Discomfort Anxiety: Where Are You Going?

[DISCLAIMER]

In high school, after years of tolerating distorted vision, a family that invited me to live with them from the children’s home in which I was a resident took me to an optometrist. It turned out that I needed prescription eyewear.

If memory serves, once I received my new glasses, I was excited about being able to see details of the leaves on a tree from a window of the optometry clinic. “See that?” the optometrist said, “That’s what you’ve been missing!”

On the following day, I wore my eyeglasses to school. “What the fuck are those?” my friend “Lil’ Caesar” asked while laughing and drawing nearer to my face, “They’re like magnifying glasses, and I can see into your pores!”

At the time, my acne was so severe that I was prescribed Accutane—a medication used to treat severe cystic acne that is unresponsive to antibiotics. As such, that was the first and last time I wore glasses to Amarillo High School.

Thereafter, when around Lil’ Caesar, I irrationally (not in accordance with both logic and reason) sought comfort (a state of physiological or psychological ease, often characterized by the absence of hardship) rather than discomfort (mental or physical uneasiness).

Using a modus ponens syllogism (if p, then q; p; therefore, q), I reasoned that if comfort was good (p), then I’d rather that experience than being uncomfortable (feeling discomfort) (q). Comfort was good (p). Therefore, I’d rather that experience than being uncomfortable (q).

For instance, when cruising Bomb City and listening to trio 213 (rapper Snoop Dogg, lyricist Warren G, and the late singer Nate Dogg), I often rode shotgun (seated in the front passenger seat of a vehicle, next to the driver) rather than driving. That was good and comfortable.

On the occasions during which I drove, Lil’ Caesar correctly expressed his discomfort with how poorly my driving was. I couldn’t see well at all, so there was that! In any event, it was at that period in time when Warren G released his debut studio album Regulate... G Funk Era (1994).

It contained the popular track “Regulate” featuring Nate Dogg, also employing a four-bar sample of the rhythm of Michael McDonald’s song “I Keep Forgettin’ (Every Time You’re Near)”, and sampling “Sign of the Times” by Bob James while interpolating “Let Me Ride” by Dr. Dre.

Times spent with Lil’ Caesar were some of the most memorable experiences of my high school years! Alas, in an impermanent and uncertain life, it’s inevitable that all things shall pass—the comfortable and good times, uncomfortable and bad times, and the mundane and neutral times.

Not long after graduating high school (1995), I enlisted in the United States (U.S.) Marine Corps (1996). While attending U.S. Marine Corps Recruit Training at Marine Corps Recruit Depot San Diego, I was in for a lot of what I irrationally considered uncomfortable and bad experiences.

For example, I was required to wear “portholes,” as one source thusly describes this term, “Glasses (also referred to as BC glasses where the BC can stand for Boot Camp or Birth Control – Birth Control because they are so ugly there isn’t a chance of...well, they’re that ugly).”

By no means was wearing BCs my most challenging experience in boot camp, though my irrational beliefs about the matter caused discomfort. To expand upon what I mean, it may be worth addressing the psychotherapeutic model that I practice and a book that I’ve been reading.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

REBT, developed by the late psychologist Albert Ellis, uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence.

This is known as distress or disturbance. For context, the American Psychological Association defines discomfort anxiety as “tension and consequent low frustration tolerance [LFT] that arise from irrational beliefs about perceived threats to well-being. [proposed in 1979 by Albert Ellis].”

Noteworthy, with virtually any undesirable Action that occurs, it’s one’s unfavorable Beliefs which cause unpleasant distress or disturbance (Consequence). Given this framing of self-distress and self-disturbance, it’s worth noting that one REBT source states (page 71):

REBT conceptualizes [distress] as healthy even though it is intense. Other approaches to therapy have as their goal the reduction of the intensity of negative emotions. They take this position because they do not keenly differentiate between healthy negative emotions (distress) and unhealthy negative emotions (disturbance).

Now, REBT keenly distinguishes between healthy distress and unhealthy disturbance. Healthy distress stems from your rational beliefs about a negative activating event [Action], whilst disturbance stems from your irrational beliefs about the same event.

Complete elimination of distress is highly unlikely in an impermanent and uncertain world wherein people conceptually suffer, struggle, and battle with, or merely experience hardship. Still, individuals often make matters worse for themselves by disturbing about such instances.

As an example, when required to wear BCs in boot camp (Action), I unhelpfully Believed, “I can’t stand these ugly glasses, because people can see into my pores!” This LFT self-narrative then caused unpleasant discomfort anxiety (Consequence).

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Rather than LFT views, REBT promotes use of high frustration tolerance (HFT). Rather than telling myself “I can’t stand” BCs, I could’ve instead told myself “I can do this!” The former LFT script causes discomfort, yet the latter HFT view helps to tolerate uncomfortable events.

When promoting daily practice of REBT, specifically regarding HFT, I invite people not to run or face away from discomfort. In similar fashion, authors of The Daily Stoic quote ancient Stoic philosopher Seneca who stated (page 295):

For even peace itself will supply more reason for worry. Not even safe circumstances will bring you confidence once your mind has been shocked—once it gets in the habit of blind panic, it can’t provide for its own safety. For it doesn’t really avoid danger, it just runs away. Yet we are exposed to greater danger with our backs turned.

When contemplating Seneca’s reference to escapism or avoidance, perhaps as a means of seeking catharsis (the release of strong, pent-up emotions), I’m reminded of Nate Dogg’s debut studio album G-Funk Classics, Vol. 1 & 2 (1998). I’ve played both volumes quite a bit!

In any case, disc one contains the track “Where Are You Going?” which features the comfortable vocals by Pamela Hale. On the outro, both Nate Dogg and Hale sing the following comforting lines:

Where are you going?

I ask you one and all.

(Where are you going?)

Anyone can answer,

I betcha’ they don’t know.

(Where are you going?)

[x4]

When causing your own discomfort anxiety through use of LFT narratives, then seeking catharsis by running away from uncomfortable events, do your problems disappear when your back is turned? If not, then where are you going? Why not instead face discomfort with HFT?

Decades ago, I upset myself when Lil’ Caesar made fun of me for wearing glasses. Running from discomfort, my self-upset caught up to me in boot camp when I was required to wear BCs. Favorably, I eventually learned to practice HFT, as discomfort anxiety has no power over me!

I invite you to consider where it is that you think you’re going when practicing LFT. Wherever you go, there you are—as you can’t outrun the function of your mind! Your self-caused discomfort anxiety will seek you out. Why not stand and face it? I suspect that you can stand it!

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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