Even Concerning Your Nightmares

[DISCLAIMER]

*Dreams (2025) spoilers contained herein.

Photo credit, property of Imagem Films and Greenwich Entertainment, fair use

I’m a fan of Jessica Chastain’s acting. Still, I was somehow late to the viewing of Dreams (2025) in which Chastain and Isaac Hernández depict an intimate partner relationship that represents a romantic union of one’s dreams (series of thoughts, images, or emotions occurring during sleep).

However, as the film progresses, those dreams turn into nightmares (frightening dreams which usually awaken the sleeper and which coincide with a feeling of anxiety or fear). In this way, dreams and nightmares may be metaphorical. About the storyline of Dreams, one source states:

Fernando (Hernández), a young ballet dancer from Mexico, dreams of international recognition and a life in the U.S. Believing his lover, Jennifer (Chastain), a socialite and philanthropist, will support him, he leaves everything behind, narrowly escaping death in the process. However, his arrival disrupts Jennifer’s carefully curated world. She will do anything to protect both their futures—and the life she has built.

That allusion to Jennifer’s ability to “protect” the futures of the dyad (two individuals, such as boyfriend and girlfriend, maintaining a sociologically significant relationship) is doing a lot of heavy lifting! Now, it’s time for a significant spoiler. Here, dreams turn to nightmares.

Jennifer is the product of nepotism (favoritism, as in appointment to a job, based on kinship). Her wealthy dad allows Jennifer and her brother to engage in various family business dealings. One of Jennifer’s pet projects regards a dance studio in Mexico, in which she meets Fernando.

Setting aside the obvious disparity in age, as Jennifer is visibly older than Fernando, Jennifer’s affluence is markedly unequal to that of Fernando’s socioeconomic situation. Thus, when the dyad forms a romantic relationship, Jennifer keeps the matter a secret from her wealthy family.

Not to be deterred in his expression of love for Jennifer, Fernando crosses the Mexican border to be with his lover. However, Jennifer has him deported back to Mexico. There, she proposes to provide for his needs as long as the intimate partner relationship can remain a secret.

Unfavorably, Fernando decides to kidnap and rape Jennifer. Ultimately, Jennifer’s brother goes looking for his sister, discovers and then rescues her from the nightmarish scenario, and Jennifer requests that Fernando’s leg be broken in retaliation for his ghastly behavior.

One presumes that the vicious manner in which Fernando’s leg is injured would mean that the ballet dancer would no longer be able to perform as he was previously able. Ergo, Jennifer receives her freedom after a frightening ordeal as Fernando then begins a nightmare of his own.

When viewing the film, I framed it through the lens of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). Specifically, how would I address the problems of either Jennifer or Fernando if they sought from me care for mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”)?

First, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as self-disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to create waking nightmares, of sorts: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

Noteworthy, from a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.

For instance, regarding an A-C outlook, rape (Action) can cause physical injury (Consequence). This represents actual victimization. However, from a B-C perspective, psychological injury is a matter of self-narrative-driven victimhood. In essence, you cause yourself this form of injury.

For example, consider the case of Jennifer. Having been kidnapped and raped constitutes an obvious undesirable Action. Herein, I don’t intend on minimizing Fernando’s deeds. What he did was unlawful, immoral and unethical, and altogether reprehensible.

Such events ideally shouldn’t ever occur. Alas, this is an ideal-world versus real-world matter worth considering. Although I opine about what shouldn’t happen in an ideal world, I realize that I live in the real world. Thus, kidnap and rape do occur. Thus, this represents Jennifer’s Action.

Suppose that following her rescue Jennifer Believes, “Life is meaningless [G] and unbearable [L], as this horrific [A] experience absolutely shouldn’t have happened [D].” Using that unaccommodating script, Jennifer then experiences despair and depression (Consequence).

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

The ABC model approaches an actual victim of rape and addresses one’s own self-created victimhood narrative. Regarding this matter, I stated in a blogpost entitled Love Is Blind:

For context, consider what one REBT source suggests in regard to something as serious as the matter of rape [page 72]:

[If] we look at the typical irrational beliefs that people have about being raped, we will see that these beliefs are not an integral part of the rape experience, but reflect what people bring to the experience when they reflect on it. They are best viewed as post-rape irrational beliefs. Examples of such irrational beliefs are:

·  “I absolutely should have stopped this from happening.”

·  “This has completely ruined my life.”

·  “Being raped means that I am a worthless person.”

Whilst it is understandable that people who have been raped should think this way, this does not detract from the fact that they are responsible for bringing these irrational beliefs to the experience. It is for this reason that REBT theory holds that very negative A’s do not “cause” emotional disturbance.

This is actually an optimistic position. If very negative events did cause emotional disturbance, then you would have a much harder time overcoming your disturbed feelings than you do now when we make the assumption that these feelings stem largely from your irrational beliefs.

Thus, the B-C connection serves as a causative matter in self-disturbance.

That REBT source advocates personal responsibility and accountability (collectively “ownership”) for one’s own mental health outcomes. This is the case even when one’s own physical health is impacted by something as despicable as rape.

Second, REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

Whereas the ABC model is a scientific approach to wellness, UA serves as a philosophical method for un-disturbing yourself. I view the former as an abortive approach to disturbance and the latter as a preventative method. Of course, not all REBT practitioners use the same style as I.

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

If I were to work with Jennifer regarding her experience of having been kidnapped and raped, I suspect that I’d receive pushback concerning my advocacy for UA practice. Other clients have also challenged this technique. Thus, I stated in Simplifying Unconditional Acceptance:

Recently, I discussed UA with a client and I was asked about the limits of its utility. The challenge was presented something to the effect of, “What about rape? Do you unconditionally accept rape?”

I genuinely appreciate when clients use disputation in our sessions, as was the case with the individual who challenged my advocacy for UA, because I’m then afforded an opportunity to use psychoeducation to enrich our sessions. Hopefully, my response to the client will also benefit the reader.

I stated that while I may detest the act of rape, I only have control over myself. Therefore, I don’t rape. Moreover, I’d prefer that other people didn’t rape [USA]. However, not everyone shares my values or beliefs. Consequently, some people will commit the crime of rape [UOA].

Furthermore, and even though I may despise that this is the case, rape existed long before me and will likely carry on long after I’m dead [ULA]. When expressing my position, I offered the client to dispute the truthiness of my stance, to which I received no challenge.

I then put forth the argument that in order to keep from disturbing myself with beliefs about my lack of control and influence over others and life, I use UOA and ULA. Noteworthy, practice of these REBT elements isn’t about liking or loving that something like rape exists.

Rather, it’s about disabusing myself of the illusion regarding what control and influence I have over the act of rape when it comes to others and life. As such, it isn’t that I’m promoting tolerance and acceptance of rape itself – though I’m advocating a resolution to self-disturbance concerning unhelpful beliefs about my dominion and leverage over rapists.

Therefore, I unconditionally accept that – aside from only myself – I’m powerless when it comes to rape. As such, I exercise rational compassion for people who are victimized by this heinous crime, though I’m not going to upset myself about my powerlessness regarding the issue.

Simplifying UA herein, I hope that the reader understands this useful REBT technique. If you’d like to know more about how to stop disturbing yourself, I’m here to help. Even if you renounce USA, UOA, and ULA, while considering me a scoundrel for practicing UA in regards to rape, I unconditionally accept this as a possible outcome of your beliefs.

The same ABC model and UA tools I’d use with Jennifer regarding her undesired experience of having been kidnapped and raped, I’d apply with Fernando about his unpleasant event in which his leg was likely damaged for life. This is the same method I’d use with you and your issues.

In fact, I posit that REBT can help people achieve success with their interests and goals—which many people misinterpret as their aspirational “dreams.” And as long as you’re willing to take personal ownership for your own mental health, REBT works even concerning your nightmares.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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