Fallen

[DISCLAIMER]

On Sarah McLachlan’s 2005 electronic dance music (EDM) release Bloom: Remix Album was a track entitled “Fallen” (Gabriel & Dresden Anti-Gravity Mix / GM Edit) which featured EDM duo Gabriel & Dresden (simply called the “Fallen” remix herein). I enjoy the song quite a bit.

Still, I’d be satisfied listening to McLachlan singing pages of a phonebook (a printed book with an alphabetical list of names, addresses, and telephone numbers from a particular geographical area, used for finding contact information before the widespread use of the Internet).

What I appreciate about the “Fallen” remix is what I now know about Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), as opposed to my ignorance (lack of knowledge, education, or awareness) of mental, emotional, and behavioral health upon the track’s release.

In fact, one could’ve filled many libraries with virtually countless phonebook-sized volumes of information about which I remained ignorant regarding such health matters. Now, two decades after the song’s release, I still remain clueless about many of these issues.

Yet, I know a thing or two about REBT. Concerning the “Fallen” remix, consider the following portion of McLachlan’s cited lyrics:

We all begin with good intent

When love was raw and young

We believe that we can change ourselves

The past can be undone

But we carry on our back the burden time always reveals

In the lonely light of morning

In the wound that would not heal

It’s the bitter taste of losing everything

That I’ve held so dear

I’ve fallen

I have sunk so low

I messed up

Better I should know

So don’t come ‘round here and

Tell me I told you so

Regarding the first cited verse, consider that REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

McLachlan states, “We believe that we can change ourselves, the past can be undone.” This is denial of ULA, which acknowledges that the past is inalterable. Although people delude themselves when love is “raw and young,” we simply don’t have the ability to change the past.

Think of the love referenced by McLachlan as the leaves upon a tree. Some leaves are able to cling to branches longer than others. Nevertheless, at some point, they’ll all become fallen remnants of the past. This is ULA acknowledgment of impermanence and uncertainty.

As well, the vocalist states, “In the wound that would not heal, it’s the bitter taste of losing everything,” as she presumably contemplates that she’s merely a fallible human being (USA), just like the person with whom she is in love (UOA). Such is UA and relief from suffering.

Concerning the second cited verse, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and one Believes an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s one’s unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

McLachlan states, “I messed up, better I should know.” A self-disturbed form of demandingness, one of the four main irrational beliefs recognized by REBT, would involve the vocalist maintaining that she absolutely should or shouldn’t know that she “messed up.”

Yet, McLachlan uses an un-disturbed version of this belief by maintaining that she preferably should or shouldn’t know that she’s made a mistake. While absolutistic demands are rigid, preferential beliefs are flexible. Thus, McLachlan’s expression wouldn’t cause suffering.

Ultimately, whereas the ABC model is a scientific approach to wellness, UA serves as a philosophical method for un-disturbing yourself. I view the former as an abortive approach to disturbance and the latter as a preventative method.

Having briefly remedied your imagine ignorance about mental, emotional, and behavioral health by examining cited verses from the “Fallen” remix, I invite you to consider other useful REBT examples within my blog. If you have any questions, then please don’t hesitate to reach out.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters. 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit (edited), fair use

References:

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