You Can't Unring a Bell

[DISCLAIMER]

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

The authors quote Zeno, the founder of the Stoic school of philosophy, who stated, “Better to trip with the feet than with the tongue” (page 304). Of this, the authors add, “You can always get up after you fall, but remember, what has been said can never be unsaid. Especially cruel and hurtful things” (page 304).

Regarding this matter, I’m reminded of a concept taught to me by my late stepmom. Her lesson was structured for me to think before I spoke. “You can’t unring a bell,” she told me. Concerning this phrase, one source states:

In law, unring the bell is an analogy used to suggest the difficulty of forgetting information once it is known. When discussing jury trials, the phrase is sometimes used to describe the judge’s instructions to the jury to ignore inadmissible evidence or statements they have heard. It may also be used if inadmissible evidence has been brought before a jury and the judge subsequently declares a mistrial.

Unfortunately, when I experienced significant administrative and legal problems when serving in the military, the importance of this lesson manifested during my special court-martial. For context, my former commanding officer (CO) testified that I didn’t have rehabilitative potential.

Prior to tainting the jury, without any foundation other than his personal opinion, the CO received advisement from the judge not to make such a claim. When my legal counsel objected, the jury was momentarily removed from the courtroom, and the prosecutor then admitted:

Sir, if it would help any, the government does not oppose an instruction to the members to disregard that inference from the witness’s statement. The government counsel was not anticipating the word “military” be thrown in the response. And we would not object to an instruction that tells them to ignore that.

You can’t unring a bell, as the jury members heard my former CO ostensibly defame my character by declaring that I had no military rehabilitative potential. However, as a passive attempt to remedy the matter, the judge for my court-martial stated:

Well, this is what I am going to do. I am going to bring the members back in. I am going to instruct them to disregard the witness’s opinion testimony, ask if they would be able to follow that instruction, and then give you another opportunity to lay a foundation for opinion testimony from this witness on the issue of rehabilitative potential, and any other area that he can address.

He is not limited to rehabilitative potential. The manual has a list of areas that he can offer opinion testimony for, if a proper foundation is laid. I did get the sense, though, that this witness is anxious to expand upon this area and get into issues that are not proper for this court-martial.

The judge admitted that my former CO appeared “anxious” to ring a figurative bell that the jury members couldn’t forget they’d heard. When one receives information, it isn’t a given that one will simply disregard the data if instructed to do so. That’s not how life works!

This appears to be what Zeno and authors of The Daily Stoic cautioned people to consider. It also relates to the helpful analogy bestowed upon me by my late stepmom. You can’t unring a bell. Still, this lesson isn’t meant to function as a chilling effect on free speech.

Rather, I advocate this teaching so you can think before you speak. Unlike authors of The Daily Stoic who fixated on “cruel and hurtful things,” I’m not here to serve as the moral arbiter of the universe. Thus, if you thought before expressing “cruel and hurtful things,” then good!

Think, because you can’t unring a bell. All the same, as was the case when my former CO’s testimony destroyed my case, you can tolerate and accept “cruel and hurtful things.” After all, using a Stoic perspective, the ringing of the bell isn’t what causes your reaction to the sound.

Rather, what you believe about a rung bell is how you distress or disturb yourself. All throughout my special court-martial, I heard the proverbial ringing of a bell. Now, I’ve earned two graduate degrees, own a private business, and work with people to get better rather than to feel better.

Getting better is what rehabilitation is all about! You can’t unring a bell, though you can use the figurative ringing as a soundtrack to self-improvement! As long as you think before ringing a bell or use the tone of someone else’s ringing as a melody to your performance, then you’ve practiced Stoicism.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, Designed by Magnific, fair use

References:

Daily Stoic. (n.d.). Translating the Stoics: An interview with “The Daily Stoic” co-author Stephen Hanselman. Retrieved from https://dailystoic.com/stephen-hanselman-interview/

Holiday, R. and Hanselman, S. (2016). The daily stoic: 366 meditations on wisdom, perseverance, and the art of living. Penguin Random House LLC. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-daily-stoic-366-meditations-on-wisdom-perseverance-and-the-art-of-living-d61378067.html

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