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Don't Go Outside

  • Writer: Deric Hollings
    Deric Hollings
  • Oct 14
  • 8 min read

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Halfway through my fifth grade year, my mom sent me from Amarillo, Texas, where I lived with her, to live with my dad in Aurora, Colorado. I was an overweight, white-appearing, biracial (white and black) child with a thick Texas accent, and who didn’t know any other kids at school.

 

When enrolled in Crawford Elementary School (pictured above), I was introduced to Crips who lived in the local neighborhood. This introduction was by way of assault and battery which was referred to as being bum-rushed, rat-packed, or getting jumped. (It wasn’t pleasant!)

 

In common parlance, I was mercilessly beaten by three to five individuals at a time. This isn’t the same event as being quoted (gaining entrance or status within a gang, usually by way of physical violence). I was beaten without a purpose, beyond mere bullying.

 

Sometimes, this occurred during lunchtime recess. Mostly, it happened after school let out for the day. On one random afternoon, another child who was rationally-compassionate regarding my situation cautioned me, “Don’t go outside, because they’re [Crips] waiting for you.”

 

I was placing items in my backpack, preparing to leave school at the time. Presuming the educator to whose class I was assigned would be sympathetic and allow me to remain in her classroom longer than usual, I informed the teacher of the warning I’d received.

 

“I don’t know what to tell you, other than we all have to face our fears sometime. You need to go outside.” (The 80s were wild!) I went outside to the intersection in the photo above and discovered four boys waiting for me. They then promptly showed me how gravity worked.

 

I was beaten to the group and stomped. When thinking about that undesirable event, I’m reminded of rapper Lil B’s song “Don’t Go Outside” from his mixtape Hoop Life (2014). In particular, he states in the second verse:

 

I’m just trying to eat, bruh, can you put me on?

It’s not my fault a nigga dealt shady cards

I hit my licks and, bitch, I took a charge

I’m so filthy rich, boy, I swear to God

If you come from the hood, you know my problem

I step straight outside, them niggas started choppin’

E’rybody in the club just started howling

When he gave me that look, I know he got problems

I never start shit, I’m the one to end it

I told them niggas it’s Thanksgiving

Man, fuck them niggas, like it’s Thanksgiving

I ride through that city with the chopper spinning

In the suburbs, nigga, with the guns and dope

This is not just a black thing no mo’

I pimp myself, nigga, like a pimp, a ho

Man, tell me shit hot, man, you need to go

 

“Okay, Deric,” you may say, “how in the world does that song, in any way, relate to a fifth grader being assaulted and battered?” I’m glad you’ve asked. In order to provide a sufficient answer, I’ll use the ABC model of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT).

 

REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as the process of self-disturbance.

 

After being jumped by Crips in fifth grade (Action), I used to fantasize of revenge by Believing, “Those worthless gangbangers shouldn’t have jumped me, and it’s terrible that they did, because I can’t stand it, so I ought to retaliate,” as I was self-disturbed into anger (Consequence).

 

Noteworthy, my dad forbade me from committing any form of violence. This included self-defense. Aware of how I was treated at school, he simply replied, “Turn the other cheek, son, as Jesus commanded.” That unhelpful narrative aided in the bullying committed by others.

 

Per my interpretation of “Don’t Go Outside”, Lil B ostensibly angered himself with unaccommodating self-narratives. That’s precisely what I did after being rat-packed on a number of occasions. Jesus wasn’t going to save me from Crips, so I devised a method of saving myself.

 

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

 

Favorably, my dad withdrew his unhelpful rule about me taking a non-aggression stance and allowed me to square up with the Crips who often bum-rushed me. It was then that I developed high frustration tolerance and resilience when realizing that I could tolerate undesirable events.

 

To my surprise, transitioning from anger to confidence led to the Crips respecting me. By the time I arrived to West Middle school in sixth grade, I’d lost weight, altered my accent, knew more children than the year before, and the Crips knew that I was biracial. We became friends!

 

The takeaway from this personal anecdote is that even if one knows nothing about REBT, as was the case for me in childhood, other elements of one’s life may be adapted to improve one’s own level of functioning and quality of life. Thus, I advocate daily self-care.

 

Here, I’m not promoting self-soothing (i.e., virtually effortless activities which provide joyful and pleasurable outcomes). Self-care involves some degree of chosen suffering (e.g., intense sessions of physical fitness). This is how one attains tolerance and acceptance. Think about it.

 

If I’d have gone home after school and sucked my thumb while watching cartoons, that would’ve helped me to have felt better. However, beginning a physical exercise routine, changing how I spoke, and practicing fighting moves helped me to actually get better.

 

Am I advocating fighting? No. In this case, I’m promoting self-defense. Being prepared to self-rescue served me far more than falling into a narrative of victimhood. All of this was done in complete ignorance of REBT techniques.

 

Now, add to one’s ability to tolerate hard situations (e.g., being shown how gravity works when being pummeled by gang members) the tools offered by REBT. When taking this approach to rational living, it doesn’t matter whether one is in- or outside. One can face whatever!

 

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

 

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

 

 

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

 

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