Playing Games

[DISCLAIMER]

In 1998, while on leave from Okinawa, Japan when serving in the United States Marine Corps (USMC), I sat watching gameplay concerning boys of the family who accepted me into their household from the children’s home in which I previously lived.

At the time, I was self-disturbed by irrational beliefs about a former intimate partner who broke up with me as I underwent USMC Recruit Training in 1996. Per my distorted view, she was playing games with my affection (behaving in an unfair way in order to get what she wanted).

Here, Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence.

Noteworthy, from a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.

From an A-C outlook, when I watched boys playing video games (Action), only one child at a time could win a one-on-one match (Consequence). When playing games in that regard, there would be a winner and a loser.

Yet, from a B-C perspective, when my girlfriend broke up with me (Action) and I unhelpfully Believed, “Our relationship was worthless, and I can’t stand  how awful it is that she played games with me, because she shouldn’t have,” then I made myself sad (Consequence).

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Many years later, after I un-disturbed myself, I heard the electronic dance music (EDM) song “Playing Games” by Calippo, from the EP Astonia (2016). Apparently, it’s a remix of “Need to Know” by E.M.C.K., from the album University of Electronic Music, Vol. 7 (2016).

According to one source, the vocal sample from both tracks originates from Sheree Hicks. In any event, the soulful vocals describe an offshoot of my former self-disturbing belief regarding the breakup when I was in the USMC:

I need to know

If you wanna be with me

No time for playing games

Can’t you see it’s killing me?

I don’t think you’re ready

In this case, the phrase “I need to know” represents an absolutistic should, must, or ought belief associated with demandingness. Stated differently, it’s as though the singer states that she absolutely must know if the person of her romantic interest wants to be with her.

When stating that there’s “no time for playing games,” similar to my self-disturbed belief, she uses a form of awfulizing. Stated differently, it’s like saying that it’s terrible, horrible, or awful that the intimate partner of the vocalist’s desire is presumably wasting her time.

This is the unhelpful process of the mind placing matters into an A-C, rather than B-C, perspective. Bear in mind, there are winners and losers in gameplay. Perhaps the other intimate partner isn’t playing games. Of course, the unfavorable self-upsetting beliefs don’t stop there.

When asking “can’t you see it’s killing me?” the vocalist uses a form of low frustration tolerance. In essence, her mind has unaccommodatingly led her to believe that the loss of a relationship is similar to the loss of life – and she simply cannot tolerate or accept such an outcome.

This is the sort of unhelpful attitude that I used in 1998. Truly, I’d much rather watch children bickering over a console game than to play games within my mind which cause unpleasant consequences. How about you? Do you like playing games of the self-disturbing kind?

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters. 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

Apple Music. (n.d.). Astonia - EP. Apple Inc. Retrieved from https://music.apple.com/si/album/astonia-ep/1072057509

Apple Music. (n.d.). Calippo. Apple Inc. Retrieved from https://music.apple.com/us/artist/calippo/533743680

Apple Music. (n.d.). E.M.C.K. Apple Inc. Retrieved from https://music.apple.com/us/artist/e-m-c-k/1118386096

Apple Music. (n.d.). University of Electronic Music, Vol. 7. Apple Inc. Retrieved from https://music.apple.com/us/album/university-of-electronic-music-vol-7/1162705029

Future House Music. (2016, January 20). Calippo - Playing Games [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/2wZOxxLQvkk?si=ME7YU95gTmJ5OewW

Hollings, D. (2024, July 9). Absolutistic should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/absolutistic-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2024, November 15). Assumptions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/assumptions

Hollings, D. (2024, August 7). Awfulizing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/awfulizing

Hollings, D. (2024, October 27). Correlation does not imply causation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/correlation-does-not-imply-causation

Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness

Hollings, D. (2024, October 21). Desire. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/desire

Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer

Hollings, D. (2024, March 28). Distorted inferences. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/distorted-inferences

Hollings, D. (2024, May 17). Feeling better vs. getting better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/feeling-better-vs-getting-better-1

Hollings, D. (2025, March 5). Five major characteristics of four major irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/five-major-characteristics-of-four-major-irrational-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better

Hollings, D. (2023, September 13). Global evaluations. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/global-evaluations

Hollings, D. (2025, September 22). Hey you! You’re losing your mind! Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/hey-you-you-re-losing-your-mind

Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/

Hollings, D. (2024, January 2). Interests and goals. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/interests-and-goals

Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching

Hollings, D. (2022, December 2). Low frustration tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/low-frustration-tolerance

Hollings, D. (2024, September 27). My attitude. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/my-attitude

Hollings, D. (2025, August 2). My philosophy. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/my-philosophy

Hollings, D. (2025, September 8). Need to know. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/need-to-know

Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist

Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2024, July 18). REBT flexibility. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rebt-flexibility

Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous

Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2022, December 23). The A-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-a-c-connection

Hollings, D. (2022, December 25). The B-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-b-c-connection

Hollings, D. (2023, February 16). Tna. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/__tna

Hollings, D. (2025, February 28). To try is my goal. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-try-is-my-goal

Hollings, D. (2025, January 9). Traditional ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/traditional-abc-model

Housesession Records. (2016, June 17). E.M.C.K. - Need to Know (Official music video) [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/BA-XIgOV-n4?si=UGezQ37SFNF-qfeq

Red123qwer. (2017). [TOMT] [Song] “I need to know if you wanna be with me, no time for playing games, can’t you see it’s killing me”. Reddit. Retrieved from https://www.reddit.com/r/tipofmytongue/comments/6ex8d8/tomt_song_i_need_to_know_if_you_wanna_be_with_me/

Taxsource. (n.d.). Sheree Hicks. Retrieved from https://www.traxsource.com/artist/51922/sheree-hicks