Need to Know

[DISCLAIMER]

When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.

An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.

Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.

Although still serving as a form of prescription rather than description, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs doesn’t necessarily cause self-upset. Here, rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. There are a number of flexible and inflexible terms related to demandingness which serve as derivatives to “should,” “must,” and “ought” self-disturbing philosophies of life.

For instance, “In order to understand what I’m saying, you have to pay attention,” “You better not allow your mind to wander,” “You need to listen,” and, “If you want to stop self-disturbing, then you gotta practice REBT.” Perhaps a real-world example may enrich your comprehension.

On his 2018 album Mightier Than the Sword, legendary Houston lyricist K-Rino released the track “Need to Know”. For your review, the chorus states:

I’ma tell you what you need to know, not what you wanna hear

It’s on you if you deny the facts when they coming clear

Running from truth is a wasteful move

The hardest person that you’ll ever have to face is you

[x2]

Before proceeding further, it may be of use to define terms. To do this, I invite you to consider what I stated in a blogpost entitled Want vs. Need:

When discussing a “want,” I’m referring to a desire to possess or do something. By “desire,” I’m referencing what a person strongly wishes for.

Examples of a want relate to me expressing desires such as, “I hope that my flight arrives on time,” “I’d like to one day be financially secure,” or, “I wish for there to be nice weather this weekend.”

It’s worth noting that a want is different than a demand— an insistent and peremptory request, made as if by right and claiming as due or just. Per one source, “Demands can be conceptualized as rules of life that include inferences, evaluations, and/or philosophical beliefs with words related to ‘should,’ ‘ought,’ or ‘must.”

Examples of demanding statements would be if I required outcomes by expressing things such as, “My flight should arrive on time,” “I must one day be financially secure,” or, “There ought to be nice weather this weekend.”

The subtle difference between a want and a demand is that a desire for something suggests flexibility, whereas a command for such things infers inflexibility.

For instance, if I flexibly hope that my flight will arrive on time and it ultimately doesn’t, I may be disappointed. On the other hand, if I rigidly declare that my flight should arrive on time and it eventually doesn’t, I may end up distraught for having my unhelpful belief violated.

Now, when discussing a “need,” I’m referring to something that is required, because it is essential or a necessity. By “essential,” I’m referencing that which is absolutely necessary.

Herein, “necessity” refers to the fact of being required or indispensable, and “necessary” implies the basic requirements of life, such as food and warmth. As such, a need is that which is absolutely required to sustain life—the things a person literally cannot live without.

Given my framing of what constitutes a need, I again turn toward the chorus of “Need to Know”. When K-Rino states that “I’ma tell you what you need to know, not what you wanna hear,” is he expressing an absolute requirement to sustain human life (e.g., oxygen)? Of course not!

Therefore, we may then consider the lyricist’s statement as representing a form of demandingness. Now, do you consider K-Rino’s statement as representing a flexible or inflexible advisement? Basically, the lyricist is stating that he’ll tell you what you preferably should know.

As such, this is flexible use of demandingness. Even if K-Rino said, “Listen, before you take a shower while using a blow dryer, you absolutely must know that you may be electrocuted,” you could ignore his rigid statement. After all, you’re a self-determined and autonomous being.

Therefore, if you choose to ignore the Action-Consequence connection that accompanies showering while using a blow dryer, then that’s your choice. It’s a foolish decision, though yours to make nonetheless. Personally, I appreciate what el-Hajj Malik el-Shabazz said in one speech:

Whenever the negroes keep the Democrats in power, they’re keeping the Dixiecrats in power. Is this true? A vote for a Democrat is nothing but a vote for a Dixiecrat. I know you don’t like me saying that, but I...I’m not the kind of person who come[s] here to say what you like. I’m going to tell you the truth whether you like it or not.

During that 1964 speech, the man many know as Malcolm X advocated speaking truth, similar to what K-Rino expressed on “Need to Know”, though he did so flexibly. Now, I offer you the opportunity to consider your flexible or inflexible approach when using “need to” narratives.

Ultimately, you recommendatorily need to know that irrespective of whether or not you like what I’m saying, I’m not the kind of person who comes here to say what you like. I’m going to speak truth whether you like it or not. Furthermore, you can consider what I have to say, or not.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit (edited), fair use

References:

David, D. (2014, January). The empirical status of rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT) theory & practice. Albert Ellis Institute. Retrieved from https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/document?repid=rep1&type=pdf&doi=26813393d7370232253cf964c38a4a03d98b0b97

Discogs. (n.d.). K-Rino – Mightier Than the Sword. Retrieved from https://www.discogs.com/release/11893701-K-Rino-Mightier-Than-The-Sword

Hip Hop Wiki. (n.d.). K-Rino. Retrieved from https://hip-hop-music.fandom.com/wiki/K-Rino

Hollings, D. (2025, March 2). A demanded thing is a necessary one. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/a-demanded-thing-is-a-necessary-one

Hollings, D. (2024, July 9). Absolutistic should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/absolutistic-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2024, November 15). Assumptions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/assumptions

Hollings, D. (2024, August 7). Awfulizing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/awfulizing

Hollings, D. (2024, July 9). Conditional should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/conditional-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2024, October 27). Correlation does not imply causation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/correlation-does-not-imply-causation

Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness

Hollings, D. (2022, October 5). Description vs. prescription. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/description-vs-prescription

Hollings, D. (2024, October 21). Desire. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/desire

Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer

Hollings, D. (2025, March 12). Distress vs. disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/distress-vs-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2024, July 10). Empirical should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/empirical-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2025, September 7). Everybody’s gotta learn sometime. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/everybody-s-gotta-learn-sometime

Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use

Hollings, D. (2025, March 9). Factual and counterfactual beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/factual-and-counterfactual-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2024, May 17). Feeling better vs. getting better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/feeling-better-vs-getting-better-1

Hollings, D. (2025, March 5). Five major characteristics of four major irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/five-major-characteristics-of-four-major-irrational-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better

Hollings, D. (2023, September 13). Global evaluations. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/global-evaluations

Hollings, D. (2025, September 7). Have to. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/have-to

Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/

Hollings, D. (2024, July 10). Ideal should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/ideal-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2024, April 27). Ideal-world vs. real-world. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/ideal-world-vs-real-world

Hollings, D. (2025, May 23). Inference chain. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/inference-chain

Hollings, D. (2024, April 8). It’s on you. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/it-s-on-you

Hollings, D. (2024, July 10). Legal should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/legal-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching

Hollings, D. (2025, January 8). Life-downing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-downing

Hollings, D. (2022, December 2). Low frustration tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/low-frustration-tolerance

Hollings, D. (2024, July 10). Moral and ethical should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/moral-and-ethical-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2024, September 27). My attitude. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/my-attitude

Hollings, D. (2025, August 2). My philosophy. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/my-philosophy

Hollings, D. (2023, April 24). On truth. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-truth

Hollings, D. (2025, January 7). Other-downing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/other-downing

Hollings, D. (2024, July 10). Preferential should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/preferential-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2024, January 1). Psychoeducation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychoeducation

Hollings, D. (2023, September 15). Psychotherapeutic modalities. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapeutic-modalities

Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist

Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2024, July 18). REBT flexibility. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rebt-flexibility

Hollings, D. (2024, July 10). Recommendatory should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/recommendatory-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous

Hollings, D. (2024, May 26). Self-determination and autonomy. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-determination-and-autonomy

Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2025, January 6). Self-downing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-downing

Hollings, D. (2022, October 7). Should, must, and ought. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/should-must-and-ought

Hollings, D. (2022, December 23). The A-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-a-c-connection

Hollings, D. (2024, January 8). The baseball rule of life. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-baseball-rule-of-life

Hollings, D. (2023, February 16). Tna. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/__tna

Hollings, D. (2025, February 28). To try is my goal. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-try-is-my-goal

Hollings, D. (2025, April 18). Tolerable FADs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/tolerable-fads

Hollings, D. (2025, January 9). Traditional ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/traditional-abc-model

Hollings, D. (2024, September 25). Unrealistic philosophies. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unrealistic-philosophies

Hollings, D. (2023, May 3). Want vs. need. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/want-vs-need

Hollings, D. (2024, September 29). Well, well, well. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/well-well-well

Hollings, D. (2025, May 3). What matters is our choices. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/what-matters-is-our-choices

Hollings, D. (2024, April 17). Wishes, dreams, and goals. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/wishes-dreams-and-goals

Hollings, D. (2025, September 7). You better! Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/you-better

Kamali, S. (2021, April 5). Malcolm X: Why el-Hajj Malik el-Shabazz matters. The Revealer. Retrieved from https://therevealer.org/malcolm-x-why-el-hajj-malik-el-shabazz-matters/

Mneimne, M. (2013). Demandingness or “The rules of life: Perceived abilities and $0.02.” The Albert Ellis Institute. Retrieved from https://albertellis.org/2013/01/demandingness-or-the-rules-of-life-perceived-abilities-and-2-cents/

Npatou. (2017, June 7). Malcolm X’s legendary speech: “The ballot or the bullet” (annotations and subtitles) [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/8zLQLUpNGsc

Real K-Rino, The. (2018, July 3). Need to Know [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/wRGHJ3u1HTU?si=mKJDMGGT9j52cA59

Wayhomestudio. (n.d.). Photo of thoughtful dark skinned Afro American woman looks away and considers [Image]. Freepik. Retrieved from https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/photo-thoughtful-dark-skinned-afro-american-woman-looks-away-considers-something_13956288.htm#fromView=search&page=3&position=4&uuid=e8126b2d-4a78-40e4-943b-6304b26cbe20&query=need+to+know

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Dixiecrat. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dixiecrat

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Malcolm X. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malcolm_X