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Mirroring and Demystification: Don’t Add Me to Your Group Chat

  • Writer: Deric Hollings
    Deric Hollings
  • 1 hour ago
  • 9 min read

 

When attending graduate school for counseling, I was taught various tools for care regarding mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”). As an example, I learned of the mirror technique, which the American Psychological Association (APA) thusly defines:

 

[T]he conscious use of active listening by the therapist in psychotherapy, accompanied by reflection of the client’s affect and body language in order to stimulate a sense of empathy and to further the development of the therapeutic alliance.

 

For context, the APA defines the therapeutic alliance as “a cooperative working relationship between client and therapist, considered by many to be an essential aspect of successful therapy.” For instance, when working with client X, I may use mirroring, which the APA thusly defines:

 

[R]eflecting or emulating speech, affect, behavior, or other qualities in psychotherapeutic contexts. A therapist may adopt the movements, speech style, or locutions of a client, and vice versa, to indicate comprehension of what is being said or to reflect bonding, either nonconsciously or with the intent of empathizing.

 

As an example, client X may express joy by smiling, using an open posture (a nonverbal communication cue where the trunk of the body is unshielded, exposing vulnerable areas like the chest and stomach), and animated arm movements. I may then mirror client X’s body language.

 

Similarly, on relatively rare occasions, I’ll use the mirror technique to demonstrate how an individual’s emotional presentation and nonadaptive behavior may appear to others. Admittedly, this is a less comfortable experience for everyone involved. It’s not supposed to be comfortable!

 

For instance, if client X often endures negative and unhealthy anger and aggression, as attempts to verbally communicate the unhelpful nature of this response have proven ineffective, I may engage in mirroring the unproductive outcome to illustrate how reactions have consequences.

 

When carefully using mirroring in this manner, I’m consciously aware of the fact that I’m deliberately demonstrating an individual’s verbal or nonverbal mannerisms. This isn’t the same concept as mimicry, which the APA thusly defines:

 

[A] form of social learning in which people, without conscious awareness or intent, automatically copy other people’s physical movements (behaviors such as postures, gestures, and mannerisms), facial expressions, speech patterns, and emotions during interpersonal interactions.

 

Depending on the situation, one source reports that mirroring and mimicry “can be good or bad.” This is why when I use the mirror technique sparingly. Furthermore, I attempt to demystify the technique (i.e., the process of removing the mystery surrounding mental health treatment).

 

For instance, demystification of mirroring involves me explaining to a client what I’m doing, why I maintain that the mirror technique is necessary, and discussing how one’s reaction to the experience may also reflect the circumstances that others endure (i.e., mirroring = reflection).

 

Not always does the process of demystification prove effective, as I’m a fallible human being. Nevertheless, I try to help people actually get better, rather than to merely feel better, so I use the mental health tools available to me.

 

In any case, I was recently reminded of an unproductive attempt at mirroring when listening to the song “Group Chat” by rapper Page Kennedy, featuring rappers Light Barbie and Gmac Cash, which is on Kennedy’s album Front Page (2022). It’s a how-not-to example of mirroring.

 

For clarity, a group chat is a digital conversation that allows three or more people to communicate with one another in the same message thread. I have an expressed standard about group chats. Anyone who has my telephone number and adds me to a group chat will be blocked.

 

This assertive form of general consent isn’t unlike the informed consent in which clients and I participate when initiating mental health services. It’s the dos and don’ts of treatment. Dissimilarly, Gmac Cash states on “Group Chat”:

 

Why I’m in the group chat with people who ain’t friend to me

I don’t even wanna be in groups with people kin to me

Matter fact, fuck it, let me stir up some drama

‘Bout to start a group chat up wit’ all my baby mamas

That’s Keisha, Alesha, Tiana, and Wanda

We gotta stick together, gotta do it for Wakanda, nigga, Mac!

 

Whereas I infrequently use mirroring with demystification when attempting to help people, Gmac Cash states that he uses a form of mirroring for the purpose of “drama” (a state, situation, or series of events involving interesting or intense conflict of forces). Let’s examine this further.

 

REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as distress or disturbance.

 

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to distress or disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive scripts, think of the acronym GLAD.

 

Additionally, from a psychological standpoint, people distress or disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.

 

From an A-C view, Gmac Cash adds his baby mamas to a group chat (Action) which he intends to represent an unwanted condition (Consequence). Still, this type of mirroring “drama” isn’t what causes unfavorable reflection upon one’s own behavior. Let’s use Keisha as an example.

 

From a B-C perspective, Gmac Cash adds his baby mamas to a group chat (Action) and Keisha plausibly Believes, “He’s worthless [G], and I can’t stand his ass [L], ‘cause it’s awful bein’ in the same group chat as these hoes [A], as Mac should’ve kept me outta this mess [D]!”

 

Had she used a rational self-narrative, Keisha could’ve experienced negative, but healthy anger and aggression (e.g., blocking Gmac Cash from her contact list). Yet, with her unaccommodating script, Keisha instead endured negative and unhealthy anger and aggression (Consequence).

 

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

 

I suspect that disobliging attitudes about the mirror technique, even when properly demystified, are what result in negative and unhealthy reactions. Still, if one can imagine how unpleasant it is to experience self-disturbance in-session, then one may also understand how others feel.

 

Yet, similar to the hypothetical example involving Keisha, some people simply choose to self-disturb. Qué será, será: Whatever will be, will be. At least their self-disturbance can now serve as your psychoeducational lesson on the ABC model. Oh, and don’t add me to your group chat.

 

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

 

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

 

 

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW


Photo credit, Designed by Magnific, fair use

 

References:

 

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© 2024 by Hollings Therapy, LLC 

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