They Don’t Give a Fuck at All, and That’s Wrong
- Deric Hollings
- 12 hours ago
- 8 min read
When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.
For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.
It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.
An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.
Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.
While still serving as prescriptive rather than descriptive, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs won’t inevitably cause disturbance, as they may align with distress. Rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.
Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.
Noteworthy, natural forms of distress are tolerable (i.e., mild anxiousness, sorrow, frustration, annoyance, disappointment, etc.). Even though unnatural forms of disturbance are also tolerable (e.g., enragement), my approach to REBT seeks the outcome which is more likely to be endured.
Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. There are a number of flexible and inflexible terms related to demandingness which serve as derivatives to “should,” “must,” and “ought” types of self-disturbing philosophies regarding life.
For instance, “In order to understand what I’m saying, you have to pay attention,” “You better not allow your mind to wander,” “You need to listen,” and, “If you want to stop self-disturbing, then you gotta practice REBT.” Perhaps a real-world example may enrich your comprehension.
Before illustrating a demandingness derivative, it may be helpful to add that sometimes mental scripts are accompanied by inferences (the act of passing from one proposition, statement, or judgment considered as true to another whose truth is believed to follow from that of the former).
Notably, the ABC model notes how distorted inferences (misleading conclusions based on illogical and unreasonable beliefs) cause disturbance (i.e., stemming from irrational beliefs) and distress (i.e., stemming from rational beliefs). Now, I submit an example for your review.
Lyricist J. Cole’s song “High for Hours”, produced by Elite and Cam O’bi, was released as a single on January 18, 2017, and wasn’t included on an official album. It contains the line “they don’t give a fuck at all, and that’s wrong.” This infers a flexible demand.
For context, the phrase “give a fuck” is similar to the saying “give a damn,” as it regards a vulgar slang idiom meaning to care, show interest, or be concerned about someone or something. Therefore, to not “give a fuck” means that someone is disinterested in someone or something.
The term “wrong” indicates an injurious, unfair, or unjust act: action or conduct inflicting harm without due provocation or just cause. Thus, per my interpretation of J. Cole’s line, he infers that unspecified others preferably should care, and if they don’t, then their actions are wrong.
The distinction I’m noting is that J. Cole uses a preference-based belief, not an absolutistic-based attitude. The former is flexible, as the latter is inflexible. Ergo, if or when “they don’t give a fuck at all,” one may perceive such behavior as wrong, though one can tolerate and accept the event.
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
Photo credit, Designed by Magnific, fair use
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