Some People Have More Advantages Than Others

[DISCLAIMER]

I attended my first graduate (“grad”) studies program, for counseling, from 2009 to 2011. I then experienced grad school for a second time, for social work, from 2012 to 2014. It was in the second program that I met student X. We shared some similarities and some differences.

For a shared similarity, we’d both attended the same university than the one regarding our social work studies. Concerning a difference, student X was said to come from an affluent white family, though my upbringing was in stark contrast to her experience.

My late mom was white and my dad is black. They divorced when I was three-years-old, as I thereafter resided with my mom in a state of poverty. After having endured repeated traumatic events while in her care (or lack thereof), I went to live with my dad for a couple years.

At that time, I further remained subject to multiple traumatic experiences. I was subsequently returned to my mom for a brief period of time until my custody was then transferred to a children’s home. I was taken in by a family, and once again returned to the children’s home.

Due to nature, nurture, and other circumstances, I was predisposed to violent tendencies. This fact is one of the main drivers of my decision to enter the professional field of mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”).

Metaphorically, I wanted to become my own mechanic so that I could address mental health issues on my own. Fortunately, higher education concerning the practice of counseling allowed me to achieve this goal. Thus, by the time I met student X I was working on my own vehicle.

We partnered on group projects, I visited her home while working on school assignments, and we sat next to one another in our cohort class which lasted up to three hours. Also, student X and I laughed at the behavior exhibited by many of our radical feminist academic peers.

For example, we mocked the phrase “check your privilege” which is reportedly “used to urge someone to examine their own speech and actions for bias or presumption due to social privilege and to curb or check any such bias or presumption.” Here, a couple of definitions may be useful.

Privilege is defined as a right, exemption, or immunity granted as a particular benefit, advantage, or favor, or a right or benefit given to some people but not others. In example, white and white-appearing people were criticized in the social work program for having privilege due to race.

Advantage is defined as superiority of position or condition, or a factor or circumstance of benefit to its possessor. For instance, white people are believed to retain an advantage over nonwhite people within the United States, due to historic and systemic oppression.

Thus, privilege regards unearned and systemic benefits (e.g., race), whereas advantage is a broader term for any favorable circumstance that may be earned (e.g., hard work leading to a promotion). Arguably student X and I shared some degree of both concepts.

While privilege is believed to be invisible to the recipient, it’s said to function as a form of head start or immunity from particular obstacles (e.g., being let off with a warning during a traffic stop), while advantage is simply an edge (e.g., receiving more attention due to physical fitness).

Because the phrase “check your privilege” was often used by my social work peers as a shaming mechanism and form of gatekeeping, I prefer not to advocate its use. To my understanding, student X maintained a similar worldview. Now, I’m reminded of her as I read a book.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

Debatably, most people have some amount of privilege or advantage when compared or contrasted to or with other individuals. For instance, although I was raised in a challenging environment while student X wasn’t, we both retained the advantage of attending grad school.

Nevertheless, my upbringing in relation to both parents (nature) who exhibited violent behavior (nurture), and given a lack of adequate gut microbiome care (other), I was more disadvantaged than was student X. Regarding this view, Gaius Musonius Rufus stated (page 231):

Some people are sharp and others dull; some are raised in a better environment, others in worse, the latter, having inferior habits and nurture, will require more by way of proof and careful instruction to master these teachings and to be formed by them—in the same way that bodies in a bad state must be given a great deal of care when perfect health is sought.

We live in an imperfect world, as there is no such thing as “perfect health.” This minor quibble aside, I stress the importance of rigorously tending to one’s own mental health—especially for those of us with tendencies toward violence, because of nature, nurture, and other elements.

As an example, during my social work grad school experience, student X and I wound up in non-friendly circumstances after members of our cohort endured a social rift. Ultimately, student X was said to have reported that she didn’t “feel safe” in class with me anymore.

Although I maintain that there’s no such experience as “feeling” safe, because feelings are either emotions (e.g., fear) or sensations (e.g., tingling extremities), it’s more likely that my social work peers and staff believed in the imagined threat to safety student X apparently claimed.

Ergo, if she irrationally believed that she wasn’t psychologically safe—as there was no credible evidence to support a claim of threat to her physical safety—then student X’s safety allegation was enough to warrant my removal from our cohort class.

For one hour, I was allowed to attend the social work practice class that we shared in common. Then, when it came time to transition to the three-hour cohort field instruction class, I was required to exit the classroom. As well, student X and I shared a separate classroom (as below):

If I or my behavior constituted a valid threat to student X’s safety, then I wouldn’t have been allowed to attend any classes with her. However, unfavorably, student X ostensibly used information I shared with her about my upbringing to substantiate her invalid claim. Too bad!

Fortunately, I began practicing REBT during my counseling grad program. Therefore, I self-disturbed far less than I was self-distressed during my social work grad program. From this view, my metaphorical mechanic skills paid off!

Regarding the privileges and advantages student X and I had once ridiculed, she presumably wielded the content of our mockery to her advantage. Specifically, a woman’s claim of safety against a man was taken as credible, as some people have more advantages than others.

When viewing this matter through the proverbial lens of Stoicism, I acknowledge how little control and influence I had regarding my social work grad school experience. The same is true concerning the nature, nurture, and other circumstances regarding my upbringing.

Therefore, it’s incumbent upon me to take control of the one aspect over which I had and have any ability to change: my reaction to undesirable events. That’s precisely what I did! Just because I’m predisposed toward violent tendencies doesn’t mean that I have to act upon impulse.

If for nothing else, REBT has significantly improved my level of functioning and quality of life when maintaining this perspective. Now, I offer this healthy psychoeducational lesson to you. Even if you were raised under undesirable circumstances, you can impact how you currently live.

Some people have more advantages than others. Oh well! What are you going to do about matters over which you have so little control or influence? Better yet, what will you do with the one element over which you do have control (i.e., your reaction)?

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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