I Don't Agree With Everything That Anyone Says

[DISCLAIMER]

I don’t agree with everything that anyone says. “Anyone?” you may ask. Anyone! Taking this proclamation a step further, I don’t agree with everything that even I’ve ever said. “What?” you may respond. After all, I’m able to change my mind when considering additional information.

Therefore, there are many positions I’ve historically supported that I don’t currently advocate. Personally, this approach to rational living is how one may achieve what Stoic and other Greek philosophers regarded as eudaimonia (a well-lived life, good spirit, happiness, well-being, etc.).

This is how I practice Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). Moreover, with my approach to care for mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”), I invite people to consider scripts which are rational (in accordance with both logic and reason).

Here, “logic” is the interrelation or sequence of facts or events when seen as inevitable or predictable, and “reason” is a statement offered in explanation or justification. For instance, a modus ponens syllogism uses the following logical form: If p, then q; p; therefore, q.

For example, if I listen to white nationalist political commentator, activist, and live streamer Nick Fuentes (p), then I don’t agree with everything he has to say (q). Noteworthy, using this logical form, it’s inferred that premises p and q follow without completing the syllogistic form.

Allow me to offer another example. If you hear that I’m willing to listen to what Fuentes has to say (p), then you may not agree with my advocacy for listening to people with commentary that you find disagreeable (q). This example may require psychoeducational lessons on REBT.

REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as the process of self-disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use when self-disturbing: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD. How about an example?

You hear that I’m willing to listen to what Fuentes has to say (Action), you Believe, “Fuentes is a piece of shit [G] and I can’t stand that you listen [L] to his awful commentary [A], because he shouldn’t have a platform for spewing hate [D],” as you then become angry (Consequence).

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

The process of challenging self-disturbing mental scripts can take longer than I care to demonstrate herein. Thus, in the interest of time imagine that instead of self-upsetting you use rigorous Disputation and come up with the following Effective new belief:

Fuentes isn’t a piece of shit; only a fallible human being whose opinions I find disagreeable. As well, using the method of high frustration tolerance (HFT), I can stand that people listen to Fuentes—as his commentary isn’t something that I appreciate; yet, it isn’t awful. Thus, people can platform pundits with perspectives for which I don’t care.

This is how I’m able to listen to people with worldviews which I find distasteful. Additionally, I daily practice REBT—at times challenging myself to find at least one talking point with which I agree regarding opinions from people with whom I’d typically disagree.

Doing so allows me to practice the ABC model. Sometimes, it’s a bit more challenging for people to use this helpful REBT technique when engaging the content of polarizing online content creators. This is where the second major technique of REBT can come in handy.

Specifically, REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

Whereas the ABC model is a scientific approach to well-being, UA serves as a philosophical method for un-disturbing yourself. I view the former as an abortive approach to disturbance and the latter as a preventative method. Of course, not all REBT practitioners use the same style as I.

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

Imagine that you use UA by concluding that you can’t control anything about Fuentes, other than your reaction to him (USA). Likewise, you acknowledge that although you could try, you likely wouldn’t be able to influence him to abruptly give up his speaking engagements (UOA).

Moreover, you realize that in this impermanent and uncertain life, most matters about which you’re concerned aren’t controlled or influenced by you (ULA). Use of UA in this regard doesn’t necessitate the challenging practice of listening to anything that anyone says.

“Okay, Deric,” you may say, “why focus on Fuentes at this point?” Well, according to one source, “I’ll be honest with you, I made a lot of money this summer,’ Fuentes said recently. ‘And I got a lot of support this month, this year, lots of views, lots of followers.”

Whether or not you challenge yourself by using the ABC model or you tolerate and accept Fuentes by use of UA, he’s steadily growing in popularity. Arguably, since the murder of right-wing political activist, and media personality Charlie Kirk, Fuentes has gained a lot of attention.

Recently, I’ve listened to Fuentes being interviewed by Bradley Martyn, Candace Owens, Dave Smith, Alex Jones, Patrick Bet-David, Myron Gaines, Dinesh D’Souza, and – the most recent one that seems to have resulted in the largest rift within the right-wing sphere – Tucker Carlson.

“But, Deric,” you may plead, “why would you listen to any of them?” I don’t agree with everything that anyone says. You understand that, right? I challenge myself to find at least one talking point with which I agree when listening. So, daily, I practice REBT. Is that not clear?

For my part, more people could achieve a eudaimonic method of living if they sought knowledge, wisdom, and understanding by remaining open to consideration of differing perspectives—even those ideas deemed abhorrent. Many people disagree, as one source reports:

Carlson was facing intense backlash from much of the Christian right and Jewish conservatives over his sitdown with one-time foe Fuentes. While the two-hour chat featured Fuentes singing the praises of Josef Stalin, bemoaning the problem of “organized Jewry in America,” and telling Carlson the importance of being “pro-white, there was one moment in particular that really sparked anger from a large number of conservatives.

“And then the Christian Zionists who are, well, Christian Zionists. What is that? I can just say for myself, I dislike them more than anybody, because it’s Christian heresy,” Carlson told Fuentes at one point. “And I’m offended by that as a Christian.”

From that cited source, I’ve italicized evidence of self-disturbance. Given the psychoeducational lessons in this blogpost thus far, are you able to explain why the Actions of “one moment” occurring or “Christian heresy” existing isn’t what causes self-disturbed Consequences?

Allow me to explain. From a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.

From an A-C outlook, when Fuentes was reportedly de-banked (Action), he apparently lost access to his financial institutions (Consequence). This is a mere matter of causality in the physical world—even one of a social construct (i.e., banking).

However, regarding a B-C perspective, the Actions of “one moment” occurring in a podcast or “Christian heresy” existing in the United States – when paired with GLAD Beliefs – is what causes self-disturbance (Consequence). In essence, GLAD will make you mad, sad, etc.

Presuming you understand the lessons presented herein, are you prepared to change your mind when considering additional information? Particularly, in consideration of the ABC model and UA, are you able and willing to listen to opinions with which you disagree?

My appeal to ability is a matter of HFT. Of course, you are able to listen to disagreeable ideas! Whether or not you’re willing to do so is another matter altogether. Necessarily, I don’t agree with everything that anyone says. Still, I listen for the sake of eudaimonia. How about you?

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

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