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Doing What I Can Before My Ride Shows Up

  • Writer: Deric Hollings
    Deric Hollings
  • 13 hours ago
  • 6 min read

 

A little over a decade ago, nitape’skw (nee-dub-besk) told me about the life and death of Santee Sioux Nation author, poet, actor, musician, and political activist John Trudell. I miss the contact I had with nitape’skw, as I remain grateful for her having introduced me to the work of Trudell.

 

In one of the most subjectively memorable exit announcements from life, Trudell’s family member reportedly posted on Facebook, “My ride showed up.” and “Celebrate Love. Celebrate Life.” Nitape’skw told me, “My ride showed up’ was how we would know he crossed over.”

 

It was an eloquent parting message from this life on December 8, 2015. During that time, I confided heavily in nitape’skw regarding the challenges I’d faced when in graduate school for social work (2012-2014) and concerning my first job after having graduated (2015).

 

I informed her that when attending graduate school for counseling (2009-2011), where I concentrated my psychotherapeutic modality focus on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I hoped to one day make a difference in the lives of others before my ride showed up.

 

I became a psychotherapist in 2011, years after having served in the military (1996-2007), though I began life coaching in 1991, when living in a children’s home. For whatever reason, both minor- and adult-aged individuals confided in me for help with various problems.

 

What did I know about helping anyone? Besides, I began looking for my ride to show up since nine-years-old, after repeatedly enduring traumatic experiences within my home. Nonetheless, I gave advice to residents and adults at the children’s home, seemingly having made a difference.

 

In graduate school, learning to properly provide care for mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”), I was cautioned not to provide advice to clients. Instead, as was likely the case for Trudell, I did what I could to help people think for themselves.

 

Admittedly, I wasn’t the best representative of REBT for nitape’skw. This is because I often straddled the line between healthy distress and unhealthy disturbance. Favorably, my friend was patient and compassionate enough to tolerate my adaptive and maladaptive behavior at the time.

 

Unfortunately, as is often the case in this impermanent and uncertain life, nitape’skw and I parted ways in 2021. As my ride hadn’t showed up by then, I carried forward the knowledge, wisdom, and understanding she imparted to me about various Native American issues.

 

This raises a psychoeducational lesson, as REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

 

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

 

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

 

Regarding my circle of control and USA, I realize that I can control only my reaction to undesirable events (i.e., Trudell’s death, the parting of ways with nitape’skw, etc.). It isn’t a matter of liking or loving these situations, though accepting them without conditions.

 

Concerning my circle of influence and UOA, I acknowledge that Trudell probably did what he could to influence others, much as I tried to persuade nitape’skw to change her perspective on various matters. All the same, people are free to do as they please, not as others prefer.

 

Relating to my circle of concern and ULA, I’ve been patiently waiting for death for 40 years. Since I’m still sitting here waiting, I’m also doing what I can before my ride shows up. Maybe I’ll make a difference like Trudell did with others, or as nitape’skw did with me, or maybe not.

 

As for the area of no concern, I don’t waste what time I have before my ride inevitably shows up by contemplating nonsensical matters. This is why it’s of “no concern” for me to engage in nonsensical hypotheticals (e.g., whether or not my ride has shown up in an alternate dimension).

 

Now, I invite you to consider use of UA in your own life. Are you using what relatively little time you have left to achieve your interests and goals? Your ride is on the way, as is everyone else’s. Therefore, are you doing what you can before your ride shows up? If not, then will you?

 

Also, rest easy, John Trudell. One.

 

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

 

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

 

 

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW


 

References:

 

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