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Agree to Disagree

  • Writer: Deric Hollings
    Deric Hollings
  • May 25
  • 6 min read

 

Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption and not the occurrence itself that causes an unpleasant Consequence.

 

These unpleasant outcomes include cognitive, emotive, sensational, and behavioral reactions. Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs.

 

For context, in order for a belief to be considered rational it empirically must remain in accord with both logic and reason. As logic is the interrelation or sequence of facts or events when seen as inevitable or predictable, reason is a statement offered in explanation or justification of logic.

 

Also, a thought is merely an individual act or product of thinking (e.g., one thinks that toothpaste brand X is better than brand Y). Alternatively, a belief is something that is accepted, considered to be true, or held as an opinion (e.g., one believes that there is a higher power in life).

 

Although people maintain all sorts of wacky beliefs, there are generally four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to self-disturb: global evaluation, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. The ABC model targets these types of beliefs.

 

Additionally, REBT uses the technique of unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance, unconditional other-acceptance, and unconditional life-acceptance.

 

When providing clients with psychoeducational lessons on REBT, I advocate understanding of, belief in, and frequent practice of the ABC model and UA. Yet, I don’t seek to challenge all assumptions an individual maintains. As an example, consider the following syllogistic belief:

 

Form (modus ponens) –

If p, then q; p; therefore, q.

 

Example –

If science cannot explain all the marvels of the world, then there must exist a higher power that created everything. Science cannot explain all the marvels of the world. Therefore, there must exist a higher power that created everything.

 

If I have a client who maintains this logical though arguably unreasonable belief, rendering it irrational in association with an unfalsifiable claim, is the unfounded belief worthy of disputing in a session? I maintain that it isn’t, unless the client is self-disturbed by the unreasonable belief.

 

In fact, regarding the majority of my current caseload, most clients identify as spiritual, religious or agnostic (a person who holds the view that any ultimate reality, such as God, is unknown and probably unknowable). Only a client or two of mine identifies as atheist (nonbeliever of deities).

 

Therefore, when unsubstantiated beliefs which cause no self-disturbance are encountered in sessions, I simply agree to disagree on such propositions. Regarding this perspective, I’m reminded of an electronic dance music (EDM) song.

 

In 2012, Dart Rayne, Yura Moonlight, and Gemma Pavlovic released the track “Agree to Disagree”. Lyrics are as follows:

 

Playing games is never easy

Breaking hearts is never right

Yet, here we are again in this lonely place

As we argue points of logic to the start

 

So, we can agree to disagree

Stop this foolish game and let it go

Just let it go

Yes, we can agree to disagree

Stop this play, this told you so

Let it go

[2x]

 

“Agree to Disagree” alludes to the ABC model through reference of “logic.” Simultaneously, UA is indicated with advocacy of a “let it go” standard when people simply disagree on matters of belief. I consider this a helpful approach to rational living. How about you?

 

Sometimes, especially in the interest of un-disturbing oneself, one can simply let go of the differences maintained between competing belief structures. As such, agreeing to disagree is a matter of tolerance and acceptance. What do you think about this rational perspective?

 

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

 

As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters. 

 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

 

 

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW


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References:

Apple Music. (n.d.). Dart Rayne. Apple, Inc. Retrieved from https://music.apple.com/us/artist/dart-rayne/328036703

Apple Music. (n.d.). Gemma Pavlovic. Apple, Inc. Retrieved from https://music.apple.com/us/artist/gemma-pavlovic/505112501

Apple Music. (n.d.). Yura Moonlight. Apple, Inc. Retrieved from https://music.apple.com/us/artist/yura-moonlight/380579911

Hollings, D. (2024, November 15). Assumptions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/assumptions

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UpliftingTrance. (2012, November 1). Dart Rayne & Yura Moonlight feat Gemma Pavlovic Agree to Disagree original mix [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/FiEaKDQ1DJ4?si=AqtKd_dMGYlmnihQ

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