Desperation

[DISCLAIMER]

Desperation is defined as the loss of hope and surrender to despair. Regarding despair, the American Psychological Association states:

[T]he emotion or feeling of hopelessness, that is, that things are profoundly wrong and will not change for the better. Despair is one of the most negative and destructive of human affects, and as such it is a primary area for psychotherapeutic intervention.

Despair isn’t the self-disturbed emotional experience associated with your irrational beliefs about a preferred franchise coffee shop having exhausted its supply of your favorite drink or canceling a popular seasonal item. Though that may be considered annoying, it isn’t an example of despair.

Rather, a salient line from Jay-Z comes to mind. On his 1998 album Vol. 2... Hard Knock Life, the lyricist dropped the track “Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem)”, produced by The 45 King, in which Jay-Z says, “When my situation ain’t improvin’, I’m tryna murder everything movin.”

Now that’s self-induced desperation! Perhaps you wonder what I mean by “self-induced.” Maybe you misunderstand the phenomenon of self-disturbance, as you maintain that when one’s situation isn’t improving, desperation by turning to murder is a natural result. I beg to differ.

Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, and not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence.

To better understand the Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection of self-disturbance, it may be worth drawing a distinction between healthy distress and unhealthy disturbance. According to one REBT source (page 71):

REBT conceptualizes this distress [e.g., annoyance] as healthy even though it is intense. Other approaches to therapy have as their goal the reduction of the intensity of negative emotions. They take this position because they do not keenly differentiate between healthy negative emotions (distress) and unhealthy negative emotions (disturbance).

Now, REBT keenly distinguishes between healthy distress and unhealthy disturbance. Healthy distress stems from your rational beliefs about a negative activating event, whilst disturbance stems from your irrational beliefs about the same event.

Colloquially, distress merely relates to an uncomfortable or painful situation. Likewise, disturbance is identified as a departure from a norm or standard: a deviation, disruption, or impairment in form, function, or activity.

Pertaining to this matter, the aforementioned REBT source addresses rational and irrational beliefs. That which is rational remains in accordance with both logic and reason. That which is irrational doesn’t satisfy these core components.

For context, logic is the interrelation or sequence of facts or events when seen as inevitable or predictable. As well, reason is a statement offered in explanation or justification. Now, let’s look at the coffee shop example as that relating to healthy distress.

You order your favorite caffeine drink and a barista informs you that the item is no longer available (Action). You then Believe, “You’re still advertising the beverage, so you preferably should have it in stock.” As a result of this assumption, you’re then annoyed (Consequence).

Tolerable distress is associated with a flexible attitude. You helpfully preferred, though didn’t unhelpfully expect, the coffee shop to operate in accordance with its advertised products. Now, let’s look at the Jay-Z example regarding unhealthy disturbance (using you in this scenario).

You order your favorite caffeine drink and a barista informs you that the item is no longer available (Action). You then Believe, “You absolutely must honor your advertised products, because I can’t stand when companies commit the act of false advertising!”

“In fact,” you continue Believing, “this is the worst morning ever, and I hate how terrible it is when my situation’s not improving. If they don’t have the drink I want, then I should murder everything moving!” You’re then enraged, as you shoot up the coffee shop (Consequence).

Self-disturbance of this variety is associated with a rigid attitude. You unhelpfully used prescriptions, rather than descriptions, about an undesirable event. While you may think this Jay-Z example is implausible, it happens quite a bit – perhaps more than about which you’re aware.

Many social media sites host content of people self-disturbing into homicidal rage. Even though there are stringent restrictions about depicting violence on platforms such as YouTube, there are many websites dedicated to featuring content of self-disturbed people behaving poorly.

Of course, homicidal behavior isn’t the only outcome regarding acts of desperation. When further contemplating this matter, I’m reminded of a track from Ugly Heroes – a hip hop collective comprised of Apollo Brown, Verbal Kent, and Chris Orrick (formerly “Red Pill”).

On the group’s 2013 self-titled album, Ugly Heroes, the collective featured a song entitled “Desperate”. Though I find most lyrics of the track personally meaningful, one stanza stands out to me. In particular, Orrick states:

The mind wanders when you’re poverty-stricken

And only hope you’re holding onto is a lottery ticket

Yeah, bills piling up, so don’t see you smiling much

Start thinking of some violent stuff

Like umm, “Why the fuck don’t I just get a pint of rum,

A nine, and tuck it between my teeth, and say good-bye?” I’m done

Economy is down, and suicides are up

We rather die by a gun than let this world be the death of us

Eloquently, the lyricist articulates the B-C connection that causes desperation which can lead to suicidal behavior. Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model uses Disputation of unproductive assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs.

Additionally, REBT uses the technique of unconditional acceptance to relieve suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance, unconditional other-acceptance, and unconditional life-acceptance.

Even in complicated situations described by Orrick, one can use healthy beliefs which lead to tolerable distress. Arguably, this is a preferred method of rational living than to use irrational beliefs which result in disturbed homicidal or suicidal behavior leading to death.

What do you think? I imagine you’ve experienced despair at some point in your life. Would you like to know more about how to turn unhealthy disturbance (e.g., desperation) into healthy distress (e.g., annoyance)? If so, then I look forward to hearing from you.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

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