Kno One: A Negative Evaluation - People Aren't Their Behavior

[DISCLAIMER]

There was a time when I set out to write blog content regarding the Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) book Creative Marriage (1961). However, I admittedly haven’t contributed many posts to it in a while, and perhaps won’t do so again (current post excluded).

That’s because I don’t endorse “sucka shit,” as one source thusly describes this term, “Anything that is not acceptable or violates the G code. This includes snitching, switching up on your true homies, backstabbing, acting funny, hating, gossiping or any other dishonorable fake shit.”

My perspective may seem odd coming from a professional practitioner of REBT. Nevertheless, my approach to care for mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”) doesn’t have to reflect that of other clinicians (qualified persons practicing psychotherapy).

Specifically, I reject much of the feminist-coded psychoeducational lessons contained in Creative Marriage. Personally, the sucka shit prescriptions advocated by authors of the book aren’t valuable to me. In stating this, I’m not expressing that such matters retain no worth at all.

For those intimate partners who find significance in remaining together, whether married or not, perhaps those lessons would prove quite useful. All the same, I’ve healthily chosen to forego romantic relationships of all types (i.e., dating, marriage, etc.), so no more days like those!

This, too, may seem peculiar coming from a professional mental health care provider. Yet, the majority of clients with whom I work engage in some form of intimate partner relationship or another. Ultimately, it literally isn’t my job to push my values or principles upon my clients.

Therefore, I can work with a husband dealing with a cheating wife, a wife navigating discussions with her wife about opening their marriage, a boyfriend seeking exclusivity with his boyfriend, and so forth. I try not to let my bias for abstinence from relationships to cloud my judgment.

Besides, application of the ABC model and unconditional acceptance—both major tools of REBT—doesn’t require that I share the perspectives of other people. Given that I see little (if any) evidence for objective rationality or objective morality, I don’t assume a position of hubris.

This brings me to the song “Kno One” by rapper Kevin Gates, from his debut studio album Islah (2016), on which he states, “She says I’m a dog, but it takes one to know one.” In this sense, “dog” is a derogatory slang term recognized in REBT as a negative evaluation or appraisal.

For example, person X says to person Y, “Girl, you won’t believe it! This dog cheated on me!” Let’s afford person Y a little credit, presuming this individual thinks critically, as a reasonable response would be, “Do you know, in specific, what he did?”

Person X then replies, “Yeah, I caught him talking to his ‘best friend’ when I told that dog I didn’t want him having any contact with her!” In this hypothetical scenario, person X’s reference to her intimate partner as a “dog” negatively undervalues his entire existence as a person.

Although her romantic partner is a fallible human being who makes mistakes, he isn’t entirely worthless—even if it’s actually the case that his behavior is undesirable. Thus, a global evaluation of his character is not only unwarranted, it serves as an irrational belief.

From a rational perspective (in accordance with both logic and reason), person X could separate her intimate partner from his alleged behavior. After all, people aren’t their behavior. As an example, I took a shit earlier today. Yet, I’m not a shitty person. I’m simply a fallible creature.

Given this outlook, regarding imperfect human beings, it doesn’t take a dog to know a dog. We aren’t dogs! Rather, separating people from maladaptive behavior, some individuals behave in a doggish manner. Also, some people behave as suckas, yet they aren’t worthless.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, Designed by Freepik, fair use

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