The Cost and Expense of Doing Good

[DISCLAIMER]

My primary billet when serving in the United States Marine Corps (USMC; 1996-2007) was military police (MP). Although the “protect and serve” motto adopted by many law enforcement entities isn’t legally or constitutionally binding, MPs were taught to uphold this standard.

The slogan meshed well with a conservative principle up with which I was raised in regard to “providing and protecting” members of one’s own family, community, and so forth. However, it didn’t take long to discover that clichés are a separate matter than practical application.

For example, when serving in Okinawa, Japan, I was verbally reprimanded by fellow MPs for “working too hard” when issuing traffic citations. “You’re making the rest of us look bad,” I was told. All the while, in my mind, I thought I was doing the morally and ethically good thing.

A “moral” is a person’s standard of behavior or belief concerning what is and isn’t acceptable for the individual and other people. Morals thus relate to what’s considered good, bad, right, wrong, or otherwise acceptable or unacceptable.

An “ethic” is a set of moral principles, especially those relating to or affirming a specified group, field, or form of conduct. Whereas morals relate to what is thought of as pleasing or displeasing behaviors and beliefs, ethics – based on morals – are the social rules by which we pledge to live.

For context, a principle is a comprehensive and fundamental law, doctrine, or assumption that serves as a rule or code of conduct with habitual devotion to this subjective morally and ethically right standard. Thus, principles are a form of values (something intrinsically desirable).

My secondary billet when serving in the USMC was as a Marine Security Guard (MSG). Aside from receiving verbal reprimands from other MSGs regarding my refusal to consume alcohol and engage the services of sex workers, I also ultimately received administrative punishment.

Specifically, when serving in Lima, Peru, a female MSG confided in me about the matter of sexual harassment from our superior staff noncommissioned officer in charge. Using my skills as an MP (protecting and serving), I drafted paperwork requesting a formal inquiry into the matter.

I thought I was doing good. Doing “well” refers to achieving personal success, prosperity, and so on, as a means of benefiting oneself. Alternatively, doing “good” means performing charitable, moral, ethical, or other actions which benefit other people or society as a whole, as I did in Lima.

The distinction between these terms rests in the focus of the outcome: self-advancement versus altruistic impact. Nonetheless, what I reasoned as having done the “good” thing came at a cost (the amount or equivalent paid or charged for something: price).

Similarly, regarding my deeds, there was an expense (involving high cost or sacrifice, especially one that is not based on intrinsic worth or is beyond a prospective buyer’s means: burden). My personal finances were impacted (cost) and I was removed from Lima (expense).

Apparently, members of the MSG command would rather have extracted me from my diplomatic service role than to have adequately addressed the wrongdoing I reported. Ultimately, I was sent to a duty station in San Diego, California to continue my obligations as an MP.

While there, I met a female Marine with whom I formed an intimate partner relationship. She was physically separated from her husband, though still married, as irreconcilable differences which didn’t relate to me led to her having filed for divorce.

Additionally, there were allegations of intimate partner violence (i.e., physical battery) which the woman told me our Marine command ostensibly neglected to investigate. Providing and protecting, protecting and serving, I provided harbor for her at my off-base apartment.

That decision was compounded by a year of investigations, apprehensions, brig detentions, and my ultimate unfavorable discharge from the USMC. Ergo, there was a cost and expense of doing good—even under questionable circumstances regarding my romantic relationship.

Not long thereafter, the female for whom I was kicked out of the Corps was introduced to my loss prevention (LP) colleague at a major retailer. I assisted him with weapons training, as he had plans for joining the San Diego Police Department (SDPD).

Having served on two tactical teams, I helped train the LP who had aspirations for eventual induction to a special weapons and tactics (SWAT) team. When I did a good thing by helping him, he earned “top shot” at the SDPD academy and later made the SWAT team.

Thereafter, I was told by his girlfriend that my buddy was intimately involved with the woman for whom I was kicked out of the Corps after helping her. The cost for the dissolution of our relationship was in the many thousands of dollars, and the expense was a rupture in familial ties.

All these matters occurred before I knew much about personal or professional care for mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”). Thus, I unhelpfully developed an attitude that was self-disturbing in function, something along the lines of what one source states:

In conclusion, in the 12th century a malevolent figure was described as follows: he “left no good deed unpunished, no bad one unrewarded”. In 1927 Marie Belloc Lowndes wrote the saying “kindness brings its own punishment”. In 1938 Leo Pavia received credit for the expression “Every good deed brings its own punishment”, and in 1942 Walter Winchell credited unnamed diplomats with “No good deed goes unpunished in Washington”.

The cost and expense of doing good, I figured, was too high. Protecting and serving, providing and protecting… that was no longer for me! Favorably, I’ve refined that “no good deed goes unpunished” outlook since then. Now, I’m reminded of these events when reading a book.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

The authors quote ancient Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius who stated, “Often injustice lies in what you aren’t doing, not only in what you are doing” (page 229). In Stoic regard, “justice” is defined as the principle or ideal of fair treatment or right action.

Consequently, “injustice” is defined as the absence of justice: violation of right or of the rights of another. Perhaps unintentionally demonstrating an act of injustice, authors of The Daily Stoic evoke a legal case and corresponding psychological concept when stating (page 229):

History abounds with evidence that humanity is capable of doing evil, not only actively but passively. In some of our most shameful moments—from slavery to the Holocaust to segregation to the murder of Kitty Genovese—guilt wasn’t limited to perpetrators but to ordinary citizens who, for a multitude of reasons, declined to get involved. It’s that old line: all evil needs to prevail is for good men to do nothing. It’s not enough to just not do evil. You must also be a force for good in the world, as best you can.

One wonders whether or not it’s an “evil” act from supposedly “good men” to have forgone due diligence regarding truth about reality when evoking the case of Kitty Genovese. For clarity, one source states:

Kitty Genovese, a 28-year-old bartender, was raped and stabbed to death on March 13, 1964 outside the apartment building where she lived in the Kew Gardens neighborhood of the Queens borough of New York City, United States [U.S.]. Two weeks after the murder, The New York Times published an article claiming that thirty-seven witnesses saw or heard the attack, and that none of them called the police or came to her aid.

However, subsequent investigations revealed that the extent of public apathy was exaggerated. While some neighbors heard her cries, many did not realize the severity of the situation. The incident prompted inquiries into what became known as the bystander effect, or “Genovese syndrome,” and the murder became present in U.S. psychology textbooks for the next four decades.

Researchers have since uncovered major inaccuracies in the Times article, and police interviews revealed that some witnesses had attempted to contact authorities. In 1964, reporters at a competing news organization discovered that the Times article was inconsistent with the facts, but they were unwilling at the time to challenge Times editor Abe Rosenthal.

In 2007, an article in the American Psychologist found “no evidence for the presence of 38 witnesses, or that witnesses observed the murder, or that witnesses remained inactive”. In 2016, the Times called its own reporting “flawed”, stating that the original story “grossly exaggerated the number of witnesses and what they had perceived”.

The erroneous details of the Genovese case which led to the “bystander effect” are what authors of The Daily Stoic rely upon in order to draw a distinction between good and evil? To me, that seems a bit irresponsible. What’s the cost and expense of doing wrong in this case?

In any event, I don’t waste time regarding fallible human beings as “evil” or “good.” I’ll leave that unsophisticated behavior to authors of The Daily Stoic. Alternatively, from an REBT perspective, I recognize that people aren’t their behavior.

Was I an evil man for “working too hard” and apparently making other MPs in Okinawa “look bad”? No. Was I evil for having reported sexual harassment, thus dividing an MSG detachment in Lima? No. Am I an evil person for having been involved with a married woman? No.

Was she evil for having then cheated on me with my LP buddy? No. Was he evil for having played a role in that unfaithful event? No. Are authors of The Daily Stoic evil for apparently getting their facts wrong concerning the Genovese case? No.

Personally and professionally, regarding my approach to mental health care, there are no “evil” people. There are merely fallible human beings who are capable of doing good, bad, and otherwise. In the end, the cost and expense of such behavior varies.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

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