Captain Save a Ho: She’s Going, Because She Wasn’t Yours to Begin With

[DISCLAIMER]

The Difference Between a Singular Ho and Plural Hoes

In 1989, along with my dad, I attended LL Cool J’s Nitro World Tour, which featured rapper Eazy-E, rap group N.W.A, rapper Slick Rick, rap group De La Soul, and though he was scheduled to perform, rapper Too $hort was unable to appear for the Denver, Colorado concert.

My uncle by marriage worked for an events ticketing agency, as he received two free tickets to the popular concert. Addressing his hesitation about taking a junior high school-aged boy to see rappers and lyricists perform adult-themed content, my dad called me from his job.

“Son,” my dad said with concern in his voice, “what’ve you gotten me into? Some of these cats [men] at work tell me that this… N.W.A is gonna be at the concert tonight. I didn’t know that I agreed to take you to a place where men are rapping about bitches and hoes!” (identified herein as “[sic]”).

A bitch is defined as a malicious, spiteful, or overbearing woman, mostly used as a generalized term of abuse and disparagement, especially (though not solely) for a woman. From the mid-to-late ‘80s, gangsta rap music often featured the singular word “bitch” and plural word “bitches.”

A ho is defined as a person and especially (though not solely) a woman who has multiple sexual partners: a sexually promiscuous person. Unlike a hoe, which regards any of various implements for tilling, mixing, or raking, many gangsta rappers often spelled “ho” as “hoe.”

However, this was an erroneous use of terms. Thus “sic” herein regards a misspelling. The singular word “ho” is a reference to one sexually promiscuous person. Alternatively, the plural word “hoes” regards numerous people who have multiple sexual partners.

Therefore, when my dad expressed concern about taking his young son to see performances by rappers and lyricists who flagrantly used the words “bitches” and “hoes,” he was expressing hesitation on moral and ethical grounds (i.e., it was bad to expose his son to disparaging terms).

I explained that when living in Amarillo, Texas with my mom, I’d already learned about hoes and pimps (people, especially men, who exercise inflexible control or flexible influence over one or more sex workers, arranges clients for them, and takes a portion of their earnings).

As “ho” is a slang term for “whore,” and irrespective of how offensive these terms perceivably are, the hoes which groups like N.W.A often addressed were thusly labeled due to a means of pattern recognition (i.e., receiving direct or indirect recompense for sexual favors).

“Dad,” I explained, “I already know about this stuff, so it’s not like I’ll hear anything I haven’t heard before.” Not persuaded by my argument, my dad concluded, “I’ll take you, because I said I would, and I’m a man of my word. But I don’t approve of the ‘bitches’ and ‘hoes’ language.”

Ya Gotta Let a Ho Be a Ho

I had a memorable time at the concert with my dad. It was one of the more meaningful events I recalled after being transferred back to Amarillo. In relatively short order, I was placed in a children’s home, and then taken in to live with a family before the start of my sophomore year.

During that year of high school, the late rapper Bo$$ dropped her only studio album, Born Gangstaz (1993). Other than the late rapper Bloody Mary, I don’t recall hearing another female emcee contribute any evocative content to gangsta rap. That is until Bo$$ came onto the scene.

On Born Gangstaz, the rapper featured the song “Recipe of a Hoe [sic]”. On the chorus, Bo$$ stated, “Yep, ya gotta. Yep, yep, ya gotta. Ya gotta let a ho be a ho (ho).” At this point, a psychoeducational lesson on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) may be useful.

REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as distress or disturbance.

Noteworthy, with virtually any undesirable Action that occurs, it’s your unfavorable Beliefs which cause unpleasant distress or disturbance (Consequence). Given this framing of self-distress and self-disturbance, it’s worth noting that one REBT source states (page 71):

REBT conceptualizes [distress] as healthy even though it is intense. Other approaches to therapy have as their goal the reduction of the intensity of negative emotions. They take this position because they do not keenly differentiate between healthy negative emotions (distress) and unhealthy negative emotions (disturbance).

Now, REBT keenly distinguishes between healthy distress and unhealthy disturbance. Healthy distress stems from your rational beliefs about a negative activating event [Action], whilst disturbance stems from your irrational beliefs about the same event.

Complete elimination of distress is highly unlikely in an impermanent and uncertain world wherein people conceptually suffer, struggle, and battle with, or merely experience hardship. Still, individuals often make matters worse for themselves by disturbing about such instances.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to distress or disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive scripts, think of the acronym GLAD.

Additionally, from a psychological standpoint, people distress or disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.

From an A-C view, a ho may engage in sexual intercourse with multiple partners (Action), and then receive recompense in the form of dinners, shopping sprees, travel arrangements, cash, or other means (Consequence). Yet, from a B-C perspective, a ho’s behavior doesn’t cause disgust.

For example, hoes fuck for compensation (Action), you Believe, “Hoes are worthless [G], and I can’t abide them [L], because hoish behavior is dreadful [A], as it absolutely mustn’t happen,” and with this inflexible script you experience negative and unhealthy disgust (Consequence).

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

On “Recipe of a Hoe”, Bo$$ used a flexible Effective new belief by maintaining, “Ya gotta let a ho be a ho.” In this instance of the word, “gotta” is a malleable demandingness derivative. It’s like saying that you preferably should let a ho be a ho.

Why preferably should you? Hoes are gonna ho, and your attempt to inflexibly control or flexibly influence them isn’t all that different than how pimps treat hoes. So, ya gotta let a ho be a ho. It isn’t as though you must want, like, or love this fact; yet, to use a tautology, it is what it is.

Captain Save a Ho

Also during my sophomore year, lyricist E-40 released the extended play The Mail Man (1993). It contained the track “Captain Save a Hoe [sic]” that featured rap group The Click (consisting of siblings, lyricist E-40, and rappers D-Shot and Suga-T), along with their cousin, rapper B-Legit).

Regarding the song, one source states, “The slang phrase ‘captain save a hoe [sic]’ has come to mean a man who spends an excessive amount of time and money trying to please a woman, usually a promiscuous one,” and it “criticizes a man who tries to ‘save’ and impress women, especially when their help is unneeded.”

Photo credit, fair use

Employing his unique method of rhyme delivery, E-40 stated on the chorus, “Uh-iz-I, uh-iz-I, should I save her?” This question is an example of a flexible recommendatory should Belief. In response to his query, a woman sings, “I wanna be saved.” Presumably, she behaved like a ho.

The Click’s critique of saving hoes regarded a person who played oneself, as one source states that this term addresses “when you set yourself up to fail.” Ergo, when saving hoes, one plays oneself, as if one who behaves like a ho wants to be “saved,” even when not needing salvation.

Don’t Save Her, Because You Can’t Save a Ho

While I heard descriptions and prescriptions of ho-saving in childhood and adolescence, I didn’t subscribe to the principles and standards that I learned from gangsta rap. Regrettably, I attempted to save a number of girls in my youth and women in my adulthood who behaved like hoes.

This created an internal dilemma (a usually undesirable or unpleasant choice, often regarding a situation involving such a choice). On one hand, I thought that saving females with hoish behavior would result in a lasting intimate partner relationship, despite rap music’s warnings.

On the other hand, endorsing the perspectives of rappers and lyricists, the outcome of my effort continually resulted in failure. Thus, I played myself! Admittedly, it wasn’t as though I stopped receiving forewarnings after I became an adult, because I had plenty of admonitions.

For instance, on his second studio album Mista Don’t Play: Everythangs Workin (2001), rapper Project Pat, of the rap group Three Six Mafia, released the song “Don’t Save Her” that featured rapper Crunchy Black. The chorus stated, “Don’t save her. She don’t wanna be saved.”

Moreover, Project Pat said, “Two things I ain’t never in my life done seen befo’ is a UFO, or a ho that wouldn’t go.” In the pimping subculture, a ho is said to “go” when leaving one pimp and choosing another panderer (i.e., a male panderer is called a pimp, and a female one, a madam).

As pimp terms are interlaced with hip hop subcultural vernacular, saying that a ho will go, is going, or has already gone regards a sexually promiscuous person, typically a woman, who leaves one intimate partner for another partner (e.g., going from boyfriend X to boyfriend Y).

Additionally, on his album 3 Weeks (2019), the late rapper BeatKing featured a song entitled “Billie Jean”, in which he comically stated, “I can save the rainforest, but I can’t save a ho!” The assertion is that it’s virtually impossible to save a ho, because she’s likely going anyway.

Memento Mori – Captain Save a Ho: She’s Going, Because She Wasn’t Yours to Begin With

As REBT is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman. Now, consider that according to one source:

In some accounts of the Roman triumph, a companion or public slave would stand behind or near the triumphant general during the procession and remind him from time to time of his own mortality or prompt him to ‘look behind’ [the long procession that he led]. A version of this warning is often rendered into English as ‘Remember, Caesar, thou art mortal”.

In this way, those in positions of power were reminded of their inescapable death. Thus, the phrase used by Stoics is memento mori (remember you [empirically] must die). In consideration of this truthful expression, authors of The Daily Stoic quote Epictetus, who stated (page 355):

“Whenever you experience the pangs of losing something, don’t treat it like a part of yourself but as a breakable glass, so when it falls you will remember that and won’t be troubled. So too, whenever you kiss your child, sibling, or friend, don’t layer on top of the experience all the things you might wish, but hold them back and stop them, just as those who ride behind triumphant generals remind them they are mortal. In the same way, remind yourself that your precious one isn’t one of your possessions, but something given for now, not forever . . .”

The term possession regards the act or condition of having or taking into control, as in something owned or occupied. For instance, if you believe that the woman you’re dating, your girlfriend, or your wife is “one of your possessions,” per Epictetus, then you may believe that you control her.

In this way, REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering if or when your intimate partner goes. This is done through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

Whereas the ABC model is a scientific approach to wellness, UA serves as a philosophical method for un-disturbing yourself. I view the former as an abortive approach to disturbance and the latter as a preventative method. Of course, not all REBT practitioners use the same style as I.

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

Regarding your circle of control and USA, you can control your reaction after an intimate partner has gone. Unless you’re willing to literally shackle her, which I recommend that you shouldn’t do, then you can’t control other people. As Bo$$ stated, “Ya gotta let a ho be a ho.”

Concerning your circle of influence and UOA, even if you could rigidly control the movements of other people, you likely wouldn’t be able to influence their minds. Thus, as Epictetus said, “your precious one isn’t one of your possessions, but something given for now, not forever . . .”

Relating to your circle of concern and ULA, you preferably had better remember memento mori. As I crudely told my friend 1/2 Ton in high school when the girl that he dated had gone, “Hoes come and go, but they mostly go.” Such is life, as is death. We’re here, and then we’re gone.

As for the area of no concern, an imaginary realm in which no hoes exist and no one ever leaves anyone else—through dating, death, or otherwise, that dimension doesn’t represent this one. Regarding the subject matter at hand, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 355):

When there is something we prize—or someone that we love—we can whisper to ourselves that it is fragile, mortal, and not truly ours. No matter how strong or invincible something feels, it never is. We [recommendatorily] must remind ourselves that it can break, can die, can leave us.

Using a modus ponens syllogism (if p, then q; p; therefore, q), I invite you to consider that if a ho can go by way of leaving you, death, or otherwise (p), then she’ll go (q). A ho can go by way of leaving you, death, or otherwise (p). Therefore, she’ll go (q). This is a rational conclusion!

Trying to play Captain Save a Ho, as though you possess someone who behaves as a ho, violates the Epictetian standard of not layering on top of the experience all the things you might wish. As BeatKing reminded us, you can’t save a hoe, because she wasn’t yours to begin with. Let her go!

In closing, authors of The Daily Stoic state, “Loss is one of our deepest fears. Ignorance and pretending don’t make things any better. They just mean the loss will be all the more jarring when it occurs” (page 355). From a B-C view, your Beliefs about loss cause fear (Consequence).

However, if you continually remind yourself that you empirically must die and that all things empirically must end (e.g., intimate partner relationships, by leaving you, death, or otherwise), then you’ll have nothing to fear. After all, loss is inevitable. So, your ho (or otherwise) is going!

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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Hollings, D. (2025, August 13). Rational versus irrational thoughts and beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-versus-irrational-thoughts-and-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2024, January 1). Rational vs. irrational. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-vs-irrational

Hollings, D. (2026, July 24). Reasoned choice and prohairesis: Criticism and praise cannot affect you. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/reasoned-choice-and-prohairesis-criticism-and-praise-cannot-affect-you

Hollings, D. (2024, July 18). REBT flexibility. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rebt-flexibility

Hollings, D. (2024, July 10). Recommendatory should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/recommendatory-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2023, February 17). Revisiting the circle of control. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/revisiting-the-circle-of-control

Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous

Hollings, D. (2026, July 7). Self-distress and distress tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-distress-and-distress-tolerance

Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2026, April 21). Self-upset. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-upset

Hollings, D. (2026, June 12). Something’s gotta give: And if it doesn’t? Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/something-s-gotta-give-and-if-it-doesn-t

Hollings, D. (2026, May 31). Standards and principles. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/standards-and-principles

Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Stoicism. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/stoicism

Hollings, D. (2024, October 17). Stress-testing intimate partner relationships. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/stress-testing-intimate-partner-relationships

Hollings, D. (2024, February 27). Suffering, struggling, and battling vs. experiencing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/suffering-struggling-and-battling-vs-experiencing

Hollings, D. (2024, February 23). Tautology. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/tautology

Hollings, D. (2022, December 23). The A-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-a-c-connection

Hollings, D. (2022, December 25). The B-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-b-c-connection

Hollings, D. (2022, November 2). The critical A. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-critical-a

Hollings, D. (2022, December 14). The is-ought problem. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-is-ought-problem

Hollings, D. (2026, May 15). The speed of thoughts and beliefs: Flipping the bird. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-speed-of-thoughts-and-beliefs-flipping-the-bird

Hollings, D. (2026, April 23). The three traditionally identified components of the mind: Affect, cognition, and conation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-three-traditionally-identified-components-of-the-mind-affect-cognition-and-conation

Hollings, D. (2025, April 15). This cake smells unpleasant. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/this-cake-smells-unpleasant

Hollings, D. (2026, June 5). To offend and endure offense: Você tem chulé. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-offend-and-endure-offense-você-tem-chulé

Hollings, D. (2025, February 28). To try is my goal. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-try-is-my-goal

Hollings, D. (2025, January 9). Traditional ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/traditional-abc-model

Hollings, D. (2024, October 20). Unconditional acceptance redux. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-acceptance-redux

Hollings, D. (2023, March 11). Unconditional life-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-life-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2023, February 25). Unconditional other-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-other-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2023, March 1). Unconditional self-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-self-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2024, March 18). Unhealthy vs. healthy negative emotions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unhealthy-vs-healthy-negative-emotions

Hollings, D. (2024, October 26). Unhelpful expectations. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unhelpful-expectations

Hollings, D. (2023, May 3). Want vs. need. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/want-vs-need

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Hollings, D. (2024, September 29). Well, well, well. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/well-well-well

Hollings, D. (2025, January 23). Who’s ya daddy? Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/who-s-ya-daddy

Hollings, D. (2024, April 17). Wishes, dreams, and goals. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/wishes-dreams-and-goals

Hollings, D. (2025, July 22). You almost always end up with regret. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/you-almost-always-end-up-with-regret

Hollings, D. (2026, March 26). You’ll have suffered twice. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/you-ll-have-suffered-twice

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