Stoicism, Overcompensation, and a Superiority Complex

[DISCLAIMER]

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

One source succinctly states of Stoicism, “It’s a philosophy designed to make us more resilient, happier, more virtuous and more wise—and as a result, better people, better parents and better professionals.” Given my unique perspective on Stoicism and REBT, I take a different approach.

Rather than attempting to help people become “happier,” I instead offer the prospect of contentment (the quality or state of being contented—belief in or showing satisfaction with one’s possessions, status, or situation). As well, in a blogpost entitled Tolerance, I stated:

Since 2011, I’ve practiced [REBT] after learning about this psychotherapeutic modality in graduate school. Given my approach to the model, I have a number of objectives when working with clients:

·  I seek to help people push through discomfort so that they may grow.

·  Rather than helping clients feel better, I aim to help them get better.

·  I invite people to use purpose and meaning in order to tolerate and accept how little control and influence they have in life.

·  I try to help people achieve a higher level of functioning and improved quality of life.

·  I advocate rational living, which is a type of existence in accordance with logic and reason.

In order to achieve these aims, I take an active-directive approach to psychotherapy. A form of cognitive behavior therapy developed by the late psychologist Albert Ellis, REBT uses a number of techniques to facilitate personal change.

In that post, I noted that I began practicing REBT after having earned a Master of Arts in Counseling degree (2009-2011). I’ve since gone on to earn a Master of Science in Social Work degree (2012-2014), as I also focused on REBT during my second instance of graduate school.

Nevertheless, what I didn’t mention in the above-referenced citation was that the path taken to my current professional practice of care for mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”) began in childhood, and was uniquely challenging.

Specifically, it started with life coaching, which the American Psychological Association (APA) defines as “a form of teaching and encouragement (one-to-one or coach-to-group) designed to help individuals identify and meet goals of importance to them in their personal and work lives.”

The photo above was taken during “boot leave” (an authorized period of respite from regular military duties taken after initial indoctrination following United States (U.S.) Marine Corps Recruit Training). By 1996, when that picture was taken, I’d informally life-coached for years.

In 1991, when residing in a children’s home, I served as an unofficial life coach for a number of other minor-aged residents and adult staff members. Back then, I didn’t know how to help other people or what to do regarding their problems, though people sought my help nonetheless.

Similarly, I knew little about my undiagnosed symptoms of major depressive disorder (MDD), posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). I simply thought that when my late mom often referred to me as “retarded,” her claim was valid.

Also, given my chipped front tooth and obesity, cystic acne, and freckles—all of which served as content for which I was bullied in childhood, I believed my mom when she referred to me as “ugly.” When physically battering me, my mom figuratively beat these labels into my mind.

I place no blame on my mom for my reaction to MDD or PTSD, both conditions associated with her behavior toward me, or for her reaction to my ADHD, as each of these disorders was diagnosed later in my life. Had she not mistreated me, I wouldn’t have begun life coaching.

All the same, by the time the photo above was taken, I’d developed a complex, which the APA defines as “a group or system of related ideas or impulses that have a common emotional tone and exert a strong but usually unconscious influence on the individual’s attitudes and behavior.”

In particular, the APA defines an inferiority complex as “a basic feeling of inadequacy and insecurity, deriving from actual or imagined physical or psychological deficiency, that may result in behavioral expression ranging from the withdrawal of immobilizing timidity to the overcompensation of excessive competition and aggression.”

For context, the APA defines compensation as “substitution or development of strength or capability in one area to offset real or imagined deficiency in another. This may be referred to as overcompensation when the substitute behavior exceeds what might actually be necessary in terms of level of compensation for the deficiency.”

I was likely overcompensating for real or imagined deficiencies when I began life coaching in my youth. I took that practice into the military, as I learned behavior shaping (the production of new forms of operant behavior by reinforcement of successive approximations to the behavior).

During my time in the U.S. Marine Corps (1996-2007), I experienced insecurity, which the APA defines as “a feeling of inadequacy, lack of self-confidence, and inability to cope, accompanied by general uncertainty and anxiety about one’s goals, abilities, or relationships with others.”

Explicitly, my beliefs about my character and abilities were insecure (not highly stable or well-adjusted). Perhaps life coaching afforded me an opportunity to focus on others, thus avoiding the critical analysis necessary to identify my own issues and then address them.

While undergoing my primary graduate studies, I helpfully learned to separate personal beliefs and behavior from my concept of self. I further learned how to use the ABC model to challenge my cognitive content, as well as unconditional acceptance for myself, others, and life.

I also discovered that irrespective of MDD, PTSD, ADHD, and military-acquired traumatic brain injury (TBI), I could helpfully practice Stoicism to offset the effects of overcompensation. To aid in my educational and occupational competency, I learned as much about REBT as possible.

Because of this knowledge, client X accused me of having a superiority complex, which the APA defines as “in the individual psychology of Alfred Adler, an exaggerated opinion of one’s abilities and accomplishments that derives from an overcompensation for feelings of inferiority.”

For a moment, I encourage you to once again look at the picture above. While many of the imperfections captured in the image have since been remedied, I’m still the fallible human being depicted in that photo. Thus, I’m not superior (of higher rank, quality, or importance) to others.

Maybe because my personal point of view doesn’t stem from a place of superiority, I consider criticisms of my professional practice of REBT through use of a perspective which is rational (in accordance with both logic and reason). In essence, I’ve asked myself, “Is what was said true?”

In this way, I value that ancient Stoic philosopher Seneca stated, “When philosophy is wielded with arrogance and stubbornly, it is the cause for the ruin of many. Let philosophy scrape off your own faults, rather than be a way to rail against the faults of others” (page 348).

When practicing REBT and Stoicism in a personal capacity, I bear in mind of how I use judgment (the act or process of forming an opinion or evaluation by discerning and comparing). As an example, I judge my irrational beliefs, though I don’t appraise myself.

Likewise, when practicing REBT and Stoicism in a professional capacity, I’m cognizant of the fact that when expressing judgment of client X’s beliefs (e.g., “that sounds like a bad decision”), it may seem as though I’m appraising this person. Apparently, that’s what occurred recently.

Client X accused me of having a superiority complex and cited as evidence my favor for semantics (aspects of language that have to do with meaning), because I often define the terms I use. For instance I’ve clarified the meanings of words within this post and in client X’s sessions.

“Am I overcompensating?” I asked myself when the superiority complex accusation was leveled against me. Instead of quickly answering the question, I’ve taken a couple days to carefully consider differing sides of this argument. After all, I don’t want to violate Seneca’s prescription.

The answer at which I’ve arrived is that it’s my job to critically analyze client X’s beliefs, yet not the person with these views. Thus, it wasn’t that I was behaving in a similar manner as my mom, whose rigid superiority was unsurpassed in my youth, as, unlike her, I use rational compassion.

Therefore, my personal practice of Stoicism is different than my professional use of this philosophical method. Regarding an individual’s approach to philosophy, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 348):

Remember, the proper direction of philosophy—of all the things we’re doing here—is focused inward. To make ourselves better and to leave other people to that task for themselves and their own journey.

Our faults are in our control, and so we turn to philosophy to help scrape them off like barnacles from the hull of a ship. Other people’s faults? Not so much. That’s for them to do.

In the photo above, I’d recently learned skills for use by military members. For example, I learned how to efficiently kill people. That was an appropriate skillset for one area of my life (i.e., potential combat situations), though not for other parts (e.g., settling personal grievances).

Conversely, I use Stoicism in my personal capacity (e.g., considering how to respond to client X’s claim), as I also use philosophy in my professional capacity (e.g., attempting to teach client X to consider what one controls or influences in any situation). It’s not like learning how to kill.

Consequently, I practice Stoicism on my own and provide psychoeducational lessons to others regarding use of philosophy. Thus, I don’t follow the advisement from authors of The Daily Stoic who state (page 348):

Leave other people to their faults. Nothing in Stoic philosophy empowers you to judge them—only to accept them. Especially when we have so many of our own.

You, my late mom, client X, and I are (were) all fallible human beings with our own faults (moral weaknesses less serious than a vice). And while it’s not my place to take on aspects of a superiority complex by judging any person, it is my job to identify nonadaptive behavior.

Client X pays for the mental health services that I offer. This includes use of Stoicism. While I don’t believe that I’m overcompensating for any real or imagined deficiencies when working with this person, identification of unhelpful reactions may be viewed as a superiority complex.

Ergo, I can understand how client X may not see or even appreciate the complex and complicated journey I’ve taken from having informally begun life coaching in 1991, to having become a psychotherapist in 2011, to working with this individual up until recently.

And why ought it to be any other way than how it so evidently is? Client X doesn’t have to know how far I’ve come—from apparently having been a retarded and ugly child /s—to nominally overcompensating through maintenance of an apparent superiority complex. I can use Stoicism.

Now, I invite you to consider a similar outlook. Some skills are appropriate for specific collective situations (e.g., learning how to kill for military operations). Others methods are suitable for individual circumstances (e.g., use of philosophy in one’s own life).

Even still, there are specific techniques which may be beneficial for both collective and individual conditions (i.e., addressing MDD, PTSD, ADHD, and TBI, working with clients by way of REBT and Stoicism, etc.). So, it all depends on the situation at hand.

Maybe when you help yourself while trying to assist others, people will level accusations against you. They may accuse you of being retarded, ugly, or even maintaining a superiority complex. I encourage you to carefully consider the allegations against you, even if doing so isn’t enjoyable.

After rationally assessing the situation, perhaps you may do as I’ve decided to do. I’ve determined that client X’s remark doesn’t define me any more than all the labels my late mom affixed to me. As such, there’s nothing to for which compensate, especially overly so.

I know who and what I am. Do you? If not, then I invite you to explore this matter. You may not appreciate what you discover, and that’s okay. Even then, you can tolerate and accept the outcome. In some capacity, I’ve tried to help people do this since the late ‘90s. It’s doable!

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

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Hollings, D. (2024, October 21). Impermanence and uncertainty. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/impermanence-and-uncertainty

Hollings, D. (2026, April 26). Impulse. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/impulse

Hollings, D. (2025, May 18). Irreverent communication: Use of sarcasm, snark, and cynicism. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/irreverent-communication-use-of-sarcasm-snark-and-cynicism

Hollings, D. (2022, August 31). Iss-me vs. iss-you. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/iss-me-vs-iss-you

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Hollings, D. (2025, April 23). Judgment. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/judgment

Hollings, D. (2026, March 11). Just the facts. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/just-the-facts

Hollings, D. (2025, October 13). Knowledge, wisdom, understanding. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/knowledge-wisdom-understanding

Hollings, D. (2022, November 10). Labeling. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/labeling

Hollings, D. (2025, May 18). Learning to understand, attentively and deeply. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/learning-to-understand-attentively-and-deeply

Hollings, D. (2025, January 14). Level of functioning and quality of life. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/level-of-functioning-and-quality-of-life

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Hollings, D. (2023, January 8). Logic and reason. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/logic-and-reason

Hollings, D. (2022, June 23). Meaningful purpose. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/meaningful-purpose

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Hollings, D. (2023, October 2). Morals and ethics. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/morals-and-ethics

Hollings, D. (2024, September 27). My attitude. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/my-attitude

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Hollings, D. (2026, March 18). Prejudice vs. discernment: Bias. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/prejudice-vs-discernment-bias

Hollings, D. (2023, November 23). Problems. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/problems

Hollings, D. (2024, January 1). Psychoeducation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychoeducation

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Hollings, D. (2025, December 19). PYA—push your ass—until you change. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/pya-push-your-ass-until-you-change

Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2024, May 15). Rational living. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-living

Hollings, D. (2025, August 13). Rational versus irrational thoughts and beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-versus-irrational-thoughts-and-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2024, March 14). REBT and emotions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rebt-and-emotions

Hollings, D. (2025, February 24). Reinforcement and punishment. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/reinforcement-and-punishment

Hollings, D. (2024, January 20). Reliability vs. validity. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/reliability-vs-validity

Hollings, D. (2024, May 8). Resilience. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/resilience

Hollings, D. (2025, June 15). Retarded. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/retarded

Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous

Hollings, D. (2025, January 15). Satisfaction. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/satisfaction

Hollings, D. (2026, February 25). Self-confidence versus self-esteem: Modest confidence. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-confidence-versus-self-esteem-modest-confidence

Hollings, D. (2026, June 11). Shaping: Force of habit – No rewarding bad behavior! Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/shaping-force-of-habit-no-rewarding-bad-behavior

Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Stoicism. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/stoicism

Hollings, D. (2024, March 19). TBI. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/__tbi

Hollings, D. (2026, April 12). The Cartesian crisis: What do I control? What do I influence? Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/ the-cartesian-crisis-what-do-i-control-what-do-i-influence

Hollings, D. (2025, October 22). The construct. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-construct

Hollings, D. (2022, December 14). The is-ought problem. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-is-ought-problem

Hollings, D. (2026, April 23). The three traditionally identified components of the mind: Affect, cognition, and conation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-three-traditionally-identified-components-of-the-mind-affect-cognition-and-conation

Hollings, D. (2025, November 9). The true measure of wisdom. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-true-measure-of-wisdom

Hollings, D. (2023, February 16). Tna. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/__tna

Hollings, D. (2025, February 28). To try is my goal. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-try-is-my-goal

Hollings, D. (2024, June 14). Tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/tolerance

Hollings, D. (2025, January 9). Traditional ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/traditional-abc-model

Hollings, D. (2024, October 20). Unconditional acceptance redux. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-acceptance-redux

Hollings, D. (2023, March 11). Unconditional life-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-life-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2023, February 25). Unconditional other-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-other-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2023, March 1). Unconditional self-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-self-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2026, February 17). Unexpected strings: Escapism and avoidance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unexpected-strings-escapism-and-avoidance

Hollings, D. (2025, February 9). Value. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/value

Hollings, D. (2025, September 5). What do your vices cause? Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/what-do-your-vices-cause

Hollings, D. (2025, January 10). Who is the one to blame? Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/who-is-the-one-to-blame

Hollings, D. (2026, April 30). Willfully stuck: I’m stuck in my ways. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/willfully-stuck-i-m-stuck-in-my-ways

Hollings, D. (2024, April 17). Wishes, dreams, and goals. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/wishes-dreams-and-goals

Hollings, D. (2026, March 8). You are not your beliefs or ideas. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/you-are-not-your-beliefs-or-ideas

Hollings, D. (2026, June 2). You ought to be ashamed. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/you-ought-to-be-ashamed

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