An Honest Person Should Be Like a Smelly Goat

[DISCLAIMER]

When undergoing clinical supervision for licensure as a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Clinical Social Worker, the man who supervised me had an affinity for goats. In the above image, you can see a photo of his pet goats which was kept in one of his practice offices.

Since I was raised to view animals as either (1) sources of food or (2) instruments of labor, I was indifferent to my supervisor’s affection for pet goats. Of course, using this degree of honesty doesn’t often bode well with people who love animals in a similar way as they do for humans.

Per the American Psychological Association, honesty is defined as “in general, truthfulness, uprightness, and integrity” and “in psychotherapy, the ability of an individual to express true feelings and communicate immediate experiences, including conflicting, ambivalent, or guilt-ridden attitudes.”

The above photo depicts one of three offices my supervisor had at the time. It was my preferred place to provide care for mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”), as I worked on fostering close therapeutic alliances (working relationships) with clients.

To facilitate strong alliances, I advocated use of open, honest, and vulnerable communication. However, I unfortunately wasn’t able to conduct myself in similar fashion regarding my supervisor. In short, there were unpleasant consequences for being honest with him.

Therefore, I employed a strategy that I learned when specializing in interrogation while serving as military police in the United States (U.S.) Marine Corps. “Nobody talks, everybody walks” is a phrase use to invoke one’s right to remain silent, as to avoid criminal charges or conviction.

Regarding a clinical supervisor who ostensibly used my words as proverbial ammunition with which to metaphorically shoot me, as was apparently practiced in his preferred psychodynamic approach to client and supervisee care, I remained silent and walked away with clinical licenses.

I couldn’t be as honest regarding the man who was tasked with cultivating my professional psychotherapeutic experience, as I could in regard to the clients with whom I practiced. Oh well, too bad! Honestly, I wasn’t entitled to the treatment I anticipated from my supervisor.

Worth noting, one source states, “A reputation for honesty is denoted by terms like reputability and trustworthiness. Honesty about one’s future conduct, loyalties, or commitments is called accountability, reliability, dependability, or conscientiousness.”

When tending to personal and professional care for mental health, I advocate honesty through use of personal responsibility and accountability (collectively “ownership”). For instance, I took personal ownership of my reaction to my clinical supervisor’s behavior.

Also, to facilitate intellectual and emotional insight, I relied on friends to help me remain honest to myself. As an example, I said to one military veteran friend, “I was uncomfortable when required to give a hug to the man who threatened to terminate our supervision relationship.”

Using open, honest, vulnerable, and irreverent communication, my veteran friend then responded, “Aww, man, he’s Sir Hugs-a-Lot, just out here spreadin’ the love!” This form of gallows humor was welcomed, because it reminded me that not everyone shared the same values.

Ultimately, I appreciate the experience of discomfort that I experienced when undergoing the clinical supervision process. Specifically, I learned how not to be as a psychotherapist. All these years later, I reflect upon that chapter in my figurative book of life, as I read an actual book.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

When practicing REBT, I try to be respectful when disputing irrational beliefs, though I utilize irreverent humor in a similar fashion that my military veteran friend used with me. This requires honesty. Of this view, authors of The Daily Stoic quote Marcus Aurelius who stated (page 310):

How rotten and fraudulent when people say they intend to ‘give it to you straight.’ What are you up to, dear friend? It shouldn’t need your announcement, but be readily seen, as if written on your forehead, heard in the ring of your voice, a flash in your eyes—just as the beloved sees it all in the lover’s glance. In short, the straightforward and good person should be like a smelly goat—you know when they are in the room with you.

Allow me to be honest for a moment. Many ancient and modern Stoics were and are ensnared in the trap of objective morality and moral absolutism. To use a form of open, honest, vulnerable, and irreverent communication, a lot of Stoics behave(d) as though their shit don’t stink!

I opt to forego stepping into their self-imposed trap, choosing not to evaluate and appraise what I view as fundamentally fallible human beings. Thus, I’m honestly unconcerned with being a “good person,” as I prefer to be an honest person that preferably should be like a smelly goat.

Admittedly, not everyone appreciates a person in a room who speaks honestly. My former clinical supervisor apparently didn’t. He loved goats, though appeared not to value honesty. That’s life! About this topic, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 310):

“I’m going to be straightforward with you here . . .” “I’ll be honest . . .” “No disrespect but . . .” Empty expressions or not, they prompt the question: If you have to preface your remarks with indicators of honesty or directness, what does that say about everything else you say? If you say you’re being honest now, does that mean you usually aren’t?

Years ago, younger users of social media adopted a trend. When posting photos and videos, they’d use perverse qualifiers to which Aurelius and authors of The Daily Stoic alluded. For instance, “To be honest [TBH], I don’t like jean shorts,” or, “TBH, I like ranch dressing!”

If one prefaces a statement with “to be honest,” then the distorted inference interwoven into one’s expression is that anything without the TBH perverse qualifier is dishonest (characterized by lack of truth, honesty, or trustworthiness). Of this, the authors conclude (page 310):

What if, instead, you cultivated a life and a reputation in which honesty was as bankable as a note from the U.S. Treasury, as emphatic and explicit as a contract, as permanent as a tattoo? Not only would it save you from needing to use the reassurances that other, less scrupulous people must engage in, it will make you a better person.

I have no concern with being a “good” or “better person.” Rather, an honest person [preferably] should be like a smelly goat. If that’s perceived as “good” by others, then so be it. If not, well, it is what it is. I’m still going to speak honestly, especially when it’s the unpopular thing to do.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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