Referential Index Shift: The I-You Switch

[DISCLAIMER]

According to one source, “Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) is a pseudoscientific approach to communication, personal development, and psychotherapy” that “asserts a connection between neurological processes, language, and acquired behavioral patterns.”

While I’m not a practitioner of NLP, I appreciate some of its concepts. Specifically, I value the tool of a referential index shift. Regarding this matter, one source states:

The Referential Index Shift in NLP is finding someone else who has a way of thinking or a resource you wish to model (their Reference System), entering their model of the world and noting from their perspective and in all modalities the process and results of their thinking and/or action. Also making a change in the referential index (subject) of a sentence to create overload at the conscious level.

Adding context, one source states, “The language pattern ‘Switching the Referential Index’ is a sentence or paragraph in which the speaker switches of whom they are referring from themselves (“I” or “me”) to ‘you.’ That’s why it can easily be referred to as ‘The I–You Switch.”

For example, “I was in the grocery store earlier when someone was speaking loudly on a cellphone. You would think people could at least have the common decency not to share conversations with the public!”

Here, I was the individual in the grocery store. I took issue with another individual’s behavior. I was the one with the inferred prescription (the action of laying down authoritative rules or directions) about how another person should behave. Yet, I then shifted the reference to “you.”

From the view of an NLP practitioner, a referential index shift may occur when transitioning from a description (a statement or account giving the characteristics of someone or something) to a suggestion (the process by which a physical or mental state is influenced by a thought or idea).

From the perspective of a professional Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) practitioner, I view a referential index shift as a proverbial tool for either construction or destruction. For the sake of discussion, consider this technique as akin to a hammer.

In REBT, flexible prescriptions are like using a hammer to assist in the construction of a home. For instance, I prescribe to myself that I preferably shouldn’t speak loudly on a cellphone when in public. After all, it’s a generally accepted norm in my particular area not to do so.

However, rigid prescriptions are akin to using a hammer for destruction of a home. As an example, I may prescribe that other people absolutely shouldn’t speak loudly on a cellphone when in public. Besides, I’ve clearly indicated that there’s a norm regarding such behavior.

The important point to understand when considering a referential index shift in this fashion is flexibility (i.e., rational) and inflexibility (i.e., irrational). For further context, I invite you to consider what one REBT source has to say about rational versus irrational positions (page 5):

B in the ABC framework stands for [B]eliefs. These are evaluative cognitions or constructed views of the world that can be either rigid or flexible. When clients’ beliefs are flexible, they are called rational beliefs.

Rational beliefs often take the form of desires, wishes, wants, and preferences (rather than dogmatic musts or shoulds). When clients adhere to such flexible premises, they will tend to draw rational conclusions from them.

It’s a matter of rational belief to flexibly shift the reference to a preference. As an example, “I hope that this relatively short blogpost is understandable, because no one preferably should communicate ineffectively.” Did you catch that the I-you switch occurred by use of “no one”?

Alternatively, I may use an irrational belief by inflexibly shifting the reference to a demand. For instance, “I’ll post this blog entry, though you absolutely shouldn’t communicate ineffectively!” The I-you switch is of little consequence here, though the demand clearly is. It evokes fear.

In conclusion, I invite you to consider a referential index shift as a tool for construction or destruction. Herein, I’ve illustrated this point with an analogy of building or destroying a home by way of a hammer.

That home is the mental, emotional, and behavioral health of your own dwelling space. Now that you’ve been made aware of how an individual can switch the reference, as this can be done flexibly or inflexibly, I encourage you to consider building rather than destroying your home.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit (edited), fair use

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