The Thrill of Victory and the Agony of Defeat: Veneration of the Dead

[DISCLAIMER]

I’m a fan of Wu-Tang Clan, a hip hop collective consisting of lyricist RZA, lyricist GZA, lyricist Method Man, lyricist Raekwon, lyricist Ghostface Killah, lyricist Inspectah Deck, rapper U-God, rapper Masta Killa, and, until his death in 2004, rapper Ol’ Dirty Bastard.

Therefore, when enlisted in the United States (U.S.) Marine Corps, serving in Okinawa, Japan (1997-1999), I purchased the group’s second studio album Wu-Tang Forever (1997). It contained the track “Triumph” which also featured associate (and future member) lyricist Cappadonna.

That song was the first time I heard the phrase “the thrill of victory [and] the agony of defeat,” as it originated from the late TV sport journalist Jim McKay. For clarity, a thrill is the experience relating to a surge of excitement and pleasure.

Also, victory regards the overcoming of an enemy or antagonist, or achievement of mastery or success in a struggle or endeavor against odds or difficulties. Further, agony is an intense pain of mind or body. As well, defeat is the loss of a contest, or frustration by prevention of success.

U-God’s citation of McKay’s line is something about which I now think on Memorial Day (a federal holiday for commemorating the military personnel who died while serving in the U.S. Armed Forces). In particular, I contemplate this matter as I read a book.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

Stoic philosopher Seneca stated, “It’s in keeping with Nature to show our friends affection and to celebrate their advancement, as if it were our very own. For if we don’t do this, virtue, which is strengthened only by exercising our perceptions, will no longer endure in us” (page 305).

Of this view, I stated in Fog of War: Are Your Family’s Affairs in Order? “I served with a fellow Marine Security Guard in Rio de Janeiro, Brasil who upon discharging from the Corps joined the U.S. Army Reserve. He made it through his entire Marine Corps enlistment relatively unscathed, only to be killed when a weapons cache exploded in Afghanistan while serving in the reserves.”

Perhaps as a conditioned response, when people hear that I’ve known a fellow Marine who died in combat, they express things such as, “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear it!” Why? I’m not! For context, I stated in I Am Not Afraid “I wasn’t particularly fond of the decedent, as he used to bully me.”

Seneca advocated the celebration of advancement regarding friends. Supposedly, such moralistic advisement is in protection of virtue. What, then, of the theoretical virtue regarding military brothers in arms whose actions weren’t worthy of praise, and who advanced nonetheless?

What of the Marine in Rio de Janeiro who continually attempted to sabotage my success by issuing administrative documentation that was detrimental to my career? What of the now deceased individual who repeatedly spread rumors about me to consulate employees?

What praise is due to the Marine who rarely missed a chance to defame my character when high ranking members of our command visited Brasil? Before the married visiting members of our Battalion made their way to where sex work was prominent, they were told lies about me.

Is it virtuous to engage in veneration of the dead (the practice of honoring deceased individuals) when there was little detectable honor during these individuals’ lives? This is a matter of subjective consideration, which is why I’m posing these questions from a personal viewpoint.

As an example, the Marine in question played an integral role in my early transfer from Rio de Janeiro to Lima, Peru. I had more months remaining at my station assignment, which served as a comfort to my Brasilian girlfriend. We thought that we had time to enjoy our remaining months.

However, my brother in arms pulled some strings with our command and had me sent to Lima, where I would receive hostile fire/imminent danger pay while assigned to the new station. One doesn’t know if the instigating Marine hopefully anticipated my death regarding the transfer.

Nevertheless, I recall hearing my girlfriend hysterically crying on the telephone when I called her from Lima. She informed me that the Marine in question apparently visited her place of employment, told her I would soon be dead, and asked her out on a date! Is that honorable?

One presumes that the thrill of victory for the Marine having succeeded with orchestrating my early transfer imaginatively could’ve led to the agony of defeat on my end. However, though he may’ve won the proverbial battle, the decedent wasn’t victorious in the figurative war.

For many years, I self-disturbed with irrational beliefs about that particular Marine who stood out from an ensemble of questionable Marine Security Guards. In that respect, he rightfully earned the thrill of victory for having won the proverbial battle. 

Yet, I overcame the self-imposed agony of defeat, having achieved victory in the figurative war, through REBT which uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

Concerning my circle of control and USA, I eventually acknowledged that I could control only my reaction to having been treated poorly by another Marine. Regarding my circle of influence and UOA, I finally admitted that my brother in arms was merely a fallible human being.

Pertaining to my circle of concern and ULA, I ultimately concluded that the past is inalterable. As for the area of no concern, relating to whether or not the decedent is able to observe me from beyond the grave, I don’t spend much of what little time I have in life considering such matters.

In the end, UA allowed me the thrill of victory, no longer experiencing the agony of defeat in relation to unpleasant outcomes caused by my unhelpful beliefs. Not to be misunderstood herein, I still don’t venerate the dead.

Even though I’m currently agnostic, I appreciate my religious upbringing. Specifically, Ecclesiastes 9:5 states, “For the living know that they shall die: but the dead know not any thing, neither have they any more a reward; for the memory of them is forgotten.”

The Marine who bullied me in Rio de Janeiro is merely as dead as dead can be. That’s all. Ergo, on this day—Memorial Day—I remain indifferent in regard to his passing. His death is neither thrilling nor agonizing to me. It simply is what it is.

For those who rightfully note that I’ll sometimes highlight the deaths of specific individuals and say something along the lines of “rest easy,” I’m mainly speaking to myself when doing so. Although, regarding the area of no concern, it may be possible that the dead can hear me.

In that case, rest easy, rapper Rob Base—who recently died. You were a real one! Gone, but not forgotten. One.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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