In the Trunk

[DISCLAIMER]

I recently visited an automotive shop for a state-mandated emissions inspection. While sitting in the lobby, a man glanced down at my exposed calves and saw a large United States (U.S.) Marine Corps tattoo, as the following dialogue ensued:

Man: You a Marine?

Me: Yes.

Man: Semper fi!

Me: Do or die! Oorah!

Man: How long’d ya do?

Me: 11 years.

Man: You were halfway to retirement. What happened?

Me: Were you a Marine?

Man: Yes, 22 years.

Me: Then you likely know that unless one develops a taste for eating shit, then 11 years was enough.

Man: [laughs]

That’s about how an average conversation with other veterans (vets) in my area typically goes. There’s a question of affiliation and duration of service, and an inquiry about discharge details. After an initial gatekeeper checklist is completed, then a more meaningful conversation occurs.

The Marine vet asked about my military occupational specialty. When learning that I joined the Corps under guaranteed contract for military police (MP) while also serving as a Marine Security Guard, I received the usual response, “I was gonna be an MP, too.” I’ve often heard this.

In any event, I was asked questions about my time as an MP and I told the vet what I generally tell others. I spent most of my time apprehending drunk and disorderly Marines, responding to domestic disturbances, and tending to dependents (family members of service members).

“Who gave ya the hardest time when you pulled ‘em over, officers?” the vet inquired. I responded, “Mostly, MPs had the backing of base generals. So, we were able to respectfully say to officers who gave us a hard time, ‘I have more metal on my badge than you do on you collar.”

At that, the Marine laughed. “You may be surprised,” I added, “the people who gave us the hardest time were, without a doubt, dependent wives.” The vet perked up, changing his seated posture, as to urge me for more details. I then provided the following anecdote:

I recall being a junior Marine when assigned to Camp Kinser in Okinawa, Japan. I was a lance corporal at the time. Back then, MPs relied on JSGs—Japanese Security Guards—to conduct most of the gate entrance work. Still, from time to time, MPs would conduct gate operations.

On one particular afternoon, a staff sergeant—who was my SNCOIC (staff non-commissioned officer in charge)—came to the main gate. He was the kind of leader who led from the front. I really liked his style!

So, he takes over ID (identification) checks, as a dependent wife pulls up. Apparently, the staff sergeant didn’t pay her the respect she believed was owed to her. She then began bitching about how she wasn’t going to leave the gate until she was rendered a salute.

“Ma’am,” the staff sergeant calmly said, “are you in the military?” She said “no.” In dramatic fashion, he looked toward the backseat and back to the front seat. “Ma’am,” he replied, “is your husband in the vehicle with you?” She said “no.”

“Is your husband in the trunk?” he asked. By this point, the dependent was clearly upset. She said “no!” “Then,” the staff sergeant said, “you need to clear my gate! Have a good day, ma’am.”

The Marine vet laughed loudly when I told that actual account from my time as an MP. He then responded, “Yup, that sounds ‘bout right. Dependents thinkin’ their husband’s ranks are their ranks. Seen it a million times!”

After the vet left the shop, when later reflecting upon the anecdote, I recalled the 1992 album Shorty the Pimp by Too $hort. The anthology contains the song “In the Trunk” in which the rapper states, “Some rappers try to come off positive. Where I’m from, that just ain’t how it is.”

I thought of this, because I imagined that from an out-group member perspective people may’ve self-disturbed with irrational beliefs regarding what I expressed about the dependent wife. Noteworthy, some people may refer to her as a dependapotamus, defined thusly by one source:

Traditionally, a service-members dependent who is a “stay at home mom” that doesn’t do a damn thing all day besides sitting on the couch looking remarkably similar to Jabba the Hutt, leaching off of military benefits and eating anything that gets too close.

To expand upon my supposition about what an out-group member may’ve believed, a psychoeducational lesson on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) comes to mind. In particular, it may be useful to provide context on how the ABC model functions.

Specifically, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as self-disturbance.

For instance, you discover that I’ve used the pejorative term dependapotamus (Action) and you Believe, “Deric is a worthless piece of shit! His use of that term is intolerable, due to its terrible connotation, and Deric oughtn’t to have used it,” as you then become irate (Consequence).

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

This is where the referenced Too $hort line is relevant. Per my remixed version of the line, some psychotherapists and life coaches try to come off positive. In this world, that just ain’t how it is. To understand this perspective, I introduce philosopher David Hume’s is-ought problem.

Hume’s formula addresses moral or values-based judgements contrasted with non-moral or facts-based observations. In the “dependapotamus” example, I referenced an offensive term (is). This is contrasted with what you believe would have been more morally appropriate (ought).

Per Hume’s proposition, through the proverbial lens of REBT, you disturb yourself with a demandingness narrative (i.e., oughtn’t) when faced with what simply is. In other words, people will use terms with which you disagree (is). Demanding that they oughtn’t to do so is irrational.

To be fair, not all dependent wives during my time in the military were dependapotami – any more than all military dependents were wives. Similarly, not all psychotherapists and life coaches use irreverent communication when providing psychoeducational lessons.

Given this framework, my remixed line from “In the Trunk” acknowledges truth about reality (is). As such, the people who gave MPs the hardest time when I was in the Marine Corps, without a doubt, were dependent wives. Some people call them dependapotami.

Irrespective of to how they’re referred or what you believe, I recently told a Marine vet about an actual account from my time as an MP (is). If you choose to self-disturb with unfavorable beliefs by demanding respect for military dependents worldwide (ought), then I have only one question:

Is your husband in the trunk?

To all the U.S. military veterans (“vet’-er’-ans”), on this day (Veterans Day), I express appreciation for what you were prepared to do on behalf of our nation. You are the individuals who warrant this respect. Unless your spouses also served, then today is your day, not theirs.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

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