No Trust: Dishonesty

[DISCLAIMER]

On his sixteenth mixtape, By Any Means 2 (2017), rapper Kevin Gates released the song “No Trust” which was produced by Smash David and Diego Ave. Addressing his distrust of hoes (singular “ho,” slang for the pejorative term whore), Gates expresses on the chorus:

I can’t even trust my heat, ‘cause sometimes that bitch jam

And everybody that I meet swear that they gon’ hold it down

And every bitch I thought I loved took my heart and went crash

And every time I was away, she had dealings with the past

That’s exactly why

I ain’t trustin’ no, no, no, no, no ho [x4]

When considering these lyrics through the frame of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I think it may be useful to define “trust.” For clarity, I stated in a blogpost entitled Trust the Process:

Colloquially, trust is defined as assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. In the field of mental, emotional, and behavior health [collectively “mental health”] care, trust is defined somewhat the same. In particular, the American Psychological Association [APA] states:

[R]eliance on or confidence in the dependability of someone or something. In interpersonal relationships, trust refers to the confidence that a person or group of people has in the reliability of another person or group; specifically, it is the degree to which each party feels that they can depend on the other party to do what they say they will do.

The key factor is not the intrinsic honesty of the other people but their predictability. Trust is considered by most psychologists to be a primary component in mature relationships with others, whether intimate, social, or therapeutic.

Regarding the colloquial and APA definitions, the necessary component in trust is dependence upon what others say they will do. In view of this consideration, I now invite you to contemplate that I expressed in a blogpost entitled Trust Life:

While there are many impactful lessons I could cite from the work of Maya Angelou, one of the most meaningful pieces of knowledge which shaped my perspective was delivered on Oprah Winfrey’s show. The conversation unfolded as follows:

Winfrey: One of the most important lessons I ever learned from you […] when people show you who they are, believe them. 

Angelou: Yes, absolutely. A person says to you, “I’m selfish,” or, “I’m mean,” or, “I am unkind”—

Winfrey: Or, “I’m crazy.”

Angelou: Or, “I’m cra—,” believe them. They know themselves much better than you do. But no, more often than not, those of us who don’t trust life say, “Don’t say a thing like that! You’re not really crazy,” “You’re not really unkind,” “You’re not really mean.” And soon as you say that, the person—pap! [making slapping hand gesture]—

Winfrey: Lets you know.

Angelou: And shows you. “I told you. I told you I was unkind! So now, why are you angry?”

The essential takeaway is that when people show you who they are, believe them the first time; because they know themselves better than you do. This conclusion is a rational one.

Notice what was and wasn’t shared during the Winfrey and Angelou discussion. The dictum wasn’t that when individuals tell you who they are, believe them. Rather, it was when people show you who they are, believe them.

While the colloquial and APA definitions of “trust” are comprehensible, I don’t find much use in “depend[ing] on the other party to do what they say they will do.” This is because fallible human beings are capable of dishonesty (lack of honesty or integrity: disposition to defraud or deceive).

Here, four scenarios may improve your comprehension of this matter. The first example involves an inanimate object, the second relates to a living being that isn’t human, the third relates to the complex system of one’s environment, and the final scenario regards imperfect people.

Scenario 1: On “No Trust”, Gates admits, “I can’t even trust my heat [gun], ‘cause sometimes that bitch jam [malfunctions].” Given my fairly extensive background with firearms manipulation – related to military, law enforcement, and security work – I relate to this view.

For instance, many elements can influence the malfunction of a handgun. As an example, when serving as military police (MP), many MPs experienced gun jams when using the Beretta M9. Because a pistol is an inanimate object, it can’t say what it will or won’t do.

Nevertheless, the MPs with whom I served came to distrust our government-issued service pistols. This was because we believed what the handgun showed us what it would often do: jam.

Scenario 2: Also when serving as an MP, I became familiar with military working dogs (MWDs). More so than any others, I was impressed with the Belgian Shepherd breed, especially the Malinois. It seemed like that type of MWD rarely ever tired, and was eager to work!

Still, the rumor with United States Marine Corps (USMC) MPs was that our military branch likely received the “reject dogs,” much as many of us considered ourselves Uncle Sam’s Misguided Children. Specifically, the Malinois MWDs often bit other MPs.

Although they weren’t ever supposed to turn on fellow law enforcement personnel, many MPs with whom I served came to trust that our MWD counterparts would bite us. This isn’t because the dogs said that they would do so. Rather, they repeatedly showed us through their behavior.

Scenario 3: When serving as an MP aboard Camp Kinser in Okinawa, Japan (1997-1999), typhoons were relatively predictable. However, what wasn’t as dependable was how people responded to these atmospheric events.

For example, as I was told, Okinawans used ground up coral in the mix used to pave their roads. When moist, the coral element became quite slick. Therefore, with high winds and heavy rainfall during typhoons, even large vehicles such as Humvees could slide off the road.

The complex system of the Okinawan environment didn’t say what would or wouldn’t happen during typhoon events. Rather, those MPs with whom I worked learned to trust what we were shown during such inclement weather.

Scenario 4: Shifting from personal anecdotes and back to Gates’ “No Trust”, the rapper states that “every bitch I thought I loved took my heart and went crash. And every time I was away, she had dealings with the past.” Presumably, his intimate partners were unfaithful.

Perhaps these individuals said that they were honest actors who were worthy of trust. And maybe Gates genuinely believed that these people wouldn’t be dishonest. However, after apparently many instances of cheating, Gates could have trusted in what he was shown.

After all, it isn’t unlike flawed intimate partners to use dishonesty. Thus, trusting in what one is shown, not merely in what others say, may be worth considering. According to Angelou, people are to be believed when they show you who they are… the first time!

In closing, with contemplation of scenarios one through four, it may be worth your consideration to take into account that what you’re shown can often (though not always) reveal more than words said through use of dishonesty. Understanding topic is a matter of rational living.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

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