The Gift of Memory Lives On

[DISCLAIMER]

On their 2011 album Professional Dreamers, a hip hop group from Västerås, Sweden known as Looptroop Rockers released the song “Joseph” which featured vocals of Swedish singer Lisa Ekdahl. Lyrics of the first verse state:

I remember, back on the ‘Long Distance Runner’ tour

Me, Supreme, and Large did the ultimate show

Ultimate meaning, last, and so emotional

It was Joseph’s show

He had cancer, and not much time left

His last wish was to see us live, before he left

When we played “Last Song”, the whole crowd was crying

And I felt like this music’s a matter of living and dying

This isn’t a tune with the superficiality of a ringtone song. Rather, Looptroop Rockers blasted right into the cosmos of existentialism. Regarding this matter, one source states:

Existentialism is a family of philosophical views and inquiry that explore the human individual’s struggle to lead an authentic life despite the apparent absurdity or incomprehensibility of existence. In examining meaning, purpose, and value, existentialist thought often includes concepts such as existential crises, angst, courage, and freedom.

Arguably at its core, existentialism acknowledges that each and every person will inescapably experience the freedom of death. You, I, and everyone we’ve ever known, currently know, or ever will know – to include Joseph, to whom Looptroop Rockers devoted a song – will die.

Understanding this, with my daily practice of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) I keep in mind the logical and reasonable technique of unconditional life-acceptance (ULA). In essence, ULA acknowledges the impermanence and uncertainty of life.

Likewise, this helpful tool addresses how little control and influence each person has in life. Given this debatably existentialist frame, people who practice ULA are invited to humanistically do their part to reduce self-disturbance in pursuit of Stoic-esque eudaimonia (a well-lived life).

When presenting psychoeducational lessons on ULA to clients, in my blog, and with people in my personal life, I’ve found that it isn’t uncommon for people to shy away from discussing death. Apparently, some individuals irrationally believe they can ignore their inevitable demise.

One thing I appreciate about Looptroop Rockers is that the group isn’t afraid of contemplating this topic. Moreover, they aren’t frightened by unreasonable beliefs about how they shouldn’t, mustn’t, or oughtn’t to remind others about the unavoidability of death. Thus, verse two states:

This lady started by saying that her daughter’s best friend was so sick

Stomach something, doctors can’t tell what it is

But it’s been three months in a hospital bed

And it’s been real hard, not knowing what’s ahead

For us all, and especially for her, of course

She was sad that she missed

All of your shows

Last summer, but we opened up the balcony door

So she heard you from afar, fantasizing about meeting you all

I said that could be done, “Just let me know what to do,” write something on her website, too

I mean it’s easy for me, and if it means anything to her

I’m just blessed to touch somebody else’s world

I got a thank you mail

Send some autographs over, “Hope you get well soon”

Probably forgot about it, because it felt like a shock when I got the terrible news

I’m just writing this to let you know

That our fight here is over

She had to go

At least now her pain is gone, and she’s somewhere better, smiling

Man, I felt like this music’s a matter of living and dying

I imagine that it was cathartic to have written that verse. Though I disagree with the proposition of knowing that a person is “somewhere better, smiling” after death, I find it touching that the group expressed how relatively easy it is to try to uplift people while they’re still alive.

When informally serving as a life coach in my early years, my main goal was to help people feel better in a similar fashion. However, as a psychotherapist who practices REBT, one of my primary objectives is to try to help people actually get better. Thus, catharsis isn’t sufficient.

For instance, how many people do you know who feel (emotion and sensation) better when hearing that they and everyone they love will inexorably die? In “Joseph”, such news was unfavorably described as “terrible.” Even most people I know don’t want to talk about death.

Yet, how will these individuals get better to the degree whereby they’ll become resilient enough to unconditionally accept both life and death? Such an experience disputably doesn’t stem from avoidance. For the final verse of the track, Looptroop Rockers state:

He made his ultimate playlist

Thinking, “This is what I wanna listen to when the train hits

My life, I can’t take it

So let me take my life”

Feeling alone and abandoned

Mp3 player on random

That’s why he took it as a sign

That some kind of god thought that it wasn’t his time

When he looked at the tunnel, and the train that came through

He heard the first notes of “The Struggle Continues”

The title track changed his train of thought, and [he] stepped off the train tracks

The group addressed use of a low frustration tolerance narrative (i.e., I can’t take it) and how this form of irrational belief can lead to suicidal behavior. Alternatively, I argue that people preferably should use ULA beliefs in order to achieve high frustration tolerance instead.

Of course, self-determined and autonomous individuals are free to do as they choose. Personally, I prefer daily practice of ULA in order to lead a rational life. How about you? When realizing that you will undeniably die, what self-narrative will best serve your interests and goals?

When contemplating this matter, I encourage you to further consider that death isn’t a scary, terrible, or altogether miserable topic. It’s with comprehension of death that meaning is attained in one’s current existence. Are you utilizing your time appropriately?

Or do you self-disturb with unfavorable beliefs about death? If the latter, I ask you to entertain the idea that you may not want others to recall you as having wasted precious time in life fearing the inevitable. Besides we can live on through memories, as the chorus of “Joseph” states:

The songs

Will live on

Because you made them yours

Made them yours

My friends

You ain’t gone

Forever in my thoughts

In my thoughts

In closing, I was recently reminded of a friend from my youth. His name was Joel, and he died almost a year ago. We attended the same high school, hung out together at a few parties, and Joel lives on in my memory as a relatively big guy with an even bigger heart (compassion).

The gift of memory lives on, even though Joel is no longer here. And just as Looptroop Rockers offer “Joseph” as an existential lesson on the value of life in view of an inescapable death, I offer a psychoeducational lesson on ULA which is broadly associated with existentialism.

I don’t remember Joel in the way many people recall others when they die—reflecting more pleasantries than realistic elements of an individual’s life. Rather, the gift of memory left by Joel represents his authentic life despite the apparent absurdity or incomprehensibility of existence.

Given this perspective, how would you like others to remember you? Even if all they have is a single blurry photo of you smokin’ and drinkin’, will people recall how you treated them—compassionately? If not, you still have time to influence how you’ll live on in memory.

Rest easy, Joel. One.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

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