Let's Talk About Death
- Deric Hollings
- 8 hours ago
- 6 min read
During my elementary school years, my older sister and I would stay awake at night so that we could watch adult programs. On one occasion, we were able to witness the song “Push It” by hip hop trio Salt-N-Pepa being performed on television. The song dripped with sexual innuendo!
Although not entirely aware of the ins and outs regarding sexual intercourse, my sister and I were able to ascertain the song’s meaning. That was my introduction to Salt-N-Pepa, comprised of lyricists Salt (Cheryl James) and Pepa (Sandra Denton), and DJ Spinderella (Deidra Roper).
Helpfully, my parents were mature enough to teach their children about the topic of sex. When I was in junior high school, Salt-N-Pepa released their third studio album, Blacks’ Magic (1990), which included the song “Let’s Talk About Sex”. Regarding the hit track, one source states:
The song talks about safe sex, the positive and negative sides of sex and the censorship that sex had around that time in American mainstream media. The song was later included in the trio's Greatest Hits (2000) album. It samples “I’ll Take You There” by the Staple Singers.
I recall many children at my school being able to articulate every word of “Let’s Talk About Sex”, much to the dismay of grown-ups. The irrational belief used by adults was apparently that if children are presumably innocent, then they shouldn’t learn about sexual intercourse.
Using the lens of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I now identify that unproductive assumption as a conditional belief. This form of mental script often uses an if-then or either-or structure. When used by adults in my youth, the following syllogism encapsulated this attitude:
Form (hypothetical) –
If p, then q; if q, then r; therefore, if p, then r.
Example –
Major premise: If children are free from guilt or sin, especially through lack of knowledge of evil (p), then hearing “Let’s Talk About Sex” will have a corrupting influence on their minds (q).
Minor premise: If hearing “Let’s Talk About Sex” will have a corrupting influence on their minds (q), then they shouldn’t learn about intercourse involving penetration of the mouth, vagina, or anus by the penis (r).
Conclusion: Therefore, children are free from guilt or sin, especially through lack of knowledge of evil (p), then they shouldn’t learn about intercourse involving penetration of the mouth, vagina, or anus by the penis (r).
One glaring flaw with that sort of belief was that it was puritanical (of, relating to, or characterized by a rigid morality). Irrespective of whether or not Salt-N-Pepa released their music, kids my age had already begun to explore our sexuality in junior high school.
Thus, in my opinion, it was better to have used open, honest, and vulnerable communication about sexual intercourse than to irrationally assume that so-called “innocent” children should’ve been kept ignorant of sexual intercourse. This is a healthy conclusion for those who value truth.
Now, I use a similar perspective when teaching principles of REBT. For instance, sexual intercourse is the primary method by which life is produced (i.e., reproduction). I maintain that this is a topic which recommendatorily should be discussed—even with children.
Likewise, I posit that various methods by which life is terminated preferably should be discussed—especially with kids. How about “Let’s Talk About Sex” and let’s talk about death? Remixing the chorus of Salt-N-Pepa’s popular track from my junior high school days, I propose:
Let’s talk about death, baby
Let’s talk about you and me
Let’s talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let’s talk about death [x4]
This matter pertains to REBT in the view of unconditional life-acceptance. In particular, every living creature will inescapably die at some point. This includes allegedly “innocent” children. Can we openly, honestly, and vulnerably talk about this unavoidable inevitability?
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
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