All You Got to Do Is Let It Go

[DISCLAIMER]

When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.

An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.

Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.

While still serving as prescriptive rather than descriptive, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs won’t inevitably cause disturbance, as they may align with distress. Rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Noteworthy, natural forms of distress are tolerable (i.e., mild anxiousness, sorrow, frustration, annoyance, disappointment, etc.). Even though unnatural forms of disturbance are also tolerable (e.g., enragement), my approach to REBT seeks the outcome which is more likely to be endured.

Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. There are a number of flexible and inflexible terms related to demandingness which serve as derivatives to “should,” “must,” and “ought” types of self-disturbing philosophies regarding life.

For instance, “In order to understand what I’m saying, you have to pay attention,” “You better not allow your mind to wander,” “You need to listen,” and, “If you want to stop self-disturbing, then you gotta practice REBT.” Perhaps a real-world example may enrich your comprehension.

When recently listening to an electronic dance music (EDM) DJ set by Katie Etnies, I heard her spin the song “Yield (Colyn Remix)” (2024) by Golden Features and which contain the vocals of Rromarin. In typical EDM repetitive form, the hypnotizing lyrics state:

Let it go, all you got to do is let it

Promise, all you got to do is let it

Let it go, all you got to do is let it

Promise, all you got to do is let it

Let it go, all you got to do is let it

Promise, all you got to do is let it

Let it go, all you got to do is let it

Promise, all you got to do is let it (it, it, it)

Let it go, all you got to do is let it go

Promise, all you got to do is let it go

Let it go, all you got to do is let it go

Promise, all you got to do is let it go

Let it go, all you got to do is let it go

Promise, all you got to do is let it go

Let it go, all you got to do is let it go

Promise, all you got to do is let it go

The phrase “all you got to do is let it go” is a flexible demand that is synonymous with stating that “all you preferably should do is let it go” or “all you recommendatorily ought to do is let it go.” Favorably, this phrase doesn’t cause either self-distress or self-disturbance for the speaker.

For instance, if you told me that you were self-distressed (e.g., annoyance) by the repetitive lyrics of “Yield (Colyn Remix)”, I’d helpfully respond, “You preferably should let it go, because there are far more significant matters in life with which to concern yourself than EDM lyrics.”

You may then self-disturb (e.g., rage) with beliefs about how supposedly invalidating my response was. To that, I’d suggest, “Seriously, you recommendatorily ought to let it go, because becoming enraged over an EDM track and my response to you isn’t going to do you any good.”

Noteworthy, REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering in the manner of letting things go. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

Whereas the ABC model is a scientific approach to wellness, UA serves as a philosophical method for un-disturbing yourself. I view the former as an abortive approach to disturbance and the latter as a preventative method. Of course, not all REBT practitioners use the same style as I.

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

Reflecting upon the example of you becoming enraged when I supposedly invalidated your perspective, USA is a method for acknowledging that you’re a fallible human being who sometimes self-distresses and self-disturbs with beliefs about relatively meaningless things.

Similarly, UOA in this regard acknowledges that not everyone absolutistically or conditionally should, must, or ought to share your worldview. Besides, if you’re fallible and I’m also imperfect, it’s likely that we’ll inevitably have differences of opinion—especially about EDM.

Moreover, ULA is a technique for granting that in a flawed world perfectly aligned perspectives cannot possibly exist. Thus, there are far more significant matters in life with which to concern yourself, as becoming enraged over relatively meaningless matters isn’t doing you any good.

Ergo, all you got to do is let it go. I’m not self-distressed or self-disturbed when believing or speaking this phrase. How about you? If you choose to use healthy demandingness derivatives while practicing UA, might you be less annoyed and enraged? I think so. Thus, let that shit go!

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit (edited), fair use

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