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Paradoxical Goal?

  • Writer: Deric Hollings
    Deric Hollings
  • Sep 25
  • 7 min read

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A paradox is a statement that is seemingly contradictory or opposed to common sense and yet is perhaps true. To use a simple example, consider the phrase “less is more” which suggests that a smaller amount of something can be more effective or valuable than more of something.

 

In terms of value, is two dollars more than five dollars? No. In terms of quantity, are two single dollar bills more than a single five dollar bill? Yes. Thus, this seemingly contradictory appeal to common sense requires context in order to better understand the meaning of a paradox.

 

For a more sophisticated example, one source states, “I know that I know nothing’ is a saying derived from Plato’s account of the Greek philosopher Socrates: “For I was conscious that I knew practically nothing…” To know “nothing” is to know something.

 

Therefore, knowing at least that one knows nothing creates a contradiction of common sense that requires context for better comprehension of the paradoxical meaning. In simple terms, this philosophical paradox acknowledges one’s own ignorance as a counterpoint to hubris.

 

Given understanding of paradoxes, I invite you to consider that when providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) there may appear to be a paradox as it relates to goals (the ends toward which effort is directed). Allow me to explain.

 

First, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as self-disturbance.

 

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

 

Second, REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

 

Whereas the ABC model is a scientific approach to wellness, UA serves as a philosophical method for un-disturbing yourself. I view the former as an abortive approach to disturbance and the latter as a preventative method. Of course, not all REBT practitioners use the same style as I.

 

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

 

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

 

Both the ABC model and UA regard the ultimate goal of un-disturbing oneself. Given understanding of how REBT works, I now invite you to consider that one REBT source states (page 108):

 

It might seem like a paradox, but half the goal of therapy is to change dysfunctional negative feelings and the other half is to accept oneself with these negative feelings. It is important to know which of the two goals you are working on at any time.

 

It’s worth noting that a feeling is either an emotion (i.e., joy, fear, etc.) or a sensation (e.g., a stiffened jaw). However, if the word “feeling” (or any derivative thereof) can be replaced with “hunch,” “thought,” or “belief” (or any derivative thereof), it’s not a feeling.

 

Thus, it may seem paradoxical that half the goal of REBT practice relates to changing unpleasant feelings (i.e., emotions and sensations) and the other half regards accepting oneself when these undesirable feelings occur. First, let’s examine these two goal halves as separate objectives.

 

Given your understanding of paradoxes and REBT, are these competing goals paradoxical? No. Bear in mind that on one hand, REBT practice seeks to change dysfunctional negative feelings. On the other hand, REBT practice aims to accept oneself – despite having negative feelings.

 

You can simultaneously experience negative emotions and sensations while practicing USA. “I’d prefer not to feel angry,” you may conclude, “though I’m a fallible human being who experiences the natural emotion of anger. Thus, I accept myself as one who becomes angry.”

 

Next, let’s consider that the two goal halves of a single objective. I reiterate that both the ABC model and UA regard the ultimate goal of un-disturbing oneself. Ergo, I maintain that the there’s no paradoxical goal when seeking to change negative emotions while accepting oneself.

 

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

 

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

 

 

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

 

References:

 

DiGiuseppe, R. A., Doyle, K. A., Dryden, W., and Backx, W. (2013). A practitioner’s guide to rational emotive behavior therapy (3rd ed.). Oxford University Press. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/a-practitioners-guide-to-rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-d174617836.html

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