Ordinary World

[DISCLAIMER]

Do you self-disturb with irrational beliefs about perfection? If so, this blogpost may be worth considering. For instance, regarding client X’s negotiated homework task, this individual agreed to watch The School of Life video “Good Enough is Good Enough” in which the narrator states:

In order to remain more or less sane, which is a pretty big ambition already; we have to learn not to hate ourselves for failing to be what no ordinary human being ever really is anyway. The concept of ‘good enough’ was invented as an escape from dangerous ideals […]

Yet, none of this should lead us to feel freakish or unlucky. […] It takes a good deal of bravery and skill to keep even a very ordinary life going […] We should, perhaps more often, step back in order to acknowledge in a non-starry-eyed—but very real way—that our lives are good enough and that is, in itself, already a very grand achievement.

Here, I’ll offer three points of clarity. First, whereas “ordinary” is defined as of a kind to be expected in the normal order of events, “extraordinary” is defined as going beyond what is usual, regular, or customary. “Normal” is simply conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern.

Second, in The School of Life video, the narrator uses a number of demandingness terms which are arguably flexible in essence. For example, suggesting “we have to learn not to hate ourselves” is a derivative of a recommendatory should statement.

Unlike an inflexible absolutistic should narrative, it’s as though the author flexibly recommends that we should learn not to hate ourselves. As well, he suggests that “none of this should lead us to feel freakish or unlucky.” This is an example of a preferential should narrative.

Unlike an inflexible conditional should statement, it’s as if the author flexibly prefers that none of what he suggests should result in unpleasant emotions or sensations. Last, I invite you to consider what I stated in a blogpost entitled Good Enough is Good Enough:

Rather than upsetting ourselves with absurd standards of attainment, we can instead acknowledge that while the experience of being in love may be thrilling, it isn’t a perpetual mental and emotional state in which we can exist. It’s a transient experience at best.

After all, and admittedly an anecdotal query, who do you personally know that has ever remained in love beyond a year or so? Perhaps the flexible standard of an ordinary life in which good enough is good enough would be more practical, albeit not as thrilling.

Aside from the matter of an intimate partner relationship, in which infatuation (i.e., being “in love”) inevitably fades, I encouraged client X to deliberate on an ordinary standard of life. After all, this is an achievable method of rational living.

While not miserable or extraordinary, life in an ordinary world regards a balanced existence. Similar to the tale of “Goldilocks and the Three Bears,” an ordinary life isn’t too cold or too hot, though just warm, soft, or contended enough to satisfy one’s flexible interests and goals.

When contemplating this matter, I’m reminded of an electronic dance music (EDM) track. In 2010, Gammer and Klubfiller released “Ordinary World” which was a remix to Duran Duran’s song “Ordinary World”. Lyrics from the original, which I recall from high school, include:

[Verse 1]

Came in from a rainy Thursday on the avenue

Thought I heard you talking softly

I turned on the lights, the TV, and the radio

Still, I can’t escape the ghost of you

[Pre-Chorus]

What has happened to it all?

Crazy, some’d say

Where is the life that I recognize?

(Gone away)

[Chorus]

But I won’t cry for yesterday, there’s an ordinary world

Somehow I have to find

And as I try to make my way to the ordinary world

I will learn to survive

Did you notice the flexible recommendatory should narrative (i.e., somehow I have to find)? The vocalist appears to advocate discovery of an “ordinary world” in which he doesn’t needlessly suffer the loss of a failed intimate partner relationship. Who among us can’t relate?

The same approach to a good enough standard of living applies to other elements of existence. For those who choose this attainable path, an ordinary world isn’t necessarily worthy of accolades. Besides, praise from others is generally attributed to extraordinary feats.

While there’s nothing inherently wrong or bad with seeking kudos of this sort, it isn’t uncommon for people to form rigid absolutistic or conditional demands in pursuit of perfectionism or praise. Again I ask if you self-disturb with irrational beliefs about perfection. Do you?

If so, are your personal interests and goals of a rigid variety well-served by such endeavors? “Yes,” you may respond, “Because I want to be at the top of my game and die knowing that people viewed me as someone who didn’t accept an ‘ordinary world’ standard of living.”

Very well. What trade-offs accompany your quest for perfection? You may lie to others or me about what it entails to achieve your goals of dominance in life, though have you considered not lying to yourself regarding this matter? Humanistically, I suspect you already know the answer.

When presenting client X with this form of dispute to illogical and unreasonable beliefs, the individual replied something like, “You’re right.” Flattery escapes me. I use an ordinary standard of living, so confirmation about my level of correctness isn’t something in which I’m interested.

Therefore, as a matter of challenging your potentially unhelpful attitude pertaining to perfectionism, glory, or however you choose to qualify your rejection of a good enough approach to living, I beseech you to be honest with yourself. Why not settle for an ordinary world?

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters. 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

References:

Dirty Donkers Radio. (2024, September 4). Gammer & Klubfiller – Ordinary World – Karlston Khaos Remix [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/sS_ziS9eA0w?si=2-0-9zJlrvDdiJV1

Duran Duran. (2017, July 27). Ordinary World [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/vm5iK_tNWAg?si=R0FlpBB96x_3M2ol

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