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Writer's pictureDeric Hollings

That's Life

 

In 2003, I was introduced to the music of rapper Bone Crusher via the song “Never Scared” that featured lyricist Killer Mike and rapper T.I. It was the kind of track that bouncers at clubs would likely not have appreciated, as the crowd would become a little too rowdy when the song played.

 

Subsequently, I became a fan of all three artists. Then, in 2006, I was excited to learn that Killer Mike released his album I Pledge Allegiance to the Grind, a two-disc collection of songs which cemented in my mind his status as a lyricist and not merely a rapper.

 

Perhaps as important to me as his lyrically constructed verses was Mike’s apparent fearlessness regarding the matters he addressed in his songs. For instance, he boldly challenged the behavior of Oprah Winfrey and Bill Cosby – both black celebrities who were seemingly above reproach at the time.

 

I’d grown up watching Cosby’s content and at one point he was considered a father-like figure for many within the so-called black “community” of the United States (U.S.). I say “so-called,” because there is no such entity as a monolithic black community within the U.S.

 

I also consumed the content of Winfrey when she was involved with tabloid-style television and she later began acting. Even during the six weeks Winfrey spent in my hometown of Amarillo, Texas, defending herself in a lawsuit from the beef industry, I sided with her over my own town.

 

In any case, both Winfrey and Cosby gained such notoriety that they ostensibly grew comfortable with behaving like moral arbiters for U.S. blacks. Viewing this matter through the lens of rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT), allow me to explain what I mean.

 

REBT theory maintains that when an unexpected Activating event occurs and a person uses an irrational Belief about the situation, it’s one’s unhelpful attitude and not the undesirable circumstance that causes unpleasant emotional, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.

 

Rather than remaining self-disturbed, an individual is invited to try Disputation which may lead to an Effective new belief that’s used in place of an unproductive self-narrative. With the ABC model, a person learns to stop needless suffering which is caused by unhelpful assumptions.

 

Of the four major irrational beliefs recognized in REBT literature, demandingness occurs when a person moralistically and dogmatically demands what should, must, or ought to occur. I suspect you’re familiar with this form of absolutistic or conditional type of self-disturbance.

 

As an example, consider what one source states about what has colloquially been termed as the “Ghettoesburg Address” delivered by Cosby:

 

In the speech, which was subsequently widely disseminated and analyzed, Cosby was highly critical of the black community in the [U.S.]. He criticized the use of African-American Vernacular English, the prevalence of single-parent families and illegitimacy, perceived emphasis on frivolous and conspicuous consumption at the expense of necessities, lack of responsibility, and other behaviors.

 

For the record, I agree with much of what Cosby stated in his speech, especially in regard to personal responsibility and accountability. Nevertheless, agreement with Cosby’s position doesn’t afford me the right to inflexibly demand that others should behave in this or that way.

 

Therefore, I appreciate that REBT uses the technique of unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance, unconditional other-acceptance, and unconditional life-acceptance.

 

To address how UA applies to Killer Mike, consider his song “That’s Life” which is featured on I Pledge Allegiance to the Grind and contains a sample of the legendary late artist Frank Sinatra’s song “That’s Life.” For instance, in the intro of the track, the lyricist states:

 

Told you last tape, I’m a killer, man

I’m a rapper, what the fuck do I know?

Well I’m also a nigga that came off Martin Luther King [MLK], man

Son of a dope lady

And I went to fuckin’ Morehouse, nigga

I accomplished something, I became something, nigga

That’s who I am to criticize any nigga

Oprah, Bill, Clinton, Cosby, anybody

 

I’m going to take a brief moment to laugh at how well-respected Bill Clinton was among U.S. blacks at one point, that Killer Mike would acknowledge him as a “nigga.” My late stepmom, a black woman, also adored Clinton. Yet, I digress.

 

Killer Mike sets the stage for why it is he believes that he has the moral position to denounce moral arbiter influence. This occurs when the likes of Cosby morally criticize black people while Mike and his ilk reject such rigid condemnation. The lyricist’s first verse states:

 

The fat bitch singing, show over, end opera

Leader of the crack Rat Pack, I, Sinatra

They say I dissed Oprah

I’m like, “So what?”

I never get to jump up and down on a sofa (that’s life)

Now watch me as I Cruise like Tom through the slums

Where the education’s poor and the children growing dumb

In the section of the city where saditties don’t come

Where Mr. Cosby and Ms. Winfrey won’t come

Unless it’s a hurricane, then FEMA don’t come

Coming live from the city where the Dreamer [MLK] came from

Standing on the same corners that he stood upon

I got violence in my waistband, death in my palm

Ask ‘em am I a bad guy, ya goddamn right

I done seen how ya do a nigga when he doin’ right

The Dream [MLK] died on a balcony, standin’ at a hotel

Now niggas whippin’ coke gel [cocaine] and a O tale [opioids?]

We desegregated – put black with the white

No longer marching for rights, they sparking a pipe (that’s life)

Pipe dreams, crack fiends

Cars look like ice cream

Kids see the bling-bling and they want them nice things

All ‘cause of tennis shoes, our kids drop out of schools

They said be like Mike, so ball nigga (that’s life)

 

Killer Mike outlines various socioeconomic issues faced by many urban black people while criticizing the arrogance of people like Winfrey and Cosby who ostensibly offer little support other than chastisement in the form of negative ratings.

 

In REBT, global evaluations or negative ratings are another type of the four major irrational beliefs. Using this unhelpful approach to life, a person negatively rates oneself, others, or life in general.

 

For example, Winfrey has been accused of not liking rappers or rap music. She’s apparently denied such accusations. Still, in the interest of illustration, let’s imagine that in an alternative dimension there’s someone named Soprah who detests not only rap music, though rappers.

 

Soprah irrationally believes, “All rappers are worthless!” This is a global evaluation that doesn’t use a balanced perspective. Could it be that some rappers have worth? Even among those who are considered most unpleasant, are they totally worthless? Have they no value at all?

 

When negatively rating others in the way of Soprah, an individual lacks nuance and this sort of assumption causes self-disturbance. As an example, because of Soprah’s unhelpful attitude, she unproductively demeans an entire category of people based on arbitrary qualities.

 

Rather than merely describing rap or rappers as unimportant to Soprah, she prescribes that they are totally worthless to everybody. Thus, the moral imperative logically follows. “Because rappers are worthless, people shouldn’t listen to them,” Soprah unfavorably concludes.

 

Given this imagined scenario, I now turn toward Killer Mike’s criticism of the behavior he apparently observed from Cosby and Winfrey. If people ostensibly evaluate him negatively and morally lambaste him, Killer Mike rejects their behavior through his song “That’s Life.”

 

This is where UA applies to the matter. Rather than upsetting oneself with unhelpful beliefs about how others behave, Killer Mike invokes Sinatra’s Stoic personal philosophy, “That’s life.” This is a matter of personal ownership (responsibility and accountability).

 

Because Killer Mike can’t control or influence the likes of Cosby or Winfrey – as they are self-determined and autonomous individuals who, although fallible by nature, are free to like or dislike whomever or whatever they choose – Mike instead takes ownership of his own beliefs.

 

This is how UA functions. An individual, taking personal ownership of the beliefs which cause self-disturbance, relinquishes the illusion of control or influence over others. Rather than needlessly self-upsetting, Killer Mike merely states to himself, “That’s life.”

 

This healthy practice then allows the lyricist to focus his resources (i.e., time, energy, etc.) on matters which he can actually control or influence. Thus, UA is a helpful practice of relieving unpleasant suffering and increasing one’s own level of frustration tolerance.

 

If we’re to seek truth in this life, we may come to realize that the best outcome we’ll likely achieve is a good-enough standard of rational living. This is accomplished through the practice of tolerance and acceptance.

 

As a helpful UA adage, Killer Mike states “that’s life” in regard to undesirable events. Noteworthy, each remaining interlude, verse, and outro of “That’s Life” are worthy of careful dissection, as I could expand upon REBT concepts expressed throughout the track.

 

However, I think that what I’ve provided in this post thus far will suffice while serving as a foundation for Winfrey’s relatively recent behavior with which I’m dissatisfied. In particular, I dislike Winfrey’s actions taken in support of the Vice Present of the U.S. Kamala Harris.

 

Regardless of whether or not Winfrey personally or professionally received a reported $1-$2.5 million in financial contributions from Harris’ presidential campaign, I don’t appreciate how Winfrey ostensibly served as a mouthpiece for a questionable presidential administration.

 

During a speech in support of Harris, Winfrey moralistically declared of non-voters (such as me), “Sit this one out? We don’t get to sit this one out!” Stating that people don’t “get to” sit out an election, or to refrain from voting, moralistically infers that people must not sit out an election.

 

I do, in fact, get to sit out an election. Actually, I’ve sat out every U.S. election and plan on doing so until I die. As such, I reject the moral imperative issued by Winfrey. She may be rich and powerful, though she holds no authority over me.

 

All the same, I’m not self-disturbed regarding this matter. Similar to Killer Mike’s rejection of moralization and ultimate practice of UA, I conclude that although I don’t appreciate Winfrey’s expressed demandingness, “that’s life.”

 

Perhaps this approach to rational living will also serve you well. If you’re willing to be honest with yourself, you can’t control and most likely won’t be able to influence others. Therefore, take personal ownership of your beliefs about undesirable events which continually occur.

 

If a self-indulgent celebrity such as the imagined character Soprah speaks down on you from atop her pristine pedestal, you don’t have to upset yourself about the matter. In fact, you do get to sit out the process of self-disturbance if you so choose. After all, that’s life, per ol’ Blue Eyes.

 

If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

 

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!

 

 

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW


 

References:

 

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