The Shipwreck Doesn't Wreck You

[DISCLAIMER]

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

Stoic philosopher Seneca stated, “I was shipwrecked before I even boarded . . . the journey showed me this—how much of what we have is unnecessary, and how easily we can decide to rid ourselves of these things whenever it’s necessary, never suffering the loss” (page 261).

Have you ever experienced loss of a material item and then self-distressed (e.g., became frustrated) or self-disturbed (e.g., became enraged) by use of irrational beliefs, as though possessions are what made you rich? I have, and I’m glad there are no more days like those!

Fallible human beings tend to place sentimental value on things which represent other things, as though loss of one item would somehow wreck (disable or ruin) the thing that item represents. Perhaps I can provide an anecdote for improved understanding, rather than using abstraction.   

When I was in junior high school, just before leaving Aurora, Colorado for a return to Amarillo, Texas, my dad gave me his black hoodie. I assigned sentimental value to the article of clothing, as though the garment was my dad — not merely representing him.

Unfortunately, someone on a bus that I rode to school stole the hoodie which was bestowed me. Because of my unhelpful beliefs (e.g., life is worthless without the hoodie, and I can’t stand not having the thing that represents my dad, because this experience is awful), I was wrecked!

By this, I hyperbolically mean that I withdrew from others, sulked for a week, endured sorrow, and entered my black clothing phase—during which I wore black every day for months on end. (I was a peculiar child, okay?) Thus, my beliefs caused the consequences that wrecked me.

Metaphorically, it was as though I experienced a shipwreck (the destruction or loss of a ship). To better comprehend what I mean, though through use of a literal shipwreck anecdote, I invite you to consider that authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 261):

Zeno, widely considered to be the founder of the school of Stoicism, was a merchant before he was a philosopher. On a voyage between Phoenicia and Peiraeus, his ship sank along with its cargo. Zeno ended up in Athens, and while visiting a bookstore he was introduced to the philosophy of Socrates and, later, an Athenian philosopher named Crates.

These influences drastically changed the course of his life, leading him to develop the thinking and principles that we now know as Stoicism. According to the ancient biographer Diogenes Laertius, Zeno joked, “Now that I’ve suffered shipwreck, I’m on a good journey,” or according to another account, “You’ve done well, Fortune, driving me thus to philosophy,” he reportedly said.

I didn’t maintain the wisdom of Zeno when in junior high school. If I could travel back in time, with unlimited opportunity to do so, I’d likely visit my younger self and helpfully express, “The shipwreck doesn’t wreck you.” Of this view, authors of The Daily Stoic conclude (page 261):

The Stoics weren’t being hypothetical when they said we ought to act with a reverse clause and that even the most unfortunate events can turn out to be for the best. The entire philosophy is founded on that idea!

The things we possess in life, to include those items which represent other elements of our existence, may come and go. During the undesirable moments when your metaphorical shipwreck occurs, as you lose the things you covet, what will you do? How will you react?

Are you prepared to self-disturb to the point whereby you withdraw from others, sulk for a week, endure sorrow, and enter a black clothing phase—during which you’ll wear black every day for months on end? Or, will you productively realize that the shipwreck doesn’t wreck you?

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, Designed by Freepik, fair use

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