What Song You Gonna Play When the Hearses Bump?

[DISCLAIMER]

On the 2014 album The Tortoise and the Crow, by talented hip hop producers and lyricists The Grouch and Eligh, is the melodic track “So Complicated”. Noteworthy, I stated in a blogpost entitled Complex Systems vs. Complicated Systems:

The term “complex” relates to a group of obviously related units of which the degree and nature of the relationship is imperfectly known. As an example, my cellphone is a complex system of components. Also, the American Psychological Association (APA) thusly defines this term:

[A] group or system of related ideas or impulses that have a common emotional tone and exert a strong but usually unconscious influence on the individual’s attitudes and behavior.

The term, introduced by Carl Jung to denote the contents of the personal unconscious, has taken on an almost purely pathological connotation in popular usage, which does not necessarily reflect usage in psychology.

Primary examples from classical psychoanalysis and its offshoots are Jung’s power complex, Sigmund Freud’s castration complex and Oedipus complex, and Alfred Adler’s inferiority complex.

The APA definition, a “complex” relates to a group of repressed desires and memories that exerts a dominating influence upon the personality. Thus, whereas my single cellphone of many parts is complex, it’s also an inanimate object incapable of developing a psychological complex. Do you see how confusing complex terms can be? […]

As though the matter of complex systems isn’t stimulating enough as is, I now invite you to consider that in common parlance the term “complicated” relates to that which consists of parts intricately combined, and which is difficult to analyze, understand, or explain.

Although it’s a complex system, my cellphone is also a complicated system—in that I don’t fully comprehend just how it works. However, there are people who could better explain than I as to how it functions.

Given this framing of the matter, life is both complex and complicated. Likewise, the topic of dying and death tends to serve a similar manner of complexity and complicatedness. This is a theme I often encounter when practicing Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT).

For instance, the process of living is also the function of dying. Addressing this complex and complicated matter, on “So Complicated”, The Grouch states, “What song you gonna play when the hearses bump?” In other words, what song will sound loudly when you’re dead?

This matter is contemplated during one’s life, while in the process of dying, when heading toward an inescapable death. As this theme applies to REBT, I now present you with a psychoeducational lesson on one of the main tools used by this psychotherapeutic model.

REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

Regarding your circle of control and USA, you can admit that although you don’t have control over whether or not you will inevitably die, you do control how you respond to this eventuality. Thus, while you’re alive and slowly dying, you can choose what music will play at your wake.

Concerning your circle of influence and UOA, you can acknowledge that even if you choose to have “So Complicated” bumped in your hearse while on the way to a cemetery, other people may opt not to honor your dying wish. Other individuals may not like The Grouch and Eligh.

Pertaining to your circle of concern and ULA, you can recognize that it ultimately doesn’t matter what song you’re going to have played as the hearse that carries you travels to the cemetery. You’ve already lived while slowly dying, so now that you’re dead, what does a song matter?

As for the area of no concern—the imaginary realm in which you somehow can gaze upon other people from beyond the grave, observing how they didn’t honor your dying wish—what difference would it make at that point if “So Complicated” want’ played? You’re dead!

Now, I invite you to contemplate (not complicate) this lesson on REBT. Mainly, I encourage you to consider that no matter what you do while living and dying, you’re gonna eventually die. What song you gonna play when the hearses bump doesn’t matter as much as what you do right now.

So, you can choose to make this a complex or complicated matter, if you’d like. Even still, you’re gonna die someday! What will you do until then?

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, Designed by Magnific, fair use

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