Let's Get It On

[DISCLAIMER]

Background

The above photo of me was taken at either five- or six-years-old, given that I presumably wore a Frogger t-shirt upon release of the 1981 arcade action game. Also depicted in the picture are a toy rifle, toy handcuffs, and a toy law enforcement (LE) badge (on the wrong area of my body).

In retrospect, I wonder what my dad thought about the photo. For context, in his younger years, he was a hippie (counterculture movement of the mid-1960s to early 1970s concerned with principles of nonviolence and that maintained an antiwar sociopolitical stance).

In adulthood, my dad became a Jehovah’s Witness (a nontrinitarian, millenarian, and restorationist Christian denomination in which members refuse military service while also advocating nonviolence). In any event, I hugged that toy rifle in a joyous and pleasurable way.

As I grew older, my dad taught me to respect authority, refrain from advocating and engaging in violence, and he discouraged me from joining the military. Yet, not long after graduating high school, and in part as a rebellious act against teachings of my upbringing, I joined the military.

Enlisting in the United States (U.S.) Marine Corps with a guaranteed contract for military police, I was able to combine rifles, handcuffs, and an LE badge. During my enlistment, I also became a Marine Security Guard (diplomatic security provider for embassies and consulates).

I served from 1996 to 2007, learning how to skillfully operate various firearm platforms and properly apply the use of force continuum for the U.S. military, as I served on two tactical teams. For a number of reasons, I chose to leave behind the LE field and become a psychotherapist.

REBT

Although I began informally life coaching when in seventh grade, honing my skills since then, I wanted to move in a direction other than LE and security after earning a Bachelor of Science in Occupational Education degree with a focus on justice administration in 2009.

Therefore, I enrolled in graduate school in 2009, earning a Master of Arts in Counseling degree in 2011. During that time, I also dedicated the focus of my studies to Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT).

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence.

Noteworthy, there are four major irrational beliefs people often use: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD. For instance, consider the following examples:

(G)lobal evaluations – “Life isn’t worth living.”

(L)ow frustration tolerance – “I can’t stand anguish.”

(A)wfulizing – “It’s awful living in agony!”

(D)emandingness – “I mustn’t be tormented within my mind!”

In the context of upsetting oneself, an individual can go from use of GLAD beliefs to a mad, sad, or other unpleasant disposition rather quickly. Ergo, the process of upsetting oneself with these unfavorable beliefs is referred to as “self-disturbance” in REBT.

As an example, person X may Believe, “Life isn’t worth living [G], because I can’t stand anguish [L]. In fact, it’s awful living in agony [A], as I mustn’t be tormented within my mind [D]!” With these unaccommodating Beliefs, the person then experiences sorrow (Consequence).

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

In addition to the ABC model, REBT uses the technique of unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

Whereas the ABC model is a scientific approach to wellness, UA serves as a philosophical method for un-disturbing yourself. Rather than using rigid self-narratives, person X could’ve instead used a flexible attitude. Still, not all REBT practitioners use the same style as I.

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

For instance, person X could admit one’s own faulty nature with limited control and influence (USA), and acknowledge human fallibility regarding other people (UOA) and the imperfection which is inherent in life (ULA). Such recognition is where tolerance and acceptance begins.

Personal Anecdote

While in graduate school in Plainview, Texas, during spring break in 2010, I was apprehended by LE in Austin, Texas. Initially detained in the Travis County Jail while being investigated for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, I was later released without formal arraignment.

In short, while at H-E-B (grocery store), an unidentified man approached me in a parking lot with one hand concealed in his waistline while pointing a finger at me with his other hand and loudly issuing a verbal threat in regard to my life. All of this related to a parking spot.

Worth noting, there was no method of ingress (entering or gaining access to a space) or egress (exiting or leaving a space). Also, there was a vehicle behind the one I was driving, people walking in front of the car, the threat was to my right, and cars moved just left of my position.

I was trapped! At the time, I maintained a CHL (Concealed Handgun License)—a program which has since transitioned to an LTC (License to Carry). I was seated in the driver’s seat of my friend’s vehicle as the man approached the front passenger’s window of the car.

As he drew closer to the vehicle, the man observed that I had a pistol in the front seat with my hand on the firearm. He immediately backed away from the vehicle while loudly yelling something along the lines of, “He has a gun! He’s threatening me,” or words to the effect.

Apparently, the man reported to LE that I had brandished a firearm and threatened him, as he told police that he also feared for his life. It was never made clear to me as to whether or not the man maintained a weapon on his person. All the same, he was the one who contacted LE.

As I told LE officers when I cooperated with the investigation, I followed my MP training. I escalated and then de-escalated my response according to the use of the force continuum with which I was familiar. Apparently, this was the reason I was released on my own recognizance.

After graduating with a master’s degree in counseling a year later, I enrolled in graduate school in Austin in 2012, earning a Master of Science in Social Work degree in 2014. Also, I’ve been informed that due to my 2010 apprehension, I was passed over for a number of jobs.

Practicing REBT, I’m grateful for experiencing healthy distress rather than unhealthy disturbance regarding missed employment opportunities. Distress tolerance in this regard relates to enduring frustration, annoyance, and disappointment rather than making myself enraged.

At any rate, I think there’s an invaluable psychoeducational lesson worth illustrating herein. Before describing the ABC model that I experienced during the 2010 event, I think three matters are worth noting.

First, at whatever age I was when the photo for this blogpost was taken, I lived with my late mom who was a fan of the late soul singer Marvin Gaye’s music. For instance, from his 1973 album Let’s Get It On, I recall often hearing the track “Let’s Get It On”, as lyrics include:

Let’s get it on, ooh, ooh, let’s get it on

You know what I’m talkin’ ‘bout

Come on, baby, hey, let your love come out

If you believe in love

Let’s get it on, ooh, let’s get it on, baby

This minute, oh yeah, let’s get it on

Please, let’s get it on, hey, hey

“Let’s get it on” is an obvious sexual innuendo. Noteworthy, I appreciate Gaye’s interest and goal for honoring his lover’s time, as punctuality is heavily emphasized with the soul singer having urged to engage in sex “this minute,” as opposed to at a later time. (No time to waste!)

The second matter worth noting is that on the 2003 debut studio album by hip hop group The Diplomats, Diplomatic Immunity, group members Cam’ron and Juelz Santana were featured on the track “Let’s Go” which contained a sample from Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On”. Lyrics include:

Uh, you niggas dealing with a G from the block

Yeah, it’s me from the block

Quick to tell a nigga (“let’s get it on”)

But I don’t really like to beef on the block

That brings heat to the block

I got to eat on the block, nigga

In this context, “let’s get it on” is a reference to the initiation of violence. Whereas Gaye used this phrase to invite the act of sexual intercourse, Santana’s use of the expression ostensibly calls for expedient engagement of deadly force (e.g., brandishing a firearm with intent to use it).

The final matter worth noting is that from a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.

As an example, when deadly force is used by person Y who shoots person Z in the head with a .45 ACP round (Action), impact from the ammunition causes catastrophic head trauma that results in death (Consequence). From an A-C perspective, bullets cause mortal injuries.

Alternatively, when I received a credible threat to my life by an unidentified man at H-E-B (Action), I Believed, “I must protect myself [D], because it’ll be awful if he pulls out a gun and shoots me [A]!” With this attitude, I experienced fear and readied my pistol (Consequence).

In essence, I was ready to get it on in the interest of self-defense when using a B-C outlook. Now, I invite you to consider whether or not the fear I experienced was rational (in accordance with both logic and reason). Illustrating the logic I used, consider the following syllogism:

Form (modus ponens) –

If p, then q; p; therefore, q.

Example –

If I value my life, then I preferably should defend it. I value my life. Therefore, I preferably should defend it.

Do you consider this logical conclusion to be reasonable? To assist with your decision-making, I encourage you to understand the reasonable person standard. Addressing this matter, one source states:

If you ask a lawyer, a reasonable person is a person who is rational, empathetic and in most other ways ordinary. But not every person is ordinary, and over time two different analytical factors come into play when applying the reasonable person standard. The first factor is objective. It involves determining whether a self-defender’s actions are in line with what a rational and prudent individual would do in the same or similar situation. This focuses on the standards of a civil society, and, of course, common sense. It disregards traits that are personal to an individual, like, for example, being easily frightened.

The second factor is subjective in that it recognizes that people have varying levels of education, perceptional abilities, experience and personal traits that may directly influence their decision-making. It considers factors such as age, physical and mental condition, and even specific knowledge that might not be commonly held. This allows for a degree of flexibility in the application of the standard.

Given my background in LE, which includes how and when to use deadly force, would you consider my syllogistic example reasonable? I argue that even non-LE individuals who value their lives preferably should defend themselves. Do you agree, disagree, or otherwise?

Herein, I draw an important distinction between an absolutistic demand and a malleable preference. The former is an inflexible belief that causes unhealthy disturbance (e.g., sheer terror) while the latter is a flexible belief that causes healthy distress (e.g., cautious fear).

Imagine that when confronted in an H-E-B parking lot in 2010 (Action), I unhelpfully Believed, “I absolutely mustn’t be threatened in this way, so I absolutely must shoot this man!” This rigid prescription wouldn’t allow other options than to immediately use deadly force (Consequence).

Alternatively, when the man confronted me (Action), I helpfully Believed, “I preferably shouldn’t be threatened in this way, but because I’m being threatened, I preferably should defend myself.” This flexible description allowed for force escalation and de-escalation (Consequence).

Unfavorably, LE personnel who responded to the scene saw fit to apprehend me during the course of their investigation rather than considering my on-scene testimony as credible as the other man who initiated the criminal complaint. Nonetheless, I wasn’t arraigned on charges.

Irrespective of whether or not I used an inflexible or flexible belief, I was ready to get it on. Fortunately for me and the other individual in the H-E-B parking lot, there was no fucking around and finding out on the day in question. Thankfully, we both survived the ordeal.

Conclusion

Despite influence from my dad, when I was either five- or six-years-old, I was fond of both the military and LE. In early adulthood, I joined U.S. Marine Corps and served as an MP. During that time, I learned to reasonably and prudently escalate and de-escalate use of deadly force.

Later in life, when attending graduate school at which I learned about REBT, I was apprehended by LE personnel for allegedly threatening the life of another man with use of a handgun (.45 ACP). Though I wasn’t arraigned on charges, I experienced disappointing job repercussions.

Still, I’ve chosen to explore that unfortunate event herein – particularly as the matter relates to inflexible beliefs which cause unhealthy outcomes, as well as flexible beliefs which cause healthy consequences. Specifically, I consider it reasonable to value and defend one’s own life.

Adding a touch of hip hop-inspired context to this blogpost, I’ve illustrated how both Marvin Gaye and Juelz Santana influenced my framing of this matter, as it relates to self-defense. Specifically, use of a personal anecdote served as the medium by which I demonstrated this.

Ultimately, I advocate a nonviolent approach to life… unless one uses the reasonable person standard regarding self-defense, as I did in 2010. (This isn’t meant to serve as advice, a legal conclusion, or other prescription pertaining to you or anyone else. I’m only talking about me.)

In an ideal world, people wouldn’t threaten the lives of others, commit assault and battery, or murder one another. Nevertheless, we don’t live in an ideal world. Therefore, if someone credibly threatens my life at H-E-B, and I’m left with no ingress or egress, let’s get it on!

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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