then you don’t have to act out in such a manner.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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