Trying to Grab Hold of What You Can’t Control
A psychoeducational lesson on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) came to mind when listening to the track “Grab Hold” by the Perceptionists (lyricists Mr. Lif and Akrobatik, and DJ Fakts One), produced by 8-Bza, and from the album Resolution (2017). The chorus states:
Trying to grab hold of what you can’t control [x2]
(There’s no end, when you’re…)
Trying to grab hold of what you can’t control
(You can’t win, when you’re…)
Trying to grab hold of what you can’t control [x3]
There’s no end…
For context, to grab hold regards quickly taking and holding (someone or something) with the hand or arms. Proverbially speaking, people may also try to mentally grab hold of matters in this lifetime. As an example, you may try to grab hold of the concept addressed within this blogpost.
Now, the American Psychological Association defines control as “authority, power, or influence over events, behaviors, situations, or people.” For instance, if “trying to grab hold of what you can’t control,” you may be unhelpfully distressing or disturbing yourself with unrealistic beliefs.
Regarding this matter, REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).
With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).
The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.
Concerning your circle of control and USA, you can acknowledge that you control your reaction to unwelcome events. However, you can’t grab hold of what you can’t control (i.e., most matters in your lifetime). Trying to grab hold of what you can’t control is ill-advised.
Pertaining to your circle of influence and UOA, you can recognize that while you may be able to influence some matters in life (e.g., convincing someone to read a poorly written blogpost), you aren’t in control of other people. Trying to grab hold of what you can’t control is unhelpful.
Regarding your circle of concern and ULA, you can admit that you have no control over the weather, the past, natural disasters, war, and so on. Although you may be concerned, you have no control over such matters. Trying to grab hold of what you can’t control is unproductive.
As for your area of no concern, an imaginary realm in which you actually control everything (i.e., you’re a deity), that’s not the dimension in which you live. If you can’t even control most things in life, you can abandon this area. Trying to grab hold of what you can’t control is silly.
Given this relatively short lesson on UA, how may you apply the teaching to your life? Will you unhelpfully try to grab hold of what you can’t control anyway? If so, then I invite you to consider that the Perceptionists admitted that “there’s no end” to such an unfavorable path.
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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Apple Music. (n.d.). 8-Bza. Apple Inc. Retrieved from https://music.apple.com/us/artist/8-bza/431734584
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