Overconfidence: To Thine Own Self Be True

[DISCLAIMER]

While serving in the field of military police (MP), aboard Camp Kinser in Okinawa, Japan (1997-1999), I had confidence (a belief or consciousness of one’s powers or of reliance on one’s circumstances). Specifically, I was confident in my ability to perform MP duties.

Unfavorably, I wasn’t well-liked by many of my peers. This is because I began with the belief that I was competent at my job and then lapsed into overconfidence which the American Psychological Association (APA) defines as

[A] cognitive bias characterized by an overestimation of one’s actual ability to perform a task successfully, by a belief that one’s performance is better than that of others, or by excessive certainty in the accuracy of one’s beliefs.

I once foolishly touted my perceived ability as an MP to other Marines within my occupational field. I continued this maladaptive behavior until a noncommissioned officer sat me down for a series of talks. Regarding this, I stated in Your Duties Are the Sum of Individual Acts:

[M]y inflexible approach to occupational military life didn’t bode well for my military social life. Fortunately, a compassionate sergeant sat me down for a meaningful conversation about my uncompromising outlook.

“Look, devil dog [Marine],” he told me, “you’re gonna have to choose your battles.” The sergeant went on to discuss how he earned the trust of MPs under his charge by bending the rules in the social realm so that if ever there was war in the occupational domain they’d have his back.

Occasional discussions with the sergeant afforded me the opportunity of a perspective shift. Slowly, I set aside an unhelpful attitude of overconfidence and returned to merely being confident in my abilities as an MP. That was juuuuussst right for me and others.

In doing so, I was able to help other MPs who experienced underconfidence which the APA defines as “a cognitive bias characterized by an underestimation of one’s ability to perform a task successfully or by an underrating of one’s performance relative to that of others.”

I was a much more effective MP when believing in my ability from an outlook that was rational (in accordance with both logic and reason). As well, I became a better Marine overall. When further contemplating this topic, I’m now reminded of a classic hip hop track.

On his album Nine Livez (1995) by lyricist Nine was the song “Ova Confident” – featuring samples of “Rough…” (1993) by lyricists Queen Latifah, Treach of Naughty by Nature, the late Heavy D, and KRS-One, and “Baknaffek” (1993) by duo Da EFX (lyricists Dray and Skoob).

The sampled chorus of “Ova Confident” states, “Who you gonna rip [tear up, defeat, etc.] without that confidence? I really believe you’re weak and overconfident.” In typical hip hop braggadocio style, Nine’s track challenged beliefs of his overconfident lyrical rivals.

This is akin to how a sergeant in Okinawa disputed my irrational beliefs which caused overconfidence. Underlying my attitude of bravado was weakness of personal development, as addressed in the Nine song. Now, I reflect upon these matters when reading a book.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

The authors quote Diogenes Laertius, a biographer of the Greek philosophers, who stated, “Zeno always said that nothing was more unbecoming than putting on airs, especially with the young” (page 280). For context, one source states:

To put on airs, also give airs, put in airs, give yourself airs, is an English language idiom and a colloquial phrase meant to describe a person who acts superior, or one who behaves as if they are more important than others.

Allow me to air out my behavior as a young MP, and I thank you for tolerating my crudeness. A popular saying about male Marines when I served (1996-2007) was that we were “young, dumb, and full of cum!” The latter term regards sperm and infers an abundance of testosterone.

Apparently, I behaved precisely in a manner about which Zeno spoke. Putting on airs, my ego was inflated and I became overconfident. Also, the erectness of my weak overconfidence then impacted others. About such actions, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 280):

Isocrates’s famous letter to Demonicus (which later became the inspiration for Polonius’s [a character in William Shakespeare’s play Hamlet] “To thine own self be true” speech) holds a similar warning to Zeno.

Writing to the young man, Isocrates advises: “Be affable in your relations with those who approach you, and never haughty; for the pride of the arrogant even slaves can hardly endure.”

In the early stages of being an MP, I wasn’t affable (characterized by ease and friendliness). Actually, I was quite rigid in my beliefs and prickly in my behavior. Was that in my true nature though? No. Was I therefore being true to myself? No. For context, one source states:

‘To thine own self be true’ is a well-known proverbial expression which means ‘be true to yourself’ or ‘don’t do anything that would go against your true nature’ […]

Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice;

Take each man’s censure, but reserve thy judgment.

Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,

But not express’d in fancy; rich, not gaudy;

For the apparel oft proclaims the man,

And they in France of the best rank and station

Are of a most select and generous chief in that.

Neither a borrower nor a lender be;

For loan oft loses both itself and friend,

And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.

This above all: to thine own self be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Farewell: my blessing season this in thee!

Note that ‘to thine own self be true’ is only the first part of this morsel of advice: we should also wait for the other shoe to drop as Polonius follows this up by saying, essentially, ‘and if you are true to yourself, then it naturally follows that you will be true to others, too.’

I’m uncertain, though I was told that when I left Camp Kinser there were celebrations from other MPs. Even though I’d changed my weak-ass demeanor, other Marines hadn’t forgotten how I once was. I don’t blame them! Noteworthy, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 280):

One of the most common tropes in art—from ancient literature to popular movies—is the brash and overconfident young man who has to be taken down a peg by an older, wiser man.

It’s a cliché because it’s a fact of life: people tend to get ahead of themselves, thinking they’ve got it all figured out and are better than those that don’t. It becomes so unpleasant to put up with that someone has to drop some knowledge on them. But this is an entirely avoidable confrontation.

The compassionate sergeant aboard Camp Kinser continually dropped knowledge on me, helping me to become strong rather than continuing forward in my weakened overconfident state. I’m grateful for him, as he helped me behave as my true self. In closing, the authors state (page 280):

If the bubble is never inflated, it won’t need to be popped. Overconfidence is a great weakness and a liability. But if you are already humble, no one will need to humble you—and the world is much less likely to have nasty surprises in store for you. If you stay down to earth, no one will need to bring you—oftentimes crushingly so—back down.

Undesirably, the attitude readjustment I experienced in Okinawa wasn’t the be-all and end-all solution to my overconfidence. For several years thereafter, I’m told that other Marines—this time Marine Security Guards—threw parties after I’d been transferred from my military posts.

That’s often how the process of change unfolds. Sometimes it takes people years to alter their nonadaptive behavior. Today, I believe that I’m being true to myself. As well, I bear in mind when working with clients that lasting and effective change doesn’t necessary occur overnight.

Now, I present this psychoeducational lesson on overconfidence to you. Thus, I invite you to discover a Goldilocks zone, whereby you’re presented with underconfidence, confidence, and overconfidence – settling for somewhere in the middle that’s juuuuussst right for you and others.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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