Stay In Yo' Lane

[DISCLAIMER]

When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.

An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.

Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.

While still serving as prescriptive rather than descriptive, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs won’t inevitably cause disturbance, as they may align with distress. Rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Noteworthy, natural forms of distress are tolerable (i.e., mild anxiousness, sorrow, frustration, annoyance, disappointment, etc.). Even though unnatural forms of disturbance are also tolerable (e.g., enragement), my approach to REBT seeks the outcome which is more likely to be endured.

Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. There are a number of flexible and inflexible terms related to demandingness which serve as derivatives to “should,” “must,” and “ought” types of self-disturbing philosophies regarding life.

For instance, “In order to understand what I’m saying, you have to pay attention,” “You better not allow your mind to wander,” “You need to listen,” and, “If you want to stop self-disturbing, then you gotta practice REBT.” Perhaps a real-world example may enrich your comprehension.

Before illustrating a demandingness derivative, it may be helpful to add that sometimes mental scripts are accompanied by inferences (the act of passing from one proposition, statement, or judgment considered as true to another whose truth is believed to follow from that of the former).

Notably, the ABC model notes how distorted inferences (misleading conclusions based on illogical and unreasonable beliefs) cause disturbance (i.e., stemming from irrational beliefs) and distress (i.e., stemming from rational beliefs). Now, I submit an example for your review.

On his album Look What I Became (2019), rapper Conway the Machine released the song “Vino D” that features rapper Jim Jones, lyricist Dave East, and lyricist Elcamino, and which was produced by JR Swiftz. On his verse, Conway states in part:

Uh, you know what’s poppin’, you get in my whip (Get in, baby)

We got them thirty-shot Glocks, nigga, we got sticks (Uh-huh)

We let them thirty shots pop, you get your top hit (Brr)

We doin’ drive-bys, we listenin’ to Pac shit (Boom, boom, boom)

Hah, stay in yo’ lane, bro, that’s all we sayin’ (Hmm)

This pussy nigga must’ve thought we playin’ (Think it’s a game, huh?)

If we can’t get to him, then we gon’ off his man (Uh-huh)

Ridin’ with that Drac’ but it ain’t Aubrey Graham (Hahaha)

Yeah, stash the yayo in a coffee can (Can)

Fingertips numb from baggin’ all these grams (Uh-huh)

Send a nigga to his wake, it only cost a band

For context, one source describes the phrase “stay in your lane” by stating that it means “mind your own business; keep moving straight ahead and don’t veer over into my personal affairs.” With this clarity, what inference do you think Conway uses within his cited lyrics?

Per my interpretation, the rapper distortedly infers that either another individual absolutely must stay in one’s own lane, or that person will suffer Conway’s violent wrath. Noteworthy, this either-or set of premises establishes a rigid condition which could result in a deadly outcome.

Having spent most of my life in Texas, I’m all too familiar with this form of self-disturbing condition. On several occasions, I’ve been involved in or have witnessed dangerous road rage events. Per one source, “Texas ranks #1 in the U.S. for road rage incidents involving firearms.”

Because one never knows who’s carrying a stick, or what distorted inference is being used, it’s healthiest not to use similarly self-disturbing beliefs as other motorists while veering into their lane. Likewise, it’s most helpful not to mess with Conway, as the rapper stated in one interview:

“I feel like that shit gotta be talked about,” Conway said at the four-minute mark above. “It ain’t ‘cause it’s like, ‘alright it’s the cool thing...oh I’ve been shot...oh I’ve been through this,’ it’s like really the premise is to show people to never give up. I was the guy with all the obstacles that you could think of. I was the older guy in the room, in the studio, I was shot, I had half my face paralyzed. I’m from Buffalo, you know stuff like that. And to me those was just obstacles and imagine if we could just break through those walls what we could be. I just wanna inspire people with my story.”

Inspiring? On the album WWCD (2019), by hip hop trio Griselda (rappers Conway the Machine and Westside Gunn, and lyricist Benny the Butcher), is the song “DR BIRDS”. On it, Conway states, “I got shot and a few niggas go murdered behind it.” Is that inspirational?

I suppose it all depends on your view of justice. Herein, I’m advocating peaceful coexistence, if possible. Therefore, I invite you to consider the distorted inferences and irrational beliefs you use—especially regarding literal and metaphorical lanes. Now, how’s that for inspiration?

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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