Point the Finga

[DISCLAIMER]

Photo credit, property of Women’s National Basketball Association, fair use

Why on Earth Would I Pay Attention to Reddit?

To strengthen my practice of providing care for mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”), I often peruse Reddit to obtain knowledge, wisdom, and understanding about social trends affecting the field in which I work. “Why?” you may ask.

For better, worse, or otherwise, artificial intelligence (AI) mechanisms reportedly train on the social media platform. Therefore, as many of my current clients use AI which gleans information from Reddit, I prefer to familiarize myself with knowledge stemming from AI social media slop.

Granted, I don’t pet the proverbial animals when visiting a metaphorical zoo, as I don’t use an active Reddit account. Rather, I observe fallible human beings and AI bots interacting with one another, acquire understanding about how Reddit informs AI, and carry on about my business.

Point the Finga

When recently visiting the SipsTea subreddit, I discovered a post detailing a reported event after which Women’s National Basketball Association (WNBA) players Caitlin Clark and DeWanna Bonner were apparently involved in an on-court mix-up, as Sophie Cunningham then intervened.

Admittedly, I don’t watch the WNBA. Still, per my understanding of the matter, Clark and Cunningham are teammates. When Clark was ostensibly assigned a technical foul for physical contact with Bonner, Cunningham appears to have advocated on behalf of her teammate.

Cunningham’s subjectively humorous method of support was to repeatedly and assertively point her finger at Bonner. As I’m not familiar with the backgrounds of the white player Cunningham or the black player Bonner, I remain ignorant about how the gesture was intended or received.

What remains apparent is how perturbed Bonner appeared to be, and how Cunningham’s strident continuation of the pointing behavior endured when it was apparent that Bonner was angry. As I don’t know the ins and outs regarding the underlying details, I can only speculate.

Therefore, I’ll turn from the Cunningham-Bonner event at this time. Rather, I’ll discuss what the pointing gesture meant in my youth. This is why I’ve brought up the topic of race. Those people who are familiar with my blog likely know that I’m biracial (i.e., white mom and black dad).

In childhood, regarding the black people with whom I was familiar, the pointing gesture was considered intentionally provocative. Some people associated the act with blame, and others claimed that the gesture was indicative of one’s mother having been deceased.

I have no clue as to why pointing at someone translated into the interpretative phrase “yo mama’s dead,” though that’s apparently how some people viewed the gesture. Nevertheless, what remained comprehensible was that pointing at someone was an invitation for violence.

For instance, on his second studio album Strictly 4 My N.I.G.G.A.Z… (1993), lyricist 2Pac featured the song “Point the Finga” in which stated, “I guess nobody loves a rap singer. That’s why these motherfuckers point the finga,” adding, “Boom boom boom on your black ass.”

I’ve seen people get the ever-loving shit beat out of them for pointing the finger at other individuals. Admittedly, I used to think such nonadaptive behavior was funny. Perhaps that’s why I laughed at the Cunningham-Bonner event, as I’ve come a long way since my youth.

It’s funny to me, as my former ignorance about what led from one action to a reaction was obvious, yet I remained as unaware as ever. Now, I’ll offer a psychoeducational lesson about how being pointed isn’t what results in one’s unhealthy reaction. Something else is to blame.

Personal Ownership

When practicing Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I use personal responsibility and accountability (collectively “ownership”). For improved understanding, responsibility is defined as the quality or state of being responsible, such as a moral, legal, or mental accountability.

Here, “responsible” is defined as liable to be called to account as the primary cause, motive, or agent, and being able to answer for one’s conduct and obligations—something, such as the demands of conscience or custom, that obligates one to a course of action.

Also, “accountable” is defined as subject to giving an account—a statement explaining one’s conduct. Accountability is defined as the quality or state of being accountable, especially regarding an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one’s actions.

When providing psychoeducational lessons on REBT, a psychotherapeutic modality which arguably requires that one preferably should take personal ownership in order to reduce self-distress or self-disturbance, I lean heavily on both responsibility and accountability.

This is because I maintain that people have personal agency (a person’s ability to control one’s own reactions to activating events which are beyond one’s own dominion, especially when one’s response is limited by someone or something else). This is a matter of self-empowerment.

REBT

REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as distress or disturbance.

Noteworthy, with virtually any undesirable Action that occurs, it’s your unfavorable Beliefs which cause unpleasant distress or disturbance (Consequence). Given this framing of self-distress and self-disturbance, it’s worth noting that one REBT source states (page 71):

REBT conceptualizes [distress] as healthy even though it is intense. Other approaches to therapy have as their goal the reduction of the intensity of negative emotions. They take this position because they do not keenly differentiate between healthy negative emotions (distress) and unhealthy negative emotions (disturbance).

Now, REBT keenly distinguishes between healthy distress and unhealthy disturbance. Healthy distress stems from your rational beliefs about a negative activating event [Action], whilst disturbance stems from your irrational beliefs about the same event.

Complete elimination of distress is highly unlikely in an impermanent and uncertain world wherein people conceptually suffer, struggle, and battle with, or merely experience hardship. Still, individuals often make matters worse for themselves by disturbing about such instances.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to distress or disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive scripts, think of the acronym GLAD.

Additionally, from a psychological standpoint, people distress or disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.

Regarding an A-C view, someone points at you (Action) and you perceive that you’re being signaled out (Consequence). Your perception isn’t what causes a reaction. Instead, from a B-C perspective, what you tell yourself about being pointed at is what induces something like anger.

As an example, someone points at you (Action), you Believe, “This worthless piece of shit [G] is someone I can’t stand [L], because it’s horrible being signaled out [A], so I gotta teach this motherfucker not to point at me [D],” and then you become angry (Consequence).

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

The above GLAD narrative is one of self-disturbance, as negative and unhealthy anger resulted when you were merely pointed at by someone else. Without use of personal ownership for your reaction to undesirable events, you endorse disempowerment each time someone points at you.

One doesn’t need to imagine how this plays out. If the Cunningham-Bonner event is any indication, Cunningham ostensibly rage-baited Bonner. Still, it was likely Bonner’s B-C connection that caused her reaction. That’s what’s to blame.

Conclusion

I pay attention to Reddit sources for practice of REBT. Helpfully, I discovered a recent event regarding WNBA players Cunningham and Bonner. Even as I type this blogpost, I find the matter subjectively humorous. (I’ll even admit that I like Cunningham’s attitude.)

Specifically, Cunningham supported her teammate, Clark, by fervently pointing a finger at Bonner who was perceived to have behaved in an undesirable manner. This form of rage-baiting was merely a matter of the A-C connection. Thus, one can’t blame this act on resulting anger.

Someone pointing a finger at another person isn’t what causes anger which is negative and unhealthy (or even healthy, for that matter). Rather, as I’ve demonstrated herein, the B-C connection is what causes a reaction (e.g., anger) when an initial action occurs (e.g., pointing).

Therefore, just as Cunningham apparently advocated on behalf of her teammate, I’m advocating use of personal ownership concerning one’s own outcomes in life. To be blunt, if you crashout when someone points at you, then you’ve shown that you have the tolerance level of a child.

Who gives a damn if someone points at you? Let people point the finga! That shit doesn’t signal anything other than your inner-narrative—the B-C connection you’ll use in response. Now, own your reaction, or be viewed as little more than responding like a petulant child! [pointing at you]

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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