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Focus On What You Can Control

  • Writer: Deric Hollings
    Deric Hollings
  • 23 hours ago
  • 6 min read

 

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

 

Regarding Stoicism, I invite you to consider that REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

 

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

 

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

 

Pertaining to my circle of control and USA, I acknowledge that I’m not godlike, because I’m merely a fallible human being, so I can’t change most elements of life which I find undesirable. For instance, I cannot make it so that every traffic light will turn green when I approach.

 

Concerning my circle of influence and UOA, I recognize that other people also aren’t godly, as they’re imperfect beings with limited control over most matters in life. Thus, when I attempt to persuade them to change behavior which I find unpleasant, they don’t have to listen to me.

 

On the topic of my circle of concern and ULA, I admit that I have exceedingly limited control and influence over virtually everything outside of my body. This includes the past, the flow of time, natural disasters, war, opinions of me held by other people, and so forth.

 

As for the area or realm of no concern, well, that’s where deities are situated. Maybe they exist, though maybe not. Regarding this matter, I’m agnostic (a person who holds the view that any ultimate reality, such as a supreme being, is unknown and probably unknowable).

 

Perhaps unsurprisingly, ancient Stoics didn’t adopt an agnostic perspective on gods. For example, authors of The Daily Stoic quote ancient Stoic philosopher Epictetus who stated (page 296):

 

How appropriate that the gods put under our control only the most powerful ability that governs all the rest—the ability to make the right use of external appearances—and that they didn’t put anything else under our control. Was this simply because they weren’t willing to give us more? I think if it had been possible they would have given us more, but it was impossible.

 

Personally, Epictetus’s consideration is within my realm of no concern. Consider Hitchens’s razor—what can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed without evidence. Now contemplate the Sagan’s standard— extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.

 

I can’t control whether or not deities actually exist. Therefore, I focus on what I can control. In similar fashion, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 296):

 

We could look at the upcoming day and despair at all the things we don’t control: other people, our health, the temperature, the outcome of a project once it leaves our hands. Or we could look out at that very same day and rejoice at the one thing we do control: the ability to decide what any event means.

 

Is there a god watching over me at this very moment, taking note of my every move so that I’ll be judged accordingly in the future? Perhaps, though perhaps not. Even if there is, I can’t control a deity. Thus, I focus on what I can control. Similarly, the authors conclude (page 296):

 

This second option offers the ultimate power—a true and fair form of control. If you had control over other people, wouldn’t other people have control over you? […] While you don’t control external events, you retain the ability to decide how you respond to those events. You control what every external event means to you personally. This includes the difficult one in front of you right now.

 

Even if you maintain that there are deities watching over you at this very moment, comprehending that you have no control over them, are you able to focus on what you can control? If so, then as a matter of empowerment, why not focus on what you can control?

 

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

 

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

 

 

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW


Photo credit, Designed by Magnific, fair use

 

References:

 

Daily Stoic. (n.d.). Translating the Stoics: An interview with “The Daily Stoic” co-author Stephen Hanselman. Retrieved from https://dailystoic.com/stephen-hanselman-interview/

Holiday, R. and Hanselman, S. (2016). The daily stoic: 366 meditations on wisdom, perseverance, and the art of living. Penguin Random House LLC. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-daily-stoic-366-meditations-on-wisdom-perseverance-and-the-art-of-living-d61378067.html

Hollings, D. (2025, September 6). Bringing meaning to the words. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/bringing-meaning-to-the-words

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Hollings, D. (2024, July 11). Concern and no concern. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/concern-and-no-concern

Hollings, D. (2023, April 22). Control. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/control

Hollings, D. (2025, October 3). Control and influence: A soft center and coated in a candy shell. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/control-and-influence-a-soft-center-and-coated-in-a-candy-shell

Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer

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Wikipedia. (n.d.). Epictetus. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epictetus

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Wikipedia. (n.d.). Sagan standard. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sagan_standard

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