We Gotta Stop Killing Each Other

[DISCLAIMER]

When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.

An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.

Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.

While still serving as prescriptive rather than descriptive, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs won’t inevitably cause disturbance, as they may align with distress. Rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Noteworthy, natural forms of distress are tolerable (i.e., mild anxiousness, sorrow, frustration, annoyance, disappointment, etc.). Even though unnatural forms of disturbance are also tolerable (e.g., enragement), my approach to REBT seeks the outcome which is more likely to be endured.

Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. There are a number of flexible and inflexible terms related to demandingness which serve as derivatives to “should,” “must,” and “ought” types of self-disturbing philosophies regarding life.

For instance, “In order to understand what I’m saying, you have to pay attention,” “You better not allow your mind to wander,” “You need to listen,” and, “If you want to stop self-disturbing, then you gotta practice REBT.” Perhaps a real-world example may enrich your comprehension.

First, some background information may be helpful. From fifth to twelfth grade, I befriended members of various sets allied with the Crips. Although I wasn’t a validated gang member, I often claimed the sets of my friends (e.g., called out the names of neighborhood sets).

Back in the ‘80s and ‘90s, this wasn’t an uncommon affair. Some non-members of gangs who claimed were called “wannabes” (aspirational prospects who hadn’t committed to formal gang initiation). Others like me were termed “untouchables” (friends of a gang, without membership).

While I’m no authority on the allyship of lyricist Murs, he stated in an interview, “I grew up in it, you know what I mean? I grew up in Crip neighborhoods all my life,” “I never got jumped in, but all of us, like, we say ‘cuz’,” and, “but I think it’s cancerous.”

Perhaps he was also an untouchable. In the same interview, Murs stated, “If anyone’s listening to my music is from L.A. [Los Angeles], they know where I was from. They knew where I made it known. You know? We say ‘Midtown,’ people know what neighborhood that is.”

This brings me to Murs’s album A Strange Journey Into the Unimaginable (2018) which was produced by Michael “Seven” Summers. The anthology contains the song “Midtown” that features John Givez. Per one source, the song “reflects on coming up from south Los Angeles.”

Murs and I are close in age (I’m two years older) and though we grew up in different areas of the United States (U.S.), we both share familiarity with Crips and the gang lifestyle. Moreover, neither of us were validated gang members, given the aforementioned interview.

Nevertheless, it appears as though the lyricist and I share emic (i.e., in-group) understanding about the inherent violence of gang life. Whereas Murs described his experience as “cancerous,” in part, I joined the U.S. Marine Corps to escape the gang path upon which I was likely heading.

With that context in mind, I now turn to “Midtown”. On the track, Murs states, “Can’t stop real niggas from doing what they gotta do. My homies like to trip, talk shit, and wear a lot of blue.” Use of “gotta” in this regard represents a demandingness derivative.

Personally, it serves as a form of irrational justification that dismisses maladaptive behavior. Specifically, it’s like saying “oh well, my friends physically battered you, because that’s what they absolutely should’ve done in these circumstances.” Thus, this isn’t a flexible demand.

Alternatively, Murs states at the end of the track, “Once you’re at peace with yourself, then you can be at peace with everybody else. And that doesn’t mean we gotta shake hands and hang out and shit, but we gotta stop killing each other. I’m from Midtown!”

When expressing that peacefully-behaving individuals don’t “gotta shake hands,” Murs ostensibly communicates a flexible demandingness derivative akin to saying “it isn’t as though we absolutely must shake hands.” This admission represents a flexible demand.

Furthermore, when stating that “we gotta stop killing each other,” the lyricist flexibly demands something along the lines of “we recommendatorily should stop killing each other.” This recommendation is clearly a flexible demand for an end to gang violence. I support that view!

Also, one element of the song may escape those who are unfamiliar with a gang lifestyle, as Murs ends his track by admitting, “I’m from Midtown!” He claims his set, even if only from an untouchable association. Personally, I won’t claim the main set whose members I befriended.

This is because I’m familiar with the Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act. There ain’t no damn way I’m ‘bout to catch the bodies (allegedly) dropped by my homies! So, I’ll end this post in a healthily self-censored form, I’m from [_________], Killa’rillo, cuz!

Presuming you comprehend how use of inflexible and flexible demandingness derivatives function, I invite you to pay close attention to your own beliefs and statements. As well, if you’d like to know more about REBT, then I’m here to assist, cuz.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

References:

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